I'm the insensitive husband. My wife is a nurse that works in the float pool. She spends a lot time working in behavioral health and the medical floors.
She has been working 3-4 16 hour shifts per 2 week pay period lately.
She feels that since she is working 16 hour shifts, and a nurse that I should be more appreciative.
I see things different than her. I wish I could 16 hour shifts and have more days off. I will 4 days off to her 8-9 days off per pay period. I work 80 hours per pay period and she works 60-70 hours. I wish I could do that.
She will also explain to me how hard nursing is. In my mind, that is what she enjoys and is good at. Most of her issues with being a nurse is dealing with other nurses. It has nothing to do with the work itself.
I basically came her to see if I could get a better understanding of how she feels. To hear from other nurses that have done the same thing and how their spouses were.
Please don't hold back. I want your real thoughts. If I mad you mad, then tell me.
The problem with asking for other's opinions is that there is no guarantee that others will have the same thoughts/opinions as your wife.
You say she feels you don't appreciate her. What specifics has she given you. What have you done before coming here to show her you love and support her. Instead of focusing on what you feel she is doing "to you", focus on her.
16 hour shifts seem excessively long. It very well may take her quite awhile to "decompress" or recover from them. If part of the problems the two of you are having involves work around the house not getting done, pehaps you should offer to hire a maid service to help out.
Look at the responses you have gotten so far. Advice such as "don't ask us, it isn't our problem", you have been called "childish" and told to get a "waaaambulance", etc. Imagine having to work with 7 or 8 of these people for 16 hours a day, 4 days a week! Case closed.
This does help me. This is her biggest complaint about being a nurse. She compares it to being back in high school. I had a hard time believing that. Now I don't.
It is hard to understand if you aren't in the field. I will give you my personal opinion. You know the shifts are long and the job is physically and emotionally draining. At most places, this is the least of your problems. Sick people are not happy, and chances are they won't be happy until they get well and are able to go home. I explain things best using analogies so look at any other job, whether it's retail, sales, the food industry, etc. Imagine every client you deal with telling you "this place sucks, I knew I should have gone to another hospital, this doctor doesn't know what he's doing, I want to sign out AMA, I want to file a lawsuit, etc." It's extremely rare to see a satisfied patient because they are sick, and when you're sick you're miserable, and when you're miserable you complain.
And unfortunately some doctors are incompetent and it makes you question how they got a medical license. They put orders in wrong, they forget to order things, they order things on the wrong patients, etc. So you are spending a considerable amount of time fixing their mistakes so that you don't accidentally kill somebody. Sometimes I feel like we should get a portion of their paychecks for every mistake we correct.
And then there's coworkers, and honestly your co-workers can make or break a job. Nursing is nursing is nursing. If I leave the ER I currently work for, and get a job in an ER 50 miles away, it's still an ER and the job description is going to be identical, the procedures will be identical, etc. The only thing that will change will be the type of EMR used and your co-workers. Hence the term "when you quit, you don't quit the job, you quit your co-workers." I found a job where I love my coworkers and it makes all the difference! Because unfortunately there are places where people will respond to any question you have in the same manner that the people on this thread have responded to yours. Hope that helps!
There you go! Talk about showing your true colors, right? When I tell people (who aren't nurses) they don't believe me! They say how could somebody who's suppose to be a "professional" act like that? If you ever need somebody to talk to you can PM me. I've been a nurse for many years.
It doesn't matter the intention of someone asking about nursing to me. I would love to let anyone know what it takes to be a nurse. This is both a science and an art that takes a lot of dedication. Nursing means you are giving of yourself all shift. The shifts can be long because some places there are not enough hours in a given day to get the workload done, and/or staffing could be short. We throw ourselves into this passion and this means at times, home suffers. At times, we don't make meals, keep up on chores at home and even miss holidays with loved ones. Nursing is a calling much like a priest or nun. If both of you are working so many hours, maybe the point is you may want to spend time together and that is a different issue.
This does help me. This is her biggest complaint about being a nurse. She compares it to being back in high school. I had a hard time believing that. Now I don't.
You should never have a hard time believing your wife. My two cents.
Look at the responses you have gotten so far. Advice such as "don't ask us, it isn't our problem", you have been called "childish" and told to get a "waaaambulance", etc. Imagine having to work with 7 or 8 of these people for 16 hours a day, 4 days a week! Case closed.
The point a lot of people have been trying to make is that you need to talk to your wife. A marriage is between 2 people- not two people and an online anonymous forum.
I can describe my work situation, but that's what it is- mine. It doesn't mean your wife experiences the same thing.
You say you now understand what she goes through- but I beg to differ. An online forum is not the same as a real life interaction. Many people have been blunt and told you exactly what they think- you don't often get that in real life.
I wish you and your wife all the best, but from your posts I get the feeling your wife probably feels like she's talking to a blank wall.
This does help me. This is her biggest complaint about being a nurse. She compares it to being back in high school. I had a hard time believing that. Now I don't.
As you can tell from what your wife has said and what you've read in this thread nursing is a profession of professional dramatists and martyrs. Few of the posters have submitted anything substantive or chosen instead to acknowledge the effort that you're making by seeking out the opinion of her colleagues. I'll share a few thoughts:
1) Good on you for trying to see things through her eyes. As you've said, as well as other posters, nursing CAN BE a thankless, arduous, physically and mentally demanding profession. Before I worked as a nurse I had a warped sense of what it meant to be a nurse. While I commend you for coming around here I think it would be important to note that, in a marital relationship, you should really trust each other. Trust your wife's complaints about her job.
2) You sort of had this coming. If you think that you can quantify an other individual's job that you have never done and compare it to yours, you're naive. If you think you can qualify the work you do over the work your wife does, you're insensitive. I don't know what sort of role you play around the house, but as others have suggested you need to pitch in. Rub her feet at the end of the day. Have dinner done. Just show her that you care. This will go a long way. What do nurses do? Nurses care.
3)In the end, this is a marital issue. In my job I have been unlucky enough to attain the skills of intuiting interpersonal relationships, focusing on them and exploiting them in such a manner that I reach the needs of my patient. Sometimes I identify that the best thing for my patient is to do something for one of their visitors because they need attention and care as well. Do not compete with her in such a manner that it causes a rift in your relationship. Be playful. Tease each other. But do not have competitions. We love to make light of our careers because we need to do this to cope with them.
I hope you both get what you need, but please know that while I commend you for reaching out to her colleagues, no answer to this will come from the internet.
I am glad you ask this question, in order word you are seeking help or want to know more about why your wife is stressed. I must say that you are no 1 enemy by envying her and stressing her instead of appreciating her. No matter how many days off she has at work , has she ever have any day off with housework. A wife is full time mother, worker, and housemaid. I think you should be glad to have a wife that works instead of stressing her. You need to learn to appreciate and support her. Thank you.
You seem like a really nice individual, looking for some sincere advice from nurses. Unfortunately the truth is most nurses are very arrogant, self centered, individuals. As you have probably noted by their replies to your post. Now this does by no means say that they are all like this, but Its been my personal experience that the ones on this site are. Either way I hope that you can seek professional help else where but I wouldn't expect ANY miracles here.
LilacsPRN
2 Posts
The problem with asking for other's opinions is that there is no guarantee that others will have the same thoughts/opinions as your wife.
You say she feels you don't appreciate her. What specifics has she given you. What have you done before coming here to show her you love and support her. Instead of focusing on what you feel she is doing "to you", focus on her.
16 hour shifts seem excessively long. It very well may take her quite awhile to "decompress" or recover from them. If part of the problems the two of you are having involves work around the house not getting done, pehaps you should offer to hire a maid service to help out.
You both may benefit from seeing a counselor.