In fear of losing my license.

[Newgrad665]

Hello everyone, I have a question. I was chatting with this guy, and the conversation turned sexual. When I rejected him, he threatened to send the chat to my manager and to the board of nursing. Could this make me lose my license or my job? There were no revealing images shared on my part or anything. It was just a chat.

Thank you!

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

The problem is that you are not OP's manager. Despite our PC world many people will develop an opinion about someone sexting someone they barely know. You are free to do what you like but you do not get to control how people react. That is part of being an adult. I also take exception to labeling sexting as normal and natural but that is a different thread.

True, people can think whatever they want about you. But they don't actually get to react any old way they want.

People can hate you because you're black, ugly, republican or Jewish too but they can't fire you for that.

In many workplaces, there are strong guidelines for how to support someone who is experiencing domestic violence, and this behavior is a form of domestic violence.

What better way to bully and control someone you want to **** than to threaten to embarrass her at work?

Even better, due to ignorance, many people respond by punishing the victim.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

True, people can think whatever they want about you. But they don't actually get to react any old way they want.

People can hate you because you're black, ugly, republican or Jewish too but they can't fire you for that.

In many workplaces, there are strong guidelines for how to support someone who is experiencing domestic violence, and this behavior is a form of domestic violence.

What better way to bully and control someone you want to **** than to threaten to embarrass her at work?

Even better, due to ignorance, many people respond by punishing the victim.

I am not sure what you mean. The PP said that she would not lose respect for the OP. I said that some people would. I don't know how that translates to being ugly or Jewish or fired. Domestic violence seems a stretch to me but so does being sexually explicit with someone you barely know over a phone. Saying that people should think before they act and take responsibility for poor choices is not the same as blaming the victim.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

Saying that people should think before they act and take responsibility for poor choices is not the same as blaming the victim.

YOU may not mean that, in that way, but it often used to blame victims. with the blamer getting to determine a "poor choice", after the fact. just think rape victims...

[middleagednurse]

No. It was just sexting with no pictures. I'm just scared because he is threatening to send them.

stupid thing to do.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I am not sure what you mean. The PP said that she would not lose respect for the OP. I said that some people would. I don't know how that translates to being ugly or Jewish or fired. Domestic violence seems a stretch to me but so does being sexually explicit with someone you barely know over a phone. Saying that people should think before they act and take responsibility for poor choices is not the same as blaming the victim.

To clarify what I mean:

You state "you don't get to control how people react."

My response is that people also do not get to react however they want. They can think what they want but they also can't fire a woman for having sex in a way that they don't approve of. Just like you can't fire someone for race, religion, etc.

It is definitely domestic violence. Not a stretch at all. The threat of sexual humiliation is very definitely an abusive act. And it's also very easy because people will shame the victim, as is evident here.

This is precisely why domestic violence is so insidious and pervasive. It thrives on the shame of the victim.

[middleagednurse]

please ignore. I should NOT have said this. I wish I knew how to delete stuff.

stupid thing to do.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

To clarify what I mean:

You state "you don't get to control how people react."

My response is that people also do not get to react however they want. They can think what they want but they also can't fire a woman for having sex in a way that they don't approve of. Just like you can't fire someone for race, religion, etc.

It is definitely domestic violence. Not a stretch at all. The threat of sexual humiliation is very definitely an abusive act. And it's also very easy because people will shame the victim, as is evident here.

This is precisely why domestic violence is so insidious and pervasive. It thrives on the shame of the victim.

I apologize for being vague. When I said reaction I was referring to thoughts and feelings because the previous poster mentioned losing respect for the girl. I am not sure how you can be domestic with someone that you don't even know. I thought that there needed to be some type of actual relationship for something to become domestic.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

YOU may not mean that, in that way, but it often used to blame victims. with the blamer getting to determine a "poor choice", after the fact. just think rape victims...

Being sexually explicit with a total stranger is not the same as being blamed for being raped and I'm sorry if anyone thought that is what I actually meant. While I don't think any one person should get to decide what a poor choice is I also don't think it's fair to sit around and say no one ever gets to say when there's a poor choice being made.

Some things are just not wise this was a poor choice and now the OP is paying for it. No she shouldn't be getting harassed by some whack-job but she shouldn't be getting intimate with some whack-job either. If she took the time to get to know him she would have known it was a poor choice.

[Conqueror+, BSN, RN]

The word domestic is defined as of or relating to family relations or running a household. Domestic violence is defined as aggressive behavior within the home or within a relationship usually involving the abuse of a spouse or partner.

I think that this term has become a lot like bullying and is being attached to every little thing. While I'm sorry that she is going through this you cannot compare her situation to what women men and children are going through every day in their own homes and relationships.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I apologize for being vague. When I said reaction I was referring to thoughts and feelings because the previous poster mentioned losing respect for the girl. I am not sure how you can be domestic with someone that you don't even know. I thought that there needed to be some type of actual relationship for something to become domestic.

There was a relationship. He was not a stranger. They chatted, he knows her name, he knows where she works. That is a type of relationship.

I also want to address the fact that telling a domestic violence victim that she should think before she acts and she needs to be responsible for her choices, in response to an episode of abuse is blaming the victim.

It is precisely why abusive men get away with it.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

The word domestic is defined as of or relating to family relations or running a household. Domestic violence is defined as aggressive behavior within the home or within a relationship usually involving the abuse of a spouse or partner.

I think that this term has become a lot like bullying and is being attached to every little thing. While I'm sorry that she is going through this you cannot compare her situation to what women men and children are going through every day in their own homes and relationships.

The word "domestic" in domestic violence refers to the fact that the perpetrator and victim have or have had in the past some type of romantic or sexual relationship.

Before a domestic abuser abuses his wife, he abuses his girlfriend. Before he abuses his girlfriend, he abuses the woman he is casually dating or pursuing via the internet.

This is how it starts. It starts with stuff like this; you can't reject me, I will humiliate you at work. She's scared, she feels like he has something on her, even if he doesn't.

But he does though. Because even people who imagine themselves as totally intolerant of abuse will look at her and be like "What were you thinking? You made a bad choice. That was a stupid thing to do." Especially the people (people of a different time) that never sent a sext in their life and have no understanding of that type of dynamic.

A woman doesn't wake up one day in an abusive marriage. That is how I can compare what happens between spouses to what happens between people in the texting phase of a relationship.

[Horseshoe, BSN, RN]

It's not a shame, someone violating someone in this way is a shame. Sharing very personal information about an individual is a shame.

That's actually what I meant but apparently didn't state well.

The facts ARE, however, that conversations made electronically CAN be shared, and what a person felt was PRIVATE being shared to people with whom they have a professional relationship CAN be very embarrassing. Expressing one's sexuality on line, electronically is something one does at one's peril. It SHOULDN'T be shared, but as well all know, that can be a very naive assumption, as many individuals who have shared nude photos/sexual conversations, etc., have found out to their dismay.