the thread about strange patient requests is about seven years old now, so let's start a new one. what is the most inappropriate request a patient has ever made of you?
a patient once asked me to tell his girlfriend that he never wanted to see her again.
"let me get this straight," i said. "you want me to break up with your girlfriend for you?"
"yeah, that's it. i've been getting tired of the (bad word that means female dog) anyway."
and then there was the patient who asked me to toilet his mother, who was visiting. she was in her 80s and the patient was concerned because his wife, who had brought the mother in to visit, "doesn't like to help her out with that." guess what. neither do i, and it's not as if i could leave the icu to go out to the visitor's bathroom and toilet his mother anyway. even had i wanted to.
and then there was the woman who wanted me to babysit her children in the icu room because "granny always watches my kids when i go out to party. i'll just leave them here with her, and you can help her watch 'em."
last year a patient demanded that i give him a hand job. he said he was going crazy not being able to do it for himself anymore. no lie. fyi he was in for wrist surgery and his dominant hand was wrapped in a cast.
I worked in dermatology for a lot of years. I had one woman call me at the office one day and offer me a ridiculous amount of money if I would come to her house and do her botox injections for her. She offered me $1000 to keep her nice and botoxed for an entire year. In other words, she was basically asking me to "steal" a supply of botox (a years worth...much more money than $1000!) and keep her face "nice and firm" (her words, not mine!)
When I was working outpatient surgery, we did a lot of breast augmentation. When it was time to have bandages removed...I would get requests from boyfriends/husbands, to take pictures of them with their wife's new rack. I always found it funny...and heck, it's their camera. If they want pics of them and the new boobies, so be it!
I had another little old lady (76 years old) ask me if she could feel my boobs to see what her new implants would feel like. I had to turn her down for two reasons. 1) I wasn't going to get felt up by a patient and 2) mine aren't implants. She said "where did you get yours done?" I told her...my mom made them for me. They're natural. She proceded to get her implants done...a nice 34D on her 76 year old body! She said that she always wanted "big girls" but that her husband wouldn't let her get them done. He passed away and in his will...as a joke, he gave her "permission" to get them done.
we had a patient the other night ask us when we were going for a McDonald's run. *yeah we have a McDonald's in our lobby*
Had a younger patient who was the wife of a prominent town citizen a year or so ago. Extensive cardiac history, and was on a cardiac diet. Cont'd to tell the nursing staff "I just want some mexican food". So, our DON makes daily rounds on patients to ensure they are happy. After seeing this young woman, or DON leaves the hospital to go buy her a huge plate of mexican food from a nearby popular mexican place.
Specializes in Geriatrics, Cath Lab, Cardiology,Neuro.
I've had a patient tell me he wanted "white, American nurses only" to care for him. Yeah, buddy good luck with that in Miami...
I lived in an urban area in Massachusetts, and my Home Health Agency ALWAYS got calls from the elderly clients from the "old school" pre-civil rights era, who SPECIFICALLY requested a "White, Caucasian, English Speaking Girl" Well there was me and 2 other aides to choose from!
I had a patient to ask me to go to the restaurant across the street and get her some good coffee because the hospital's coffee sucked. I told her that I can not leave the floor to get her some coffee. She then said I could get it for her when I got off. I told her that I could not and why doesn't she ask her daughter to get her the coffee before she comes and visits for the day. She pouted but called her daughter and asked her to do it.
And with a twist of fate her daughter went and got the coffee bright and early well at 6am and brought all of us bagels for putting up with her mother. She bought me a apple danish because I had to endure her mother the night before. She told me that her mother called her and said I would not go to the bakery and get her some good coffee. She told her mother that I was not her maid and to be nice to the nurses.
last year a patient demanded that i give him a hand job. he said he was going crazy not being able to do it for himself anymore. no lie. fyi he was in for wrist surgery and his dominant hand was wrapped in a cast.
I have had the "can you be sure my wife and girlfriend don't show up at the same time?" request. I simply answer no, that's not my responsibility. I am glad they ask though, since it gives me time to update security. This way they already have the background story for when the fist fight breaks out in the hallway...always makes for an interesting shift!
"And then there was the woman who wanted me to babysit her children in the ICU room because "Granny always watches my kids when I go out to party. I'll just leave them here with her, and you can help her watch 'em."
My reply: "Well here, if you're leaving let me give you the number to social services. I want you to know where to call when you want to pick up your children."
Good Call! We're nurses not babysitters! It's called parenting!
I worked in dermatology for a lot of years. I had one woman call me at the office one day and offer me a ridiculous amount of money if I would come to her house and do her botox injections for her. She offered me $1000 to keep her nice and botoxed for an entire year. In other words, she was basically asking me to "steal" a supply of botox (a years worth...much more money than $1000!) and keep her face "nice and firm" (her words, not mine!)
When I was working outpatient surgery, we did a lot of breast augmentation. When it was time to have bandages removed...I would get requests from boyfriends/husbands, to take pictures of them with their wife's new rack. I always found it funny...and heck, it's their camera. If they want pics of them and the new boobies, so be it!
I had another little old lady (76 years old) ask me if she could feel my boobs to see what her new implants would feel like. I had to turn her down for two reasons. 1) I wasn't going to get felt up by a patient and 2) mine aren't implants. She said "where did you get yours done?" I told her...my mom made them for me. They're natural. She proceded to get her implants done...a nice 34D on her 76 year old body! She said that she always wanted "big girls" but that her husband wouldn't let her get them done. He passed away and in his will...as a joke, he gave her "permission" to get them done.
Wasn't that a sweet "parting gift"?
Yeah it was. Sounds like he liked them the way they were and knew how much a revised set would mean to her. Sounds like he left enough $$ to get them done, too! Whattaguy!
MikeyBSN
439 Posts
That's why nature gives us a back-up hand.