So I hope this does not offend anyone too badly but one thing I have learned working as a psych nurse is you have to laugh becuase if you dont you will probably cry. I saw something similar posted by emergency room docs. But what are some of the most interesting things your patients have taught you???
1. Even if you try to kill yourself by ODing on every drug known to man, make sure that EVERYONE is aware that you are allergic to gluten & Lobster as soon as you get on to the unit!! Because you know we serve lobser in the state hospital all the time .
2. If one staff tells you no, just ask another one.... and another one, and heck why not another one. someones bound to tell you what you want to hear.
Okay these ones are not super great but hopefully will get the thread started, I can only image some of the stories some of the nurses who have been doing this for a while have......
If you are having trouble producing enough urine for a UA just mix it with some water. And on the flip side of that if you don't have enough coffee in your cup just mix a little urine with that too (and offer it to staff while your at it ). One think I have learned is NEVER to drink anything a pt. has given me... especially the 80year old retired nurse with a wicked sense of humor......
1. If you threaten to throw me out the window over the phone, when you get to my office, at least make sure you're as tall as me...I'm kind of husky. (And my window is kinda small).
2. My office is not big enough for me, the crisis team, the cops, and a psychotic patient with a knife.
3. If you are high on meth and you jump from a REALLY high bridge, there is a SLIGHT possibility that you'll live (and be REALLY mad about it...and not hurt at ALL).
4. If I fill a med box for you with a week's worth of meds, don't try to re-organize them by color...I know you want to take all the green ones (Haldol 5mg) at once and all the grey ones (Depakote ER 500mg) at once, but trust me...that's NOT a good idea.
5. The pharmacist knows that when I call in med refills for you, I will only call in a 2 week supply of benzo at a time...he will question me if he gets a call for 'Ativan 2mg 1 by mouth 4 times daily, quantity of 120 with 12 refills'...
Whew, what a week at the clinic!! lol Gotta love it!!!
1. Always wait until 11pm to call and complain that your adolescent child needs to be transfered to a medical hospital. Honestly, I'm sure you didnt know about the abdominal pain when you visited at 7pm.
2. Yes, I'm sure you are here (at the psych hospital) because you called the ER doctor Dr. Pompus. What other reason could it be? (not the pressured speech, mania, or OCD s/s)
3. Punching a window to try and escape can actually break a bone.
. 
SweetLemon
213 Posts
If you are having trouble producing enough urine for a UA just mix it with some water. And on the flip side of that if you don't have enough coffee in your cup just mix a little urine with that too (and offer it to staff while your at it
). One think I have learned is NEVER to drink anything a pt. has given me... especially the 80year old retired nurse with a wicked sense of humor......