Irritating spouses/family that don't understand?

annie.rn · Dec 9, 2015

I'm a School Nurse. I specialize in "Skeptical Care".

One of the wittiest replies I've ever read on Allnurses. Made me LOL. You're da bomb, Farawyn :-)

Edited to add: Read the rest of the thread. Just when I thought I'd read the wittiest comment ever, the lady parts comments started. Oh, my. You're killin' it, Farawyn!

Jensmom7, BSN, RN · Dec 9, 2015

Will the ob/gyn prescribe a "hunk-a-hunk-a-burnin' love" for that? ?

I thought "hunk-a-hunk-a-burnin' love" was something you went to the Clinic to get a shot for?? [emoji56]

Farawyn · Dec 9, 2015

annie.rn · Dec 9, 2015

My husband had aspirations to become a doctor but it never quite happened. He loves pharmacology and has an idiot savant type memory for medication facts...name, purpose and dosage but no actual administration knowledge. He knows very little about side effects or interactions.

Well, my in-laws think he is an expert on anything medical b/c of this and he is their go-to guy for all medical advice. Drives me bananas! They listen to NOTHING I have to say. Being the good guy he is, he will even defer to me but they STILL won't listen. I've given up. Now I just tell him what they need to know and he delivers the message. (Now that I think about it, not unlike some real world doctor/nurse/patient communication.)

Back to the medicine, though. They are a family who LOVES medication. Drives me crazy. If they go to the MD w/ a complaint and don't come out with a prescription then it wasn't a worth while appt. They take pills to the point of causing themselves more heartache b/c of the side effects and interactions. You don't have to medicate every little problem away, folks. Sometimes a bandaid and an ice pack will do just fine. And a little low grade fever serves a physiological purpose. No need to medicate it away w/ Tylenol. Can't get him to send that message to them.

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 9, 2015

Yes, I have a husband that...in spite of the fact he tells everyone and anyone that if he gets sick, he wants to have his wife take care of him because he knows what a good nurse she is....does not take my advice, or humors me by saying he will do what I suggest "in a minute". And, of course, that minute never arrives.

He doesn't believe icing will help, or warm packs, or using our TENS unit. Those solutions, I guess, seem to him to be too simple to actually contribute to feeling better, and it doesn't heal anything to do those things. And they take time and patience, which he has little of when it comes to the point of needing to LISTEN, and DO what he should do. Blocks out my explanation about treating symptoms before they get too far out of hand.

Essentially he follows his own ideas, which is mostly NOT doing anything and 'bulling' his way through events like he did when he was young, because that should still work for him, even though he is now 65. The 'bulling through' he did in his youth is responsible for a lot of the things he is having to deal with now because he didn't deal with it then.

He believes that the required follow-up appointments are just a way to get more of your money, and anybody medical is generally just a crook in a white jacket.

His mother went to a new-age charlatan chiropractor who convinced her (and it didn't take much convincing) that she was 'allergic' to so many things, and she was filled with years of built up TOXINS, the treatment for which all seemed to require many dietary restrictions and boy did he ever prescribe many, MANY supplements, which he conveniently sold from his office...

All that happened 10-12 years ago and she is still talking about allergies, toxins, and reactions, etc. until everybody around her wishes she would either just shut up, or actually have a REAL allergic reaction so she would know the difference between them and what SHE refers to as her 'reactions'.

So, that one bad apple means that they ALL are 'that way'. He says empty things like, "If I ever find out that they are taking advantage of you...", which is patently absurd because 1.) I am not his mom, and 2.) I know how to say 'no', and 3.) I'm stubborn person and yeah, a retired nurse.

I might understand and appreciate his 'help' if I was a young and insecure bubbleheaded dope who needed a Knight In Shining Armor to save me from the medical villains. I have enough grit and substance to me that I have few troubles with being hoo-doo'd anymore. I have been known to engage my docs in debate or argument , and require clarification before I agree to something about which I felt dubious.

But with hubby's long-held prejudices and beliefs, and the way they are deeply entrenched, I no longer try to 'defend' my docs or our decisions (many of which are dictated to them by governing agencies, insurances, etc) about my health care and concerns.

The only way he knows how to 're-visit' the subject is repeating the same old stories about his mom and her so-called allergies and the devious doc who ruined his daddy's retirement and 'stole' his money. But I was present through it all from the very beginning, so why he feels the need to 'explain' it to me, I just don't understand.

If I thought it would be understood, I would do my best imitation of Ronny Ray-gun's famous declaration: "Mr. Gorbachov, Take. Down. This. Wall!"

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 9, 2015

I really have quite a few suggestions but I'm just going to LOL and continue reading; since I'm so sensitive to the sensitivities of other sensitive posters.

I am soooo happy :)you decided to LOL:D and read. :yes: Venting-thread posters tend to get really riled up :madface: , doncha know, when a Voice Of Reason chimes in. :dead:

We don't need no stinkin' suggestions! :roflmao:

That said, we luvs you, OldDude.

rnsrgr8t · Dec 9, 2015

My Mom is like this. Keep in mind, we are a medical family. My Dad is an Anesthesiologist, my Mom is a Medical Technologist and I am a PNP (dinner conversations are interesting :)). My Mom is completely delusional about her own health issues. She had to have a hip replacement due a displastic hip. It runs in her side of the family (my grandmother and great grandmother had it too) that after menopause that get unilateral hip degeneration. Her surgeon said he never saw anything like it. Now she waited 5 years to have surgery and smoked post op (yeah I know I know I tried to tell her believe me) so the artificial hip never really ossified because #1 her surgeon said her pelvis on that side was the consistency of a baked potato, he barely had bone to attach it to (because she waited so long) and #2 because of her smoking. I also believe she developed this at a much younger age than her relatives because of the smoking too. The prosthesis failed and rotated and they really cannot do anything to fix it so mobility is a big issue for her now which is sad. Now, I and my Dad have had LONG conversations with her about what happened. To hear her tell it, she is a victim of malpractice/neglect and goes around town bad mouthing her surgeon every chance she gets. Post op I was begging her to not smoke and she ignored me. She is in such denial she has become delusional about it.

Now my mom has a lot of medical knowledge but has not worked for 30 years. The way things work in the hospital are VERY different than when she worked. My Dad and I will talk about work (random stuff, not HIPAA stuff) and she starts arguing with us that "that is not like it was when I worked!!" RIGHT because that was 30 years ago!!!

She just refuses to listen to either my Dad or I. My Dad handles it much better than I do (why they have been married for 40+ years) and is very patient with her. I tend to get real frustrated at times because the stuff she says makes NO sense and I cannot believe with her education and background it sounds rational in her head.

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 9, 2015

My Mom is like this. Keep in mind, we are a medical family. My Dad is an Anesthesiologist, my Mom is a Medical Technologist and I am a PNP (dinner conversations are interesting :)). My Mom is completely delusional about her own health issues. She had to have a hip replacement due a displastic hip. It runs in her side of the family (my grandmother and great grandmother had it too) that after menopause that get unilateral hip degeneration. Her surgeon said he never saw anything like it. Now she waited 5 years to have surgery and smoked post op (yeah I know I know I tried to tell her believe me) so the artificial hip never really ossified because #1 her surgeon said her pelvis on that side was the consistency of a baked potato, he barely had bone to attach it to (because she waited so long) and #2 because of her smoking. I also believe she developed this at a much younger age than her relatives because of the smoking too. The prosthesis failed and rotated and they really cannot do anything to fix it so mobility is a big issue for her now which is sad. Now, I and my Dad have had LONG conversations with her about what happened. To hear her tell it, she is a victim of malpractice/neglect and goes around town bad mouthing her surgeon every chance she gets. Post op I was begging her to not smoke and she ignored me. She is in such denial she has become delusional about it.
Now my mom has a lot of medical knowledge but has not worked for 30 years. The way things work in the hospital are VERY different than when she worked. My Dad and I will talk about work (random stuff, not HIPAA stuff) and she starts arguing with us that "that is not like it was when I worked!!" RIGHT because that was 30 years ago!!!
She just refuses to listen to either my Dad or I. My Dad handles it much better than I do (why they have been married for 40+ years) and is very patient with her. I tend to get real frustrated at times because the stuff she says makes NO sense and I cannot believe with her education and background it sounds rational in her head.

This reminded me of working a private duty case where the 11-7 CG was about 74 years old....and she was trying to argue with me about something (can't even remember what it was over). Anyway, when she said in a loud, indignant voice, "MY FATHER WAS A DOCTOR! I THINK I OUGHT TO KNOW A LITTLE BIT ABOUT IT!"...I was so shocked by what she'd just said, I could only just stand there in amazement and blink. I was thinking, "WHAT? This makes sense...how?" It was so wrong in such a number of ways that I just threw out my hands, shook my head and walked away.

Can't argue with that kind of "logic"! :wacky: :no:

canigraduate · Dec 9, 2015

Eh. I let stupid people be stupid. My family is notorious for going to the ER for stupid crap. I don't even answer them any more when they ask me stuff. I tell them, "If you're going to ignore what I say, what's the point in talking to you?" and move on. The calls are starting to slow down.

My husband thinks I'm an idiot when it comes to medical stuff. I tell him what he needs to know, then ignore him when he doesn't do what I advise and gets all whiney. "Don't come to me for sympathy, it's your own fault."

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Dec 10, 2015

My dad called me from work one day and told me he was light-headed and vomiting bright red blood (He had an ulcer history). "What should I do?"

"Well Dad, someone from work should take you to the ER RIGHT NOW!"

"No, I mean, what can I do until tomorrow when I can see my doc? I have a date tonight."

"Dad, there will be NO TOMORROW for you if you don't go to the ER RIGHT NOW!" He then hangs up on me.

I phone the Boss and tell his to get a couple of big mechanics and strong-arm my dad into a car and take him to the ER.

EIGHT units of blood later.......

Dad is still around- 86 years old and still not listening to me.

Farawyn · Dec 10, 2015

He's a COB. The apple did not fall far from the tree! :)

WoosahRN, MSN, RN · Dec 10, 2015

Had a scary experience when my grandmother was dying and on hospice in a care facility. They were giving her morphine at our request. Didn't seem to be doing much. When they told me the dose, it was so small I didn't understand (I give more to kids!). Called the hospice nurse who said she could have more and she had several other meds prescribed. Turns out the techs (I thought they were LPNs) didn't know the difference between mg and mL, didn't know what a PRN order was and didn't know what a range med order was (she could have a range of the morphine, she was getting the smallest dose and they kept telling me the mL vs the mg). I ended up having to look at her MAR and write out a med schedule (she also had Ativan, a med they didn't know about or understand). Turns out there are a couple states where you can give meds after a 4 hour class. My goal wasn't to go there as a nurse but to help mom be there for her mom. My mom is also a nurse and her family tends to drop everything when she comes and bail. She just wanted to be daughter, not nurse. But in the end she did die peacefully with myself and my mom by her side.

Also, after we finally got her comfortable with the meds my grandfather mentioned stopping them because "see? It worked. She doesn't need anymore." (She had been getting morphine q3 and it took several doses of increasing amount for her to be comfortable). We gently told him it was better to continue the meds to keep her comfortable.