I'm the insensitive husband. My wife is a nurse that works in the float pool. She spends a lot time working in behavioral health and the medical floors.
She has been working 3-4 16 hour shifts per 2 week pay period lately.
She feels that since she is working 16 hour shifts, and a nurse that I should be more appreciative.
I see things different than her. I wish I could 16 hour shifts and have more days off. I will 4 days off to her 8-9 days off per pay period. I work 80 hours per pay period and she works 60-70 hours. I wish I could do that.
She will also explain to me how hard nursing is. In my mind, that is what she enjoys and is good at. Most of her issues with being a nurse is dealing with other nurses. It has nothing to do with the work itself.
I basically came her to see if I could get a better understanding of how she feels. To hear from other nurses that have done the same thing and how their spouses were.
Please don't hold back. I want your real thoughts. If I mad you mad, then tell me.
This is a very honest and true account of what a wife has to deal with and honestly(I don't know why you do for your job/career) but many of these things you leave at work and very repetitive. Dealing with psychiatric patients has a whole other wear and tear on a nurse. Not only do you have to be "on" for your full 16 hours but you also have to feel the tension of the unexpected. This person can not only harm themselves but they can harm YOU simply while taking a blood pressure. It is intense and takes a toll.
My advice in this is allow her to have time to "do her". She needs an escape and for you to allow her to do that. Nonyvole explains this so well I. That yes she works 3-4 days in a work period but you have to tack on a day for recovery plus EVERYTHING else she is responsible for in the house hold. Offer to make dinner so she can take a nap or do a date night every week or every other. My husband actually gives me a foot massage with a foot scrub. No joke the 10 minutes that he takes to do this allows me to relax and breath. In this act he is showing compassion for what I do even though he doesn't fully understand.
The best question you can ask is "how can I show my appreciation? Foot rub on Fridays? Drinks together on Thursdays? Hubby makes dinner on Mondays?" What works for one wife may not be what another would like.
I actually give you props for coming on here. It shows initiative and seeking another perspective. Sometimes it's easier to hear it from someone else.
Considering all the new nurses who have just joined the conversation & you repeating yourself twice! Didn't come here for answers regarding his relationship. I told you that.
Why did you not answer the nursing scenario that foreveRNimble gave you? Make me wonder.
There are lots of things I could comment on, but just for one: one hour doesn't equal one hour from one profession to another. Let me tell you, if she's working 16-hr days, they're hard - HARD, I should say. I 'only' worked 10 hours yesterday without a break, and I practically never stopped moving. It's physically AND mentally tiring, even if you like it.
This does help me. This is her biggest complaint about being a nurse. She compares it to being back in high school. I had a hard time believing that. Now I don't.
There we are. That is exactly what I objected to. I don't understand why he doesn't believe his wife. Is she a liar? Are there trust issues? Would he just not believe her whatever she said? For anyone who thinks this was a lovely action on the part of the OP, akin to him trying to find a new restaurant to take her to, that is why the posts have not been super fluffy and congratulatory and people have told him to focus on his marriage.
Nurses are not generally compassionate fools, they can look a little deeper into a situation.
This guy came here looking for insight on how to make his marriage better and his wife happy and all you can do is gloat on your relationship. You could never take care of me with that insensitive attitude. Is that what nursing school has taught you? Honestly Im not sure why such cruel people want to have such important jobs that involve Helping not Tearing others down. I guess as long as your book smart any one can pass nursing school.
Oh no. This is not our job. To take care of an anonymous husband of an anonymous nurse playing the comparison game on whose life is harder?
Who creates an account to ask other nurses about his marriage? Please.
He knew he may get blasted. He states that in his OP.
Oh no. This is not our job. To take care of an anonymous husband of an anonymous nurse playing the comparison game on whose life is harder?
Who creates an account to ask other nurses about his marriage? Please.
He knew he may get blasted. He states that in his OP.
He needs to talk to his wife.
Point taken but when I was in nursing school no one understood just how much you have to sacrifice and what you had to give of yourself. Waking up at odd times of the night to work on care-plans or prepare yourself for clinical. I dont think that we should assume anything. Just because hes married to a nurse doesn't mean he understands what we go thru or what the job truly entails. I didn't find it wrong for him to ask a question. I was just shocked by the communities response, we are not trained to act like this.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
Point taken but when I was in nursing school no one understood just how much you have to sacrifice and what you had to give of yourself. Waking up at odd times of the night to work on care-plans or prepare yourself for clinical. I dont think that we should assume anything. Just because hes married to a nurse doesn't mean he understands what we go thru or what the job truly entails. I didn't find it wrong for him to ask a question. I was just shocked by the communities response, we are not trained to act like this.
HAHAHAHAHA! Did I miss that one??? I sure didn't get called into nursing. I was more told by my parents.
I wonder if people who were called to become nuns or priests are annoyed by people saying that about nursing - being a nun seems more like a lifestyle whereas nursing is a job.
Specializes in M/S, LTC, Corrections, PDN & drug rehab.
I wonder if people who were called to become nuns or priests are annoyed by people saying that about nursing - being a nun seems more like a lifestyle whereas nursing is a job.
I would be if I were a nun. That *is* a true calling whereas becoming a nurse is just a job you feel like doing or get told to do.
This does help me. This is her biggest complaint about being a nurse. She compares it to being back in high school. I had a hard time believing that. Now I don't.
Shoulda taken her word for it instead of a bunch of anonymous peeps from the internet.
AStonesthrow
5 Posts
This is a very honest and true account of what a wife has to deal with and honestly(I don't know why you do for your job/career) but many of these things you leave at work and very repetitive. Dealing with psychiatric patients has a whole other wear and tear on a nurse. Not only do you have to be "on" for your full 16 hours but you also have to feel the tension of the unexpected. This person can not only harm themselves but they can harm YOU simply while taking a blood pressure. It is intense and takes a toll.
My advice in this is allow her to have time to "do her". She needs an escape and for you to allow her to do that. Nonyvole explains this so well I. That yes she works 3-4 days in a work period but you have to tack on a day for recovery plus EVERYTHING else she is responsible for in the house hold. Offer to make dinner so she can take a nap or do a date night every week or every other. My husband actually gives me a foot massage with a foot scrub. No joke the 10 minutes that he takes to do this allows me to relax and breath. In this act he is showing compassion for what I do even though he doesn't fully understand.
The best question you can ask is "how can I show my appreciation? Foot rub on Fridays? Drinks together on Thursdays? Hubby makes dinner on Mondays?" What works for one wife may not be what another would like.
I actually give you props for coming on here. It shows initiative and seeking another perspective. Sometimes it's easier to hear it from someone else.
I wish you you all the best!