I live in a small town and the closest nursing school is 175 miles away. I have gone back and forth with wanting to be a nurse for the last 10 years. I finally got into an accelerated 12 month BSN program (it starts this May). Here's the problem. . . .I have been dating a great guy for 7 years and he has wanted to get married for the last 2. All I ever wanted to do was get this degree out of the way before having kids. We have battled over it for the last year and finally our relationship ended 2 days ago. I am now going to move in with my family in a different state until school starts just to get my head clear.
Both of us are incredibly sad. . . .I just can't understand if two people love each other why they can't make something work? And it's only 12 months!!
Sorry, for crying on everyone's shoulders. . . .but I never wanted to lose him for nursing school!! He said if things were right later on down the road that he would take me back in a heartbeat, but he said that he thinks that I am going to find a new me and he will never see me again!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Specializes in critical care; community health; psych.
Seven years is a long time to wait for someone. And during the year you will be away in school, he's supposed to be doing what? It's an awful lot to ask. The flip side is that you are being very realistic in thinking that once you have kids, it will be tough becoming a nurse. You will have the man, the house with the picket fence and the kids but you won't have the sense of fulfillment that comes with reaching a long awaited goal. You won't be "all that you can be" in your own eyes. That can tear away at a relationship.
A dear friend of mine and fellow student who was also in my clinical group, found out she was pregnant the night before her first clinical day. She was beaming from ear to ear and two days later withdrew without any misgivings at all. She had been trying to get pregnant for a while without success. Can you see yourself being that satisfied with that same choice? She was ok with the family decision but can you be?
Matters of the heart don't make a lot of sense. You're just going to have to wait and see what happens on this one. I don't envy you this sad dilema.
I guess we all have to figure out what's important to us..and what makes us happy...when you are happy and fulfilled you can only be a better person in EVERY way..whether you're a nurse,wife,mother...or all the above...best of luck in your decision (((hugzzz)))
Just a shortie--short on time, don't want you to think I don't value your issues here, but.....
This fellow is 45 and is not willing to let you do what you need/want to do at 31. I predict that, love or not, he won't help you get to nursing school after you have your babies either.
You will be a different person on the other side of school. Go to school first, then see if you and he still want each other.
you can come home on weekends, get your studying out of the way during the week.
This is a mom talking. Like you couldn't tell.
either way, no matter what you do, it will not affect the world much one way or another--you should do what makes you happiest (not him, honey, you).
I agree that you have to do what makes YOU happy. You will be unable to make anyone else happy unless you are happy yourself. If he is as good a man as you think he is, then he will wait. If he doesn't, then he is not what you need, anyway.
You might not have realized it, but in part of your post you answered your own question. You said: "All I ever wanted to do was get this degree out of the way before having kids."
Well, if that's truly how you feel, then do it while you can - don't have any regrets later on about it.
You said the Nursing School you plan on going to is 175 miles away - yes it's a long drive to see each other on weekends, but still do-able. I know lots of people that drive that far on the weekends just to go to the beach.
My husband and I met in the Navy in the 80's - 10 months after we got married they sent him to San Antonio, Texas for school and me to work at a Naval Clinic in Norfolk, VA (2,000 miles between us) and I cried like a baby for weeks. Thanks to the US Navy we were apart for 2 very long years - way too far to drive, very expensive to fly and we only saw each other 2 times in those 2 years - a nightmare. Let's just say that being 22 years old at the time in Norfolk, VA surrounded by a zillion not so bad looking Sailors was "quite the temptation". We stuck it out by calling, writing and praying all the time in the hopes we'd get back together.
It's been 21 years since then - today was our 22nd Anniversary:) - we have 3 Great Sons and a nice life together. If it's meant to work between the 2 of you, you'll find a way. Like I said, the distance you'll be apart isn't that great - tell him to give a little if he really wants you. Best of Luck to You... SusanNC
have been dating a great guy for 7 years and he has wanted to get married for the last 2.
I'm going to be blunt. Are you afraid of commitment? Because you say you don't want to have children until after your degree. But, getting married is not the same thing as having children. In addition, you haven't been going to nursing school for the past 7 years, have you?
I'm sad for both of you, but especially your sweetie. Please marry him (if you feel its right for you) or let him go.
suemom2kay - I can't say that I am afraid of commitment. When I met him I was taking some nursing prerequisites but he said he didn't want to deal with anyone who wanted to go back to school. I guess we should have walked away from each other then, but I thought maybe my desire to go to nursing school would go away and we fell head over heels. At the time I was only 24 and he was 38.
I guess my desire to go to school has always been there, but I also didn't want to lose him just to be a nurse. I didn't want him to resent me because I was away for a year at school while we were married because deep down inside he really doesn't want me to be away for a year.
We were in a weird cycle of not getting along. . . something had to happen. I am a firm believer that it's all in God's hands and if he wants us to be together after a year, it will happen.
I disagree with telling her to get married or let him go. My husband and I dated six years before I finally was ready to marry him. I had been there and done that, and wasn't ready to do it again. If I had married before I was ready, we both agree that it probably wouldn't have worked out. The OP has her reasons why she hasn't married yet, and I wouldn't rush her decision.
BTW, my DH have been married for 9 years now, and it's been wonderful. But I still don't regret waiting, and neither does he.
Peggy Sue - Thanks, Your encouragement has been great. I know you can tell 100 people the same story and you will get 100 different opinions. I tried to see if he would marry me now before I go to school, but he says that we can't make it work. He did say that I will discover a new side of myself and he will never see me again after school. The only thing I can do is go to school and if we are meant to be together we will be in the end.
he IS insecure. When people were first saying this, I was like that may or may not be the case. But, you just explained it when you said that he said that you are going to discover a new side to yourself and that he will never see you again after nursing school sounds like he's really afraid that if you better yourself, then you WILL leave him behind. He sounds like the kind of man that has to be a MAN in the sense that he has to make more money than his woman etc. YOU KNOW THE TYPE. Not that its a bad thing for him to feel that way. But he was honest and upfront with you from the beginning about how he felt about dealing with someone that was going back to school. Now you know that you have to get this overwith because the desire has never left you in 7 years. That means that its in your heart to accomplish this goal for yourself and you kind of mislead him into thinking that you weren't going to return to school (after all, you did wait seven years. I know it doesn't take that long to complete prereqs.) That wasn't fair to either of you. I just wish you luck with your situation and if he doesn't want to get back together after you finish school (he may feel betrayed ) then that's something that you are going to have to deal with because you know that it may happen like that. Just give it to GOD and let him handle everything. It's out of your hands now.
Ranchgirl30
37 Posts
These boards contain such a wonderful group of people. Thanks for all of your support and encouragement. I really appreciate it!!!!