living the dream!

  1. Haven't been on here regularly for a while as have been very busy since arriving here. When I say busy, we have been spending a lot of time chasing ss#, sorting out car, shopping, opening a bank account etc, but not always feeling we have got very far. At the moment I am wondering whether we are going to live our dream. My husband and son have gone back to the UK this evening and I'm here on my own. It was planned before we came over that my husband would go back after a month because unfortunately we haven't sold the house. Our son we hoped was going to stay with me, but has not settled, has not tried to settle, but has wanted to go back home from getting on the flight over here. He tried school for one day only (he's 18 in november), we've had a really tough time with him. He's spent his days on msn chatting to his girlfriend and friends, and of course knowing that his dad was going back after a month ( we had return tickets as they were cheaper), made it an easy option for him.
    I felt like going home the first couple of days, I cannot explain the feeling. However, the days got better for my husband and myself, but now today I feel just like I did 4 weeks ago. I've cried so much today, my husband and son are up in the air at the moment on their way back home, and I'm sitting here all alone. We both know it's what we want and can be happy here, but the separation is going to be very hard, and I'm questioning myself is this worth it?
    I hope my son comes back when the house is sold and my husband comes back for good, but whether he will only time will tell. I know he will be 18 soon but he is still my child. I have already left one behind, she is almost 21 and may or may not come in the future after uni. Although she is coming at christmas for 2 weeks with her boyfriend.
    I hope the house is soon sold, but it's one of those things you can't predict. I do have my mum and dad coming over for 3 weeks on 8th november so I have that to look forward to.
    Anyway, anyone reading this thanks for listening.
    Got to keep smiling and stay strong, it'll all be worth in the end I keep telling myself!:spin:
  2. Visit apriljan profile page

    About apriljan

    Joined: May '06; Posts: 107
    Staff Nurse in Palliative care
    Specialty: theatre, elderly, community, ICU


  3. by   madwife2002
    I have pm'd you
  4. by   Silverdragon102
    I really hope things settle down for you soon (((((hugs))))) It is a good reminder that there are a lot of things to do once we get out there and sometimes doing it alone with no one to turn to.... But there is always the friends we make on here to help. They may not be in the same city/state as you but they will have gone through it and be able to give advice. Keeping fingers crossed that you sell your house soon. We have just sold ours and don't complete until the end of Jan at the earliest but now stuck with retrogression so not sure what to do.
  5. by   mudget
    It must be very hard to be seperated from your family at this time. Just know that we are here for you whenever you need to talk.
  6. by   RGN1
    Hi April nice to hear from you, even though the post was a little on the sad side.

    Your son is all but an adult so I expect it was very hard for him to leave everything behind & it sounds like he hasn't exactly tried to make it work for himself either. You really haven't been there very long & now you've been left alone so I think we can all understand where you're coming from.

    However, I'm sure it will work out in the end. after all you fought so hard to get there - N-CLEX, Visa's & all that paperwork. I don't think you should be worrying about how you all feel at this time because what you're feeling is probably pretty normal I would guess.

    Friends of mine who emigrated to Canada said it took them a year before they felt anything like settled & then another couple before they really started to feel like they could call their house a home (& one of them was actually Candian but had moved to UK when she got married). Eight years down the line the husband has become a Canadian citizen, the kids are getting a great education & life is good for them.

    So give yourself time, allow yourself a cry but don't lose sight of the reaons you did this. Remember the traffic, the weather, the congestion charge, the constant CCTV, the speed cameras, the terrible parking, the traffic wardens, the spy chips that are going in our rubbish bins, the recycling fines that are proposed if said chips register that we're throwing too much away, the pay per mile extra road tax that's in the pipeline, the extra tax for family sized cars etc etc etc. I know the grass isn't always greener but I know you wanted out of the UK for one reason or another so remember those reasons & go for it.

    We're all thinking of you & we all really care & some of us know that when we're posting similar threads to this in the months & years to come you'll be the one who will probably be pepping us up! xxxxxx

    BTW have you started work yet? If so what's it like?? I think most of us will be really curious to know about that side of things!
  7. by   Tanvi Tusti
    Hi april
    Im sorry to hear how you are feeling, Im sure things will get better soon. Ive lived in France and Australia so I know how hard it is to settle, but it WILL. Keep your chin up and remember why you wanted to go there in the first place. I think its inevitable for everyone to feel homesick at first, its a huge lifestyle adjustment. Your son is at a difficult age I guess and having a girlfirend back here in the UK is not going to help him feel OK about things. Give it time and you will forget all about the feelings your having now. :icon_hug: :icon_hug: By the way which part of Lancashire were you in? Im in Preston.
  8. by   apriljan
    Thanks to all for your replies. First day on my own today. Went to the social security office as told on wednesday ro return today and they would give me my number. Guess what, it hasn't shown up yet! Feel like you get the run around all the time. We applied for ss# through our immigration application but been here since 28th september and as we hadn't received them, although got permanent resident cards this week! So as I need mine for work went down there on wednesday and they processed it. Have to go back on monday! Consequently haven't started work yet, although been to 2 full days of IV skills and start orientation in the classroom on monday for 2 weeks. Still emotional, spoke to my son and husband today. Both feel it's the hardest thing we've ever done. Still, hopefully he will be back very soon.
  9. by   cariad
    hi, my daughter decided not to come with us, she was 20 at the time but she is the baby. her dad and I are divorced and he lives 400 miles from her, so to leave her behind with no family nearby was hard, we had to buy somewhere for her to live before we left so that she had some security in where she lives, but that has also helped her to lay roots there and not to move near her dad or her sister who lives 160 miles from her, or her brother who lives 500 miles from her. but she was determined that was what she wanted.
    we are doing what we wanted and wouldnt be happy if we had to stay in the uk because of family. so we just make the most of our lives here, even although we still miss everyone back home.
    we are now having a good life and have been to places that we would never have visited before. the carribean, lake tahoe, san fransisco, and now the grand canyon.
    life can only get better for you, the quicker that your hubby gets back the better it will be. even if your kids only come to visit.
  10. by   apriljan
    Thanks Cariad
    I know that things will work itself out and I tell myself there was nothing to stop me going back on the plan with them if I really wantd to, and I chose not to but to stay here, but deep down we know it's what we want, It's just the separation that we don't want.
  11. by   suehp
    I am sorry to hear you are having a bit of a rough time at the moment. It will get better but it just feels like everything is against you at the moment. I have been here a year now and only in the last few weeks have I felt settled. The first few weeks were very rough - trying to sort out SSN, the house the cars and furniture then starting new job and feeling out of my depth...missing family & firends etc....all the stuff you are going through.....I do also think coming out so close to Christmas didnt help either - made us feel unsettled as we hadnt got used to being here and all of a sudden the tree was going up etc...You have the added problem of doing it alone at the moment.....

    .....(((hugs))) it does get better!
  12. by   janelola
    I just wanted to say that my mum emigrated to Sacramento (nursing) 5 years ago and I was very upset, but, it does get easier and easier as time goes on. It's great going over to see her, we manage every 6 months, either her over here or me there. It's also opened up a whole new world for me also. Having email has made the world seem a lot smaller place, as we can send each other piccies etc. Now I've been over 4 or 5 times, and seeing how different way of life and how happy she is, there is no way I would want her to come back to rainy old blighty!! (been particulary crappy weather today!) Seeing how great life CAN be my husband, 2 young children and I have decided to make the move also! So, I am starting the whole process off, and as sad as you do sound at the moment, it is all teething problems that you will look back on in the not too distant future.
    Good luck, keep your chin up.
    Janelola xxx
  13. by   kheynurse
    We came out at the end of January this year, and boy have we had a roller coaster ride!

    We spent hours online researching everything, we came out twice to find a house and we have friends here so we expected the first year to be tough, but we thought we had it covered. I came over with an agency, so I thought that at least the job was one surefire thing.................WRONG. It is a long story, but there was no job for me, we came very close to losing our brand new dream house and finances were VERY tight.

    I remember when we had been here for about 5 weeks, we were still in a hotel and still no SS# , so no sign of an income. 3 out of the 4 of us were in tears at the end of our teathers. We weren't missing the UK but we were upset that things were not working out as we had hoped. The 4-6 week mark is perhaps when the honeymoon/ holiday feeling wears off and reality of real life hits home.

    Now, 9 months down the line, I am working at a lovely local hospital, (away from my sponsoring agency) doing an internship, so I am finally getting the orientation that my agency promised and never came through with. The pay is great, the benefits are great too. Life is getting better and we are finally getting to do the things we came here for. The kids (although younger than yours) are really enjoying their schools and the much more family oriented lifestyle here. Life is looking good.

    Hang in there.........once you are settled in your job and your husband is back, things will get better, just keep plugging away at it!
  14. by   apriljan
    That's for that!! Actually got issued SS# today although card not due to come for up to 2 weeks. Started orientation today have that for 2 weeks, classroom based. I'm communicating with my family on a daily basis through msn, thank god for the internet!! Still feeling lonely, but have made a couple of friends today. One in a similar situation as me, the other an american nurse but very friendly. So, I'm holding out till 8th November when my parents come over for 3 weeks!!