Is attending a patient's funeral overstepping "the" boundary?

[BostonTerrierLover]

I have a young man that has frequented the ER, and this small hospital (pediatric), that I saw come into this world, and fight for the short time he had.

There was a small incident with EMT/Paramedics, NO ONE knows what happened, but it had NOTHING to do with his death, and was 3 transits ago. I would hate to see the family in or around town after missing this funeral. I just wanted them to know how much the little guy impacted us. They are also "county" and have been asked by an alderman NOT to attend. Nothing was said of Hospital Personnel. The family wrote a wonderful card of thanks to the Hospital in the paper. This is a delimma as other nurses have asked what I will do, and what they should do. I stated, "right now I 'want' to, but I don't know yet."

Is it frowned on to attend according to patient/Healthcare worker boundaries, or would another notion be more proper?

What would you all do?

[Vespertinas]

Usually if the family exends an invitation, I take that as a sign that we are welcomed there.

[bookworm78910]

My grandma had Alzheimer's for an unusually long time (12 years). During that time, she was on-and-off of hospice/home health many times. She eventually died while on Hospice. During the time(s) she was on hospice, we became attached to many of the wornderful staff, and were very touched and gratified when the nurse who managed her case came to her memorial. I don't see any problem with going, and if it offers you closure and tells the family of your care and concern for their child, I only see that as a positive, boundaries not withstanding.

[HazeKomp, BSN, RN]

Absolutely NOT! Having care providers attend comforts the families and manifests your level of caring for their family member!

[Double-Helix, BSN, RN]

When a child passes away on our unit, very often the family will contact the unit with the date and time of the funeral in case anyone wants to attend. Since we are a large hospital, this is often the only way that we know when the funeral is being held. So if the family provides information about the service, it's a clear invitation for staff to attend.

When I worked at a nursing home, our staff would frequently attend the funerals of our residents. I've never seen a family act upset about that. In fact, they always are very appreciative of our presence, as it shows that their loved one mattered to the staff.

If you knew the family, and the child was special to you, and the family has not requested no hospital staff, I see no problem with you going to the funeral. More than likely the family will appreciate your presence.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Over the years the have been a few that I have attended the wake.....some of the patients I have care for a period of time, some have been brief, but intimate and personal, encounters in the ED. I have never had an upset family nor an upset employer. However I choose to deal with my grief and pain in seeking closure........is personal. I have had only a couple of patients that I actually have attended the burial. I needed it and so did the family.

Boston.....do what is in your heart friend.:hug: I am sorry for the family and their loss as well as yours. My prayers for all.

[Rabid Response]

I've only attended one funeral for a patient, and I'm not sorry that I went. He was in our ICU for a long time, and I got to know his wife very well. I came to work the morning after he passed and did not realize he was gone. His wife was there to sign some paperwork, and I gave her a big cheery wave hello as I breezed past her on the way to my assignment. By the time I learned that he had died the night before, she had already left the unit. I felt terrible. I don't think I could have lived with myself unless I attended the funeral and was able to express my condolences to his wife. The amazing thing about that patient's funeral was that it gave me the opportunity to learn about the man he was before he became ill.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

I worked in a large hospital that nevertheless seemed to attract a lot of patients from my locality. I have left work in scrubs to hurry to a funeral and sit in the back row. It always seemed the right thing to do. If I didn't really know the family I'd go to the visitation (I guess that's the same as a wake) and sign the visitors' book.

My Mother was in an Alzheimer's facility that had taken very good care of her for over 4 years. No one sent a card, no one came to the funeral, but we did get a call right after the doctor told us she had died that we needed to come get her "things" that morning. That still leaves a bad taste.

I say do what your heart says. The son of the lady (I went to her funeral in scrubs) still mentions it after nearly 20 years when I see him.

[NotReady4PrimeTime, RN]

At our hospital, not only is it okay for us to attend patients' funerals, it's often made possible by our management. If one of our long term kiddies dies they will make arrangements for the nurses who were most involved to have time off to attend if necessary. A number of years ago that extended to travelling several hundred miles to attend. We sent a contingent of primary RNs, an RT and two of our docs. For our most recent one, the service was held in the hospital chapel; we were all offered the opportunity to be there or to attend the reception afterward. One of our nurses and his wife (also a nurse who works on the peds inpatient cardiology ward and had been one of the child's nurses in the past) gave the eulogy. People tend to forget that we caregivers are part of the second circle of grief and even though we're not intimately involved with the family, we do feel the loss.

[JenLPN001]

If it's a patient you've had long term contact with, especially in a LTC setting, then they become a part of your extended family. You laugh with them, cry with them, sometimes do battle for them, and a lot of times, you hold their hands and tell them that their struggle is over and it's ok to go home. Why would you NOT go to their funeral, or at least to the veiwing? I find that families truly appreciate it and it shows just how much you really do care. I try to always sign the online condolence books also. Even if it's just a word or two, I know from experience just how much it means.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

if you feel your presence would support, not offend, the family then by all means go. Our community extends beyond our workplace, and I have neighbors, church family-----. Regrets for the loss you are feeling.

[Pinkmegan]

Over the last 20 years plus I have attended every funeral of a patient that I have been able to. So have my colleagues. Go with your own instincts.

[PediLove2147, BSN, RN]

When I worked private duty my kiddo died. I had been taking care of her for more than a year. My agency called the nurses to let them know the date and time of her memorial service and I was devastated when I learned I was working that day and could not attend. I did send a card though.

Definitely go.