I'm the insensitive husband. My wife is a nurse that works in the float pool. She spends a lot time working in behavioral health and the medical floors.
She has been working 3-4 16 hour shifts per 2 week pay period lately.
She feels that since she is working 16 hour shifts, and a nurse that I should be more appreciative.
I see things different than her. I wish I could 16 hour shifts and have more days off. I will 4 days off to her 8-9 days off per pay period. I work 80 hours per pay period and she works 60-70 hours. I wish I could do that.
She will also explain to me how hard nursing is. In my mind, that is what she enjoys and is good at. Most of her issues with being a nurse is dealing with other nurses. It has nothing to do with the work itself.
I basically came her to see if I could get a better understanding of how she feels. To hear from other nurses that have done the same thing and how their spouses were.
Please don't hold back. I want your real thoughts. If I mad you mad, then tell me.
floater? she is under a lot of stress! If she is rEALLY bothered, maybe she gets involved with her patients. She is a good nurse, but you have to draw the line.
Point taken but when I was in nursing school no one understood just how much you have to sacrifice and what you had to give of yourself. Waking up at odd times of the night to work on care-plans or prepare yourself for clinical. I dont think that we should assume anything. Just because hes married to a nurse doesn't mean he understands what we go thru or what the job truly entails. I didn't find it wrong for him to ask a question. I was just shocked by the communities response, we are not trained to act like this.
He should understand what it entails because she tells him.
The response isn't shocking if you read the replies more carefully, I don't think you have. It can be quite a nice feeling being all shocked and appalled by others' terrible behaviour, the moral high ground is a comfortable place! But, there is a lot of insight and experience on here from married nurses.
We ARE trained to act analytically, yes, I certainly was.
A lot of nurses on here seem very... irritated. What ever the reason for your post bait or otherwise... that's on you. However, from a nurses perspective... with friends who are not nurses...
It IS very irritating to hear, "Iwish I only had to work 3 or 4 days a week, you have it so easy." Sure, I will give you that... it is nice. However, we EARN those days off... just like anying else who works. Working a 16 hour shift is BRUTAL. I will give you a little insight. This will also explain our twisted sense of humor. You come in for your shift. The amount of patient depends on your floor, acuity. Since I work in ED, I'll use mine. I get in at 7. It may seem like a small ratio, 3 patients to one nurse. One of my patients is an ICU hold. That means he probably should be a 2-1, 1-1 patient. However the waiting room is 20 deep. We have to move patients. Patient satisfaction plays such a HUGE role, so have to kiss patient and payients families ass. So not only are you managing a blood pressure that's going up and down, a pulse that's going up and down, you have to get room 2 an ice water and a warm blanket. Room 2 is here for a lady partsl bleed with a threatened miscarriage. I have to run back in room one because my monitor is alarming for a HR of 40... have to push another critical medication. Then I have a break in room 3, a kiddo who is 6 years old with a sore throat, ear ache and a 103 fever that triage mercifully gave Ibuprofen. I have the Mom of room 3 getting frustrated because she has been in the room 90 minutes and doctor has not been in. You have to be apologetic and take the verbal onslaught of a scared frustrated Mom. You then run into room 2 to assist with a pelvic exam, only to find out, her cervix is in fact open... but you are unable to see prouducts of conception... where are the products of conception? You just looked at the blood test results her hcG levels are in the 10s of thousands. There should be something there. The Mom to be is crying, Dad is trying to comfort Mom, and you can't spend any time in there because your ICU hold finally got a bed assignment. You need to get his ass out of ER so if he dies, he doesn't die down in the ED (Sorry ICU nurses!!) You read report from memory because all your notes from the code are on scattered pieces of paper. Because he is a critical patient, you specifically have to take him to the floor, but have to wait for someone from respiratory staff to accompany you to drag the ventilator. This goes on to varying degrees for 16 hours. Your brain is FRIED. Documentation is a whole 'nother beast. Have you heard the saying... "It takes a nurse 30 seconds to do something, 15 minutes to document it" it really is true. You have make the documentation agree with the timeline. This is all IF you have doctors that aren't in pissy moods. Unfortunately, nursing has moved toward customer service. The nicer you are the more money the hospital gets. So, while some patients really aren't bad... sometimes you get patients verbally abusing you. All you can do is sit patiently, while imagining popping their head off their nexk like a zit. Then, 5 minutes later tespond with a sme when they ask for a blanket. So not only do you have to deal with patients and doctors... there is always the possibility of having to deal with nursing politics. Let's face it, at the end of the day... we all pull together... but the road to the end of the day, can be a nasty beadt. Doing this for 16 hours, 12 hours multiple days in a row... it honestly feels like you need an entire day to rest and recover. Unfortunately, a lot of nurses have family to take care off. A lot of nurses pick up additional PRN hours for extra money. Please keep in mind, I'm not insinuating the job you have is not difficult. Nursing is a combination of physicaly and emotionally draining. We all to a certain extent have a perfection complex. After a bad day, I've gone home and asked myself... "Can I do this? I'm an idiot. Why did I pick this?" I am one of the lucky ones, I don't have to deal with kids who need me or other family that needs me. When I did date seriously... some days all I wanted is to be held. Don't talk, don't fix, just be. We have to but on a brave, stoic poker face for 12-16 brutal hours. Don't make us do it at home. I'm sorry this is so long, but if you made it this far... I hope you have just a little peek through the curtain on the world of nursing.
Specializes in Psych., Rehabilitation, Developmental Di.
OMG! Mr. Insensitive, I have read some of the responses to your dilemma and frankly, I am apalled at some of them. You have been bashed by many "insensitive" nurses about bringing marital issues into this forum. Believe me, you have come to the right place. The comment that you both need a vacation due to burnout, had me lowering my head and thinking, no she didn't write that. But she did, and that is not only insensitive, it misses the point.
Telling you to take you problems elsewhere, by a nurse, is the same as telling a patient "don't tell me uour problems, go see a priest".
It just rubs me wtong when I come across someone like you, opening yourself up for feedback with a.delicate matter, and you get bashed. Fundamentally, it's not right, and frankly, I am embarrassed.
That being said, Here's my take. I divorced my first wife after she hounded me about wanting to be a nurse. The jealousy was pathological. I actually withdrew from school to avoid conflict. Later I had a float pool job that allowed me to work 2 weeks on,2 weeks off. My non-nurse girlfriend, like you, hated it. I worked less, made more, and had a 2 week vacation every month.
Lay people, for the most part, do not get nursing. That includes you. Nursing is not just a job, it's a journey. We don't choose to be nurses, we were destined to become nurses. You're not insensitive, you have been blessed. Just reading some of the responses makes me think, no wonder she has issues with co-workers.
Another way to look at it is just be glad she doesn't work on a construction crew.
She is exactly where she is dupposed to be. You have a decision to make. Are you exactly where you are supposed to be? I think if you weigh it all out, your answer will be obvious.
Best of luck with your dilemma. Accept that sometimes,even the most caring and empathetic people in the world, can be ignorant. I know I have been at times. I might get some grieg over this, but it's ok. I'm retired, I'll take it, acknowledge it, say thank you, and go fishing.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
So says the nurse with a patient who has ABGS that are getting worst but thinks the doctors is going to order lunch . No, Im not interested in taken advice from people like you.
Then what's *your* answer? If you are really a nurse!
So says the nurse with a patient who has ABGS that are getting worst but thinks the doctors is going to order lunch . No, Im not interested in taken advice from people like you.
Fair enough. Take care of this fictitious patient. I'm having lunch.
So says the nurse with a patient who has ABGS that are getting worst but thinks the doctors is going to order lunch . No, Im not interested in taken advice from people like you.
You don't know what you're getting into buddy. [emoji6] I'm telling you! This crowd don't play!
. No, Im not interested in taken advice from people like you.
Roy Hanson
211 Posts
floater? she is under a lot of stress! If she is rEALLY bothered, maybe she gets involved with her patients. She is a good nurse, but you have to draw the line.