I'm So Sad!!!!!!!!!!!

Nursing Students General Students

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I live in a small town and the closest nursing school is 175 miles away. I have gone back and forth with wanting to be a nurse for the last 10 years. I finally got into an accelerated 12 month BSN program (it starts this May). Here's the problem. . . .I have been dating a great guy for 7 years and he has wanted to get married for the last 2. All I ever wanted to do was get this degree out of the way before having kids. We have battled over it for the last year and finally our relationship ended 2 days ago. I am now going to move in with my family in a different state until school starts just to get my head clear.

Both of us are incredibly sad. . . .I just can't understand if two people love each other why they can't make something work? And it's only 12 months!!

Sorry, for crying on everyone's shoulders. . . .but I never wanted to lose him for nursing school!! He said if things were right later on down the road that he would take me back in a heartbeat, but he said that he thinks that I am going to find a new me and he will never see me again!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Sounds to me like he is feeling insecure; like if you better yourself, then you won't want him anymore. In seven years of dating, I bet you two have weathered some storms together, and I believe you can weather this one out, too. If I were you, I would stick with the plan and go to school; I bet you two will be together in the end. :kiss

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Thanks Peggy Sue. . . He said he just wants to get married and start a family now - wants me to go to nursing school later - How am I suppose to go to school 175 miles away with kids?? . . . .Oh yeah, he is going to turn 45 this summer and I am only 31. I think I will love him forever but for right now I am going to just get my mind clear and get through school!!

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Tell him that it's a TON easier and cheaper to go to school BEFORE the kids, than after the kids. And I do speak from experience. If he really loves you, and I suspect that he does, then he WILL wait. I would bet money on it.

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on the one hand

it seems like waiting 12 more months

after 7 years of dating

is not too much to ask

on the other hand

he has wanted marriage for two years already

and 45 is getting up there to start a family

he may believe after nursing school

you will want to practice nursing

for a period of time before starting a family

45 + 12 months + ?????

he will be older than he wants to be for fathering

this is a sad situation and I feel for you both

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Gosh, I told him that I would get pregnant during the last 3-4 months of school. The problem also is that he likes having me around and for me to be "gone" for a year only coming home on weekends would be too hard on him.

But my question is - How can he meet someone else, date , get married and start a family and recover from a 7 year relationship breakup any sooner than my 12 month program???

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You probably have heard this said before, but here goes. "Life happens" and I am here to tell you, for a reason. That reason may not be clear to you now but in time it will be.

You can no more figure out why this person does not want to stay in this relationship any more than you can figure out how they could end and start over in a new relationship in 12 months. Furthermore, it is pointless to beat yourself up trying.

Each of you sounds like individuals with goals. Pursue them with all you have.

One thing I have learned in my life is this; yesterday, today and tomorrow are spelled differently for a reason. Walk on, not away. Remember each of you deserves to be happy and that may just not be with each other.

I wish you all the best in school. Keep us posted,

C

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Specializes in ICU.

Well, I agree that after seven years you all should be married! But, I also understand you passion for getting this degree out of the way. What you have to do is what is best for your life. I'm not telling you to be selfish but, you're only 31 and if you commit to a family at this moment when you have the chance to go to school (right quick), then you'll may never go back with all the demands that a family will place on you. You won't be a happy wife and mother, because you'll be living a life of regret and you really won't be able to enjoy the fullfillment that a family brings. Also, the man does have a point because he is 45 but, YOU have to think realistically. What if you don't go to school and you all get married and (God forbid) things don't work out in the long run, then you're stuck with the kids and no nursing degree. It'll definitely be harder to go back then. Get the degree now so you can be happy and yall can live happily ever after. After you get your degree GO BACK AND GET YOUR MAN!!!!!!!!;)

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jemommy. . . .thanks, you're right. I liked the last line you wrote. No matter what he thinks now, that's what I am planning on doing if HE is still single then. . .I know for a fact I will be. No time for anything but studying.

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Specializes in Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

If nothing else, going out of state for a year will get you both out of the endless loop you're in so hopefully you can get some clarity in your thinkiing (both of you). Here's hoping you find the mental energy to focus on getting the studying done and the distance to know that you belong together. Good luck!

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Specializes in ICU.

SORRY FOR ALL OF THE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS. I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO PROOF READ:imbar

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I know that the break-up was hard for you, but congratualations for sticking with your dream. You deserve someone who will support you in what you want to do! After seven years, if he wasn't willing to wait 12 months...

Sometimes people get scared when their significant other wants to improve themself, like maybe they'll be left behind. Maybe he just couldn't handle the insecurity.

And hey, if it was meant to be, you'll find each other.

(((hugs)))

-Kate

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