Instructor won't keep hands to self

[elle27]

I am a first term LPN student. My trouble is one older Professor (she's a retired R.N.) who has to pet, squeeze, touch, pat, rub and huddle during any conversation. I'm afraid of retaliation (she's already written me up over an honest mistake) and losing my place in program if I speak up and say stop. I don't want to be whiny--but it's distracting--she's smothering--and it makes me really uncomfortable. I understand there is a therapeutic factor to touch--but I don't need to be groped while learning. It's a small school in a small town.

She also wrote me up for being upset one day after clinicals. I was in the parking lot, leaving after we finished. I had held it together all day. She had dropped this bombshell about changed assignments that morning. I was almost at my car. She called after me--and asked two or three times how i was--assured me I could talk to her--and then took that trusted communication and turned it into a write up of me being unprofessional.

I know this program will weed out people who they don't like--no matter how good your grades are or how hard you work. I've known people who were exited because a professor did not like them. This means way too much to me. I really don't want to lose my place. I'm pretty freaked out right now. I thought I was doing well.

Any suggestions?

[Calixan]

I have a simular situation, but not with touching. I have a clinical instructor who seems to have favorites and is very rude when talking to me. She is always late to clinicals, so instead of sitting around waiting, I went to a unit that I had recently put in a pplication for. I had asked her a few days before if I could go there because I put an application there and she told me to remind her, but she sent 3 other students there, and one had been there before already and I had never been. Anyway, I called her when she finally arrived at the hospital to see where I was really suppose to be and she was raising her voice at me and being rude saying I wasn't suppose to go to that unit, so I told her that's why I was calling to see where I was suppose to actually go. That wasn't the first situation, from day one she has been rude but that was the last straw. I don't do well with people with attitude problems because I tend to get an attitude right back, so on Monday, I am going to talk to the director over the program to see if i can switch clinical instructors. I know it's better to talk to her myself but I have a feeling we would just start arguing so I'm going straight to the director. Maybe you should address your situation with the director over your nursing program as well. I graduate next month and can't afford to be kicked out of the program being so close and you don't want that to happen to you either. You can't be kicked out the program for having a complaint. Good Luck!

[nursel56]

It's really hard to get a read on someone's personality via internet, but from what you are saying, her behavior is really inappropriate. Before proceeding, I would want to know if she does this with the other students in your class as well. Exactly what you mean by the groping, etc.-- because that sounds sexual. It has nothing to do with therapeutic touch.

The parking lot incident is also bizarre because of the repeated questions and needy behavior she exhibited, and because she retaliated when she didn't get the response from you that she wanted. If you cried walking to your car it's none of her business why, and unethical at best to write you up for something that occurred in the parking lot away from the clinical setting.

Realistically, she does have the power to mess up your life on a grand scale, and as a matter of pure self-interest, you are best off riding it out, within reason. You could blow the whistle and report it, and then she can make your life a living hell if she remains in her job. If you could expand a little on the touchy-feely stuff it would be helpful in forming a proper response, anyway. Best wishes, though- it's a really tough judgement call.

[elle27]

She is a touchy-feely person. She will pat people on the bottom--or on the head--like we are small children. She did work peds for a long time--before she retired and began teaching. I think that is where the behavior comes from. She comes across as this nice older lady. Most people adore her.

There are a few of us that she seems particularly drawn to. We are all about the same height and build. I don't know if we remind her of a relative or of herself at our age.

I wasn't actually crying--I was just walking fast--trying to get home so I could get started on the work and eat lunch (six hours of clinical with no break!). I was really proud of myself for not crying, actually. Being sandbagged with 6 hours of homework right before a 3 hour A&P exam should be enough to make anybody cry.

I don't think she is being sexual. I feel groped. The way she hangs on and pats remind me of high school boyfriends. It's just weird and disturbing.

I think you are right about riding it out. I feel validated reading that what I've gone through is unfair and inappropriate. A little reassurance and validation go a very long way for me. Thank you very much for the response--seriously!

[caliotter3]

The best thing to do to insure you get what you came to the school for, is to ride it out. You will have plenty of time to complain to the proper channels once you have graduated and the school has sent your paperwork to the board. Complaining beforehand might be a bad idea, if for no other reason that it will take time and energy from the task at hand.

[Multicollinearity, BSN, RN]

I had one clinical instructor who would come up behind me and put her arms around my upper body, squeeze, and just lean up against me and sort of hang. I firmly believe she had a mild case of borderline personality disorder.

It made me cringe inside, but I did nothing. The faculty was aware of her odd behavior and told us students so. At least it wasn't touching with a sexual intent, and your situation sounds like it isn't either.

I suggest doing nothing about her touching, and tuck it away in your memory for a weird nursing school story you'll tell others someday. What I would focus on is what she "wrote" you up for, and correcting any deficiency she has communicated to you, regardless of your opinion about its merits.

When you fill out your course/instructor evaluation near the end of the semester, I'd write something down about the touching. However, I'd word it very carefully so it is clear that you are uncomfortable with the instructor's constant touching, but you are NOT accusing her of sexual harassment. This way your feelings are communicated in a safe way, and the instructor is made aware of the concern without it blowing up into a big "sexual harassment" conflict. She may have no idea this bothers students.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Why not next time she does it ask her politely and respectfully that you are not comfortable with the way she touches you?

[nursel56]

I had a co-worker who did the same thing. She would come up behind us and touch and rub our shoulders and do the bear-hug number trying to pull us in. It just made us cringe, and nobody really confronted her because she was basically a nice person.

This was all before all the edicts about camp counsellors and kindergarten teachers not hugging children as it is now, so the idea of where the personal boundaries stop and start was more blurred. Your instructor, like you said, likely means no harm-- on the other hand makes herself more vulnerable than she realizes if a fellow student views it through what is acceptable today.

[elle27]

I am sorry. I did say something very polite to her about touch. I said, "please, I'd rather not be touched or hugged. I don't feel comfortable." That got me a mini-lecture on therapeutic touch.

I was written up for doing something I didn't know I shouldn't do; a finger stick. I will accept that. i haven't been checked off to do finger sticks. i didn't know we were checked off for finger sticks. the writing up for my "inappropriate" behavior was all about the conversation she initiated in a parking lot off site from clinical--and i wasn't in scrubs and had no identification about me that said i was a nursing student: she and i were alone.

this is six weeks of buildup; i think the write up is retaliation for asking not to be touched.

c'est la guerre. if she has me exited from the program--i will find another.

pressing assault or battery charges would just make a mess of things--but if she makes a mess for me, i will make a mess for her. maybe she'll learn something about boundaries and integrity.

thank you all, again.

[That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B]

Wow. She sounds like a quality educator. Im so sorry. Especially since you stated that the higher ups know that she does this. That just sets the precedence that they dont care.

[CrazierThanYou]

Wow, all these stories are so.... bizarre. I'm not a touchy-feely person at all, except when it comes to my husband and children. I've never been interested in hugging my friends or relatives or anyone else. I can't imagine what I might do if I was in your situation!

Good luck with this!

[Bob_N_VA]

I'm going to go against the grain and tell you that maybe you should just chill out a bit. Think about it, you are going to be in a job that will have you touching other people in ways and parts that most people just don't care to think about. Touching other people and having them touch you back is part of the equation. Of course I'm not talking about somebody else groping you, but putting a hand on your arm or shoulder is a way of showing some care and concern and a way of connecting from one person to another, regardless of either persons sex.

Lots of people feel icky when they are are touched by somebody they don't know. I would submit that working as a nurse is going to put you into into that "icky spot" every day and you will either get over it or you wont. As for your instructor, as a retired RN, she has had her hands on more peoples bodies than you or I could ever imagine and she probably doesn't even think about it. And she probably does treat it as a therapeutic touch so consider her motivation as well. And honestly, are you sure that she didn't have some cause to be critical of your performance rather than just to retaliate for your comments? How long has she been doing this that she would let a student ruffle her in that way? I see so many rants here about this instructor has it in for me and that instructor hates guys and so much other stuff I just have to wonder how everybody survives all the drama.