So, I'm a feminist and all about equal rights. But still I find myself making all kinds of sexist assumptions in my office. Not about the kids, about the parents!
IE- I never call a dad first unless the student tells me that his/her dad is home that day. I try to catch myself and ask the kid "Who will be easiest to get a hold of?" But if I'm calling for paperwork or for something unrelated to a student visit, I always call the mom's phone first.
The one that really bugs me (because it hits close to home, I'll explain :) ) is that I have a fleeting moment of "What a great, involved father" pretty much every time that a dad calls in their kid sick or comes to pick them up. When a mom calls a kid in or picks them up, my thoughts NEVER turn to "Now that's a good mom!" Nope, it's just what we expect moms to do and give dad a gold star for doing.
Personally, this really chafes me. My ex husband is minimally involved in my children's lives. He sees them weekly (as it is stated in our divorce agreement) but he would NEVER pick up a sick kid from school. His exact words to me were "That's on your time, it's your problem" (Did I mention he has no job? So not only does he not have a job that he would have to leave to get them- and he is only 20 minutes from their school-- but he has no money to pay child support. Somehow he has beer money and cigarette money, but no Kid Money).
I could go on and on about his cavalier attitude towards parenting, but it would turn into a novel. What I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE OF is hearing anyone say "Well, at least he still sees them" as though that makes up for being uninvolved in his children's lives??? It makes me sick for my kids that he does not show any concern for them or their activities. He flat out says to them "I don't care about that" when they want to tell him about things that interest them (pokemon, gymnastics, their friends).
I think "who will be easier to get a hold of" is your best bet. My mother died when I was a youngling so whenever the nurse/office would ask to call mom or dad It would get very awkward. They usually didn't know how to react.
Yea, I had a kid who needed 16 stitches to his face and mom blew up because dad picked the kiddo up on "her" day. She didn't return the initial phone call so yea, I called dad. I'm not going to let a little kid sit there like that because the parents can't play nice in an emergency.
I've had parents gripe about that too - it's not the school's job to keep track of the custody schedules, especially when there is a medical emergency and two valid guardians to contact.
This post hits on so many things that irritate me.
I assume Mom is the primary caregiver in the homes of my students because I am. It's sexist, but it's the way it is.
Why do I not have my husband take more responsibility? He's a wonderful father, but I assume the role of primary caregiver to all 3 children.
Why won't women answer their phones? It's like a mystery.
But the thing that bugs me the most is when I finally get a parent and he (for it's usually the father) says, "I don't know (can't leave work, etc.) you're going to have to call my wife. I have yet to say it, but I so want to say this child is your responsibility. YOU call whomever needs to be directed to care for this person you helped create!
I forgot to mention the custody deal. Certainly not my responsibility. I have had children say they do not want me to call a parent when I cannot reach the custodial parent of the week. It makes me sad. I call anyway and play stupid. Grown people should not use children as pawns.
I think "who will be easier to get a hold of" is your best bet. My mother died when I was a youngling so whenever the nurse/office would ask to call mom or dad It would get very awkward. They usually didn't know how to react.
Yup I learned that the hard way...I'm in HS, so kids usually have a handle on who is available.
I love when they say my mom, and then the bio mom is listed as 3rd contact.....we do have a "notes" section in MMS where sometimes there is more info...
Girlafraid13
309 Posts
I think "who will be easier to get a hold of" is your best bet. My mother died when I was a youngling so whenever the nurse/office would ask to call mom or dad It would get very awkward. They usually didn't know how to react.