Important Lessons my Patients have Taught me...

[SweetLemon]

So I hope this does not offend anyone too badly but one thing I have learned working as a psych nurse is you have to laugh becuase if you dont you will probably cry. I saw something similar posted by emergency room docs. But what are some of the most interesting things your patients have taught you???

1. Even if you try to kill yourself by ODing on every drug known to man, make sure that EVERYONE is aware that you are allergic to gluten & Lobster as soon as you get on to the unit!! Because you know we serve lobser in the state hospital all the time .

2. If one staff tells you no, just ask another one.... and another one, and heck why not another one. someones bound to tell you what you want to hear.

Okay these ones are not super great but hopefully will get the thread started, I can only image some of the stories some of the nurses who have been doing this for a while have......

[Jules A, MSN]

1. Even if you try to kill yourself by ODing on every drug known to man, make sure that EVERYONE is aware that you are allergic to gluten & Lobster as soon as you get on to the unit!! Because you know we serve lobser in the state hospital all the time .

ROFL! You made my day this is priceless!

[inthesky]

Self-mutilation should not be done because all you get are days and days of itchy scabs.

[SweetLemon]

If you want to get out of a psych hospital all you have to do is refuse all fluid and nutrition, eventually your vitals and blood sugars will become all out of wack and you will get sent over to medical...... (*But what they don't tell you is once they got you hydrated with a few BIG OLD NEEDLES they will send you back to psych). Did you miss me? :icon_roll

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

when attempting to castrate yourself, make sure you use a clean knife, and sharp would be good, too. the nasty infection you get could take you away from the psych hospital you so badly wanted into -- and place you in my icu where we don't want your crazy a$$!

[MADHAT6]

i love my bipolar patients and the things they say like "why the hell can't i be in the damn religious program !" or "i have been fired from over 200 jobs for my excellence,now tell me do you think that is right!?" or "why shouldn't i borrow money from my sister so i can sue her !!!" they keep life wonderfully fresh and it is a privelege to work with them and hear their perspectives.

[EarthChild1130]

1. If I read ANYWHERE in your chart that you tried to bludgeon a nurse to death in a state hospital, please don't complain when I don't want to 'give us a hug'.

2. Taking those little aluminum foil tops off the juice cups and rolling them up tight turns them into sharp, handy little weapons.

3. If you are going to sit in your hotel room and crush pills/heroin/meth all day, for goodness' sake keep them out of reach of your 18 month-old daughter...when she's older and finds out she was taken away because of that (and she finds out her stomach had to be pumped before she could talk), she won't be happy.

And the most important:

In spite of EVERYTHING bad in this world, some good can be found if you change the way you look at life. One patient told me, "I know those voices are just my illness...I know they're not real...but the meds don't make them go away all the way...so I just think of them as angels singing to me, and things don't seem so bad..." On one hand it was sort of sad, but then I realized he was taking what he had and making the most out of it.

[rachelgeorgina]

1. Ensure is NOT a brown liquid (because you weren't stupid enough to hand out chocolate flavored ones.) THAT, in fact, is diet coke, they're all sipping up through those straws. (I still haven't figured out where someone can hide a full bottle of Ensure and not have SOMEONE notice.)

2. The slats in the roof are a very interesting spot to look during a room search. Keep a ladder handy on the unit at all times.

3. Bullet proof glass and perspex mirrors don't break when someone throws a metal chair at them.

[SweetLemon]

if you are upset because we are only serving decaffeinated coffee, just smuggle little mini packets in your bra. nothing worse then a caffeine headache...oh wait we search you when you come in the door... busted!!!:icon_roll

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

1. the little round aerator screens in 3

2. if you tape a razor blade to your scalp, it might not be found, unless your shirt flings it to the floor when you take the shirt off over your head...

3. it can be fun to organize the other patients to keep the staff occupied so you can tp the nursing station...

[MrsBradyMom]

.....leaning over your bed to hook up the nebulizer to the wall O2 is not smart, especially with you lying in bed. It puts the "girls" within hands reach of a sexual predator. OUCH

.....being med nurse is not fun. No, of course you're not addicted. Stop following me.

[Quilter0225]

I work in adolescent psych. If you are a borderline (and many of these young ladies are), be sure to have a borderline mother so you can set up a constant cycle of phone calls (2 allowed per shift) home to mom who will call the charge nurse for long, melodramatic discussions about your daughter's treatment. Staff splitting then becomes a team sport! When you don't get what you want, be sure to have your mother try to get the current charge nurse to call the previous charge nurse at home to confirm that she said you could have whatever it is. When that doesn't work, demand to have the doctor paged...