I'm not rude and assertive so I wouldn't survive at work...right?

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

I think that I am much like you. I have always been a very chill person and it takes a lot for me to get my feathers ruffled. I had to learn the difference between rude and assertive. Assertiveness in my neck of the woods (the south) has generally been categorized as "rude". I had to overcome that social norm and accept that I was being assertive on my patient's behalf, and if my co-workers viewed that as rude, then it was their problem.

You must be assertive in this profession. There are so many nurses that I see that don't want to "rock the boat" so to speak, and as a result, are seen as weak nurses. They are timid people by nature. What I have witnessed in the past is a timid nurse that has been put squarely in an emergency situation, and because she recognized that she HAD to be a patient advocate, rose to the occasion and acted in an assertive manner. She had a very good outcome for her patient as a result. Sometimes it just comes with experience.

You will get there. You already know that you can catch more flies with honey, and that you will go far with simple courtesy. There is no need to be rude, and should you encounter a rude, abrasive nurse, steer clear. They will only bring negative energy to the group, and will suck any positive energy out of the team.

Just know that to be assertive is to protect your patient. If someone takes your assertiveness as rudeness, don't own that. It is YOUR responsibility to be assertive in the right situations. It is NOT your responsibility to deal with a co-worker who has a problem with it.

diligent-trooper · Sep 16, 2010

As one increases in age, I believe one is able to develop in their personality. If you are shy and reserve, you will eventually increase in your confidence and overcome the negative emotions perceived presently, when confronted with negative personalities and the inevitable conflicts. I believe everyone can relate what I am getting at: Ever seen the old lady or man at the store who is demanding customer service. "I WANT SERVICE, AND YOU BETTER GIVE ME GOOD SERVICE NOW!

NamasteNurse, BSN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

Being assertive is not being rude. Assertive means you are a good leader, you speak in a way that shows you know what you want and know what you are talking about. You may be confusing assertive with aggressive. Being assertive is necessary in any job of authority. Rude on the other hand is never appropriate. Some nurses are rude and some are wimpy. Some are nice and some are mean. Some are assertive and some are not.

The workplace you describe is ideal but do-able. On any given day you will work with all of the above mentioned personality types. Your attitude is up to you. I am myself, I'm friendly and kind but also assertive as I run my floor. I ask people for help and I offer help. I understand that we work as a team or we fail, and that every member of the team is just as important as me. I value my aides and I respect my supervisors. For the most part with very few exceptions, it works. :nurse:

BrnEyedGirl, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN · Sep 16, 2010

In all honesty, I have more problems with pt's and families than I do with other nurses. I'm a non confrontational person by nature. I don't like to fight with anyone, I almost never raise my voice and I learned at a very young age to pick my battles,..most things really aren't worth arguing about.

The new nurses that have problems with the staff, usually have problems over things that they would have problems with no matter where they worked. If a nurse is lazy, others will complain. If a nurse spends more time on his or her cell phone then they do with their patients people will complain. If a nurse is dangerous, she will get called on it. It doesn't matter if you work in a hospital, a bank or a convenience store, your co workers will expect you to come to work, be there on time, do your work and be able to do it correctly. Nursing isn't any different than any other job.

Being aggressive or rude is not a requirement and if you work with my team, they wouldn't allow you to treat them that way. We all treat each other with respect and are all friends who spend time together outside of work. I think that you will find that under most circumstances, you will make some great friendships as a nurse. Especially if you work nights. We all need each other and we all understand that the shift goes by much smoother if we work togther as a team.

Good luck to you. I hope you can come back here a year from now and tell us about your great team!

SWS RN, ASN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

Good answer RN-Cardiac,

I also agree with the other poster...night shift was very cohesive...I worked nights in PICU for 8 years...ran many codes where everyone was "intense" and assertive but never what I would call rude.

I am also put off by the assumption that to be successful or to "make it" nursing requires one to be rude.

Nursing requires one to "know what they are doing".

I have worked in many specialties, I am successful, and I consider myself to have "made it"....but I am not rude.

Confident, yes...assertive-sometimes...but rude?....NEVER!

Might be a good idea to stop being so critical of the other nurses and look inward a little bit....maybe it is not all of "those mean, seasoned nurses" with the problems.

chloecatrn · Sep 16, 2010

I meant "at work."Nurses eat their young and don't get along.So I heard...I don't let people walk over me,but I don't have a bad attitude if it's not called for.I'd have to really feel offended by someone to have one.So would I survive as a Nurse? The ideal work environment for me would be a comfortable one, where everyone collaborates in a friendly manner.I know this is a stereotype but sometimes,stereotypes could be true...Nurses,speak to me !

I wish some nurse would eat the myth that nurses eat their young. Not all nurses have a bad attitude. If you're not willing to let people walk all over you and you've got a backbone, and you're looking to collaborate well, you'll be fine in a healthcare setting. This is how most people operate. SOME people are a little more malcontent, and there will be drama.

This is born of a little too much estrogen in the workplace, I think sometimes, not the individual people... because there were people that I used to work with that I got along with fine in the hospital that I couldn't stand outside and vice versa. Additionally, my best friend and I worked together, and we could be at each other's throats all day at work, and walk out the door and go live together just fine. The workplace is what you make of it most of the time, and the rest of the time, it's what you let others make of it.

RNperdiem, RN · Sep 16, 2010

I wonder if the OP has actually worked in nursing or is this is a bias she will be bringing into the workplace.

Give people a chance.

SWS RN, ASN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

Per other posts she is a nurse and working....has had the same problem and posted about it repeatedly. :rolleyes: It seems to be a recurrent problem...do you think it's really "all of us assertive and rude seasoned nurses?", You know how we alll are......

nyrn5125 · Sep 16, 2010

it's wierd how we always see stuff about nurses eating their young. if it were a male dominated profession do you think anyone would bring emotion and feeling into it. no, men are "assertive". women are called catty and rude. In nursing we want warm and fluffy all the time and you can't always have it that way. people have different personalities and some nurses aren't as friendly/happy go lucky as others. nurses don't eat their young its women who place expectations on each other at a stressful job. of course there are some people not meant to be nurses and who don't care, but probably a minority in the profession. It can't be roses all the time

April, RN, BSN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

Per other posts she is a nurse and working....has had the same problem and posted about it repeatedly. It seems to be a recurrent problem...do you think it's really "all of us assertive and rude seasoned nurses?", You know how we alll are......

She's not a nurse. She's trying to decide if she wants to be one.

SWS RN, ASN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

Sorry, but she is a nurse--now she is working in Home Health and doing Flu shots...she posted on how the nurse she was working with at the Clinic was mean and nasty to her...read some other posts...the older ones also state she had to move to get a nursing job and she had a hard time at her first job because she "is so pretty" and the older "seasoned" nurses were jealous and mean!

April, RN, BSN, RN · Sep 16, 2010

Sorry, but she is a nurse--now she is working in Home Health and doing Flu shots...she posted on how the nurse she was working with at the Clinic was mean and nasty to her...read some other posts...the older ones also state she had to move to get a nursing job and she had a hard time at her first job because she "is so pretty" and the older "seasoned" nurses were jealous and mean!

You are definitely confusing her with another poster. Back2Nursing09 had a baby two years ago and is ready to go back to school now. She's interested in the health care field and is trying to decide which career is the best fit for her.

Here's one recent thread she started explaining her situation:

https://allnurses.com/general-nursing-discussion/i-dont-have-503774.html