I'm sure many of the people on this site have at one time been struggling to make ends meet, while on the road to becoming a nurse, but I feel I am at my wit's end.
I have been on my own since 16. My dad dropped me off on a corner the day I was legally able to work (in November!!), and said I could call him when I had a job. Have been working full-time since, and have never been able to make it without credit cards, or enjoy my youth. When I was younger than 16, he would call me names and beat me up if I wanted something like a Dr. visit or shoes. I had two years of savings- nearly 7,000 in McDonald's wages. He emptied my account right before I was supposed to start college and bought some leather furnature, and used the rest toward a Lexus SUV.
The funny part is- my dad's a multi-millionare. He owns one of the largest CPA firms in his state, and he keeps rubbing it in my face that he has been a success in life and I haven't. It seems every few months he is taking some exotic vacation to Egypt, or whatever.
I am now 15k in debt, and I don't want to take out more loans, but despirately want to be a nurse. I am pretty much obsessed with it. I tried to go the cheap CC route, but my mom tossed the letter in the trash when my number came up. I don't live w/ her, but she insisted all school mail be sent to her.
I am also engaged, but wedding planning isn't going well. Everyone wants to come, but no one wants to help pay. I keep talking about eloping, but my family says that is "selfish.":bugeyes:
Its all just piling up! I think this is a literal panic attack. I can't talk to anyone about this stuff, b/c some of it is just not believable. My life is stranger than fiction. Please, someone offer me some emotional support!
Your parents stopped supporting you, they have no recourse to making any demands on you. And you need to make sure that all mail goes to you and not to them. They have come out and shown that they are not responsible for you, so you do not owe them a thing.
But I do suggest that you do something about your father taking your money from your account, that was not his to take. Not sure what point that has was trying to make, but that was not the way to do it.
You may also wish to follow up with CPS to see if you have any recourse against him, and do report it if there are other children in the home still. That makes it even more important to do.
Best of luck to you, but you need to sever all contact with them right now, that is what they did to you; so you do not owe them anything.
And as far as a wedding, please make sure that this is something that you truly want and not just a way to get back at your parents.
I think you should arrange to have a very small wedding. Only if you're positive that it's right to get married now and to this person. Maybe have a judge marry you or get married in the clergyman's study, just you and a couple of witnesses and later, several years from now when you can better afford it, you can have a bigger ceremony/reception for all your friends and family if you want to. There is no need to spend a lot of money on a wedding.
Get your schooling out of the way, as inexpensively as possible. There are lots of sources of free money. Check out scholarship websites, check with your financial aid office at school.
Separate from your parents. It might not have to be forever but it sounds vital for the time being.
You need some counseling and you need an attorney. You can probably get both for free or very low cost, due to your low income that I assume you have.
I am sorry that you've had such a rough time but I hope you will be alright. I wish you all the best.
Small and simple is fine for a wedding. That's what we did and later on we had a reception at a nice hotel when we were able to afford it. I don't regret foregoing the big wedding. Don't you love that show, though, about the celebrity weddings where they spend over a million dollars on a wedding? It is fun to look at, just not practical for most of us. Fortunately, it is not necessary.
Hi, I have some advice for getting money for school. You need to complete a FAFSA application, that will allow you to get loans/grants from the federal government. Depending on how much you make, you may receive grants that you don't pay back. You can also get loans with a low fixed interest rate. You will not have to begin paying these back until 6 months after you graduate. However, if you are under a certain age, it believe its 24, they go by what your parents make. This will hurt you if your dad is a millionaire. I've known a lot of people who are independent from their parents that have been unable to get money because of their parents making too much. I'm not sure what to do about this, but if you get married, then it will go by your income, not your parents! You could always contact a hospital and see if they have a program where they will pay for your schooling. You usually have to work for them after you graduate for as long as they pay for your school. Example if they pay for 2 years of school, you'll be required to work for them for 2 years. I would recommend trying to find funds elsewhere before doing that, however, so you are free to work where you want when you get out, and some facillities will pay those loans off. Good luck with everything, you WILL make it through this!
Wow. Don't be afraid to invest in yourself-it'll be a great investment. You'll make enough money to pay back loans when you graduate, nurses make excellent money. On the subject of your parents, I feel the need to tell you that they are abusers. It sounds like your father (and perhaps your mother) may have borderline personality disorder and/or narcissistic personality disorder. There is a great support group on the web, bpdcentral.com that can shed some light on the ridiculous behaviors of these people. It doesn't matter if there has been a diagnosis or not, they will help you to deal with the bullying, criticizing and soul crushing that usually continues into adulthood (if you continue to allow it). I, myself have npd/bpd parents and your post raised a lot of red flags in my mind. The probable truth is that you could stand on your head while spitting hundred dollars bills, while winning an oscar and they would still find a way to put you down.
I'm sure many of the people on this site have at one time been struggling to make ends meet, while on the road to becoming a nurse, but I feel I am at my wit's end.
I have been on my own since 16. My dad dropped me off on a corner the day I was legally able to work (in November!!), and said I could call him when I had a job. Have been working full-time since, and have never been able to make it without credit cards, or enjoy my youth. When I was younger than 16, he would call me names and beat me up if I wanted something like a Dr. visit or shoes. I had two years of savings- nearly 7,000 in McDonald's wages. He emptied my account right before I was supposed to start college and bought some leather furnature, and used the rest toward a Lexus SUV.
The funny part is- my dad's a multi-millionare. He owns one of the largest CPA firms in his state, and he keeps rubbing it in my face that he has been a success in life and I haven't. It seems every few months he is taking some exotic vacation to Egypt, or whatever.
I am now 15k in debt, and I don't want to take out more loans, but despirately want to be a nurse. I am pretty much obsessed with it. I tried to go the cheap CC route, but my mom tossed the letter in the trash when my number came up. I don't live w/ her, but she insisted all school mail be sent to her.
I am also engaged, but wedding planning isn't going well. Everyone wants to come, but no one wants to help pay. I keep talking about eloping, but my family says that is "selfish.":bugeyes:
Its all just piling up! I think this is a literal panic attack. I can't talk to anyone about this stuff, b/c some of it is just not believable. My life is stranger than fiction. Please, someone offer me some emotional support!
It's not believable.
According to your profile, under additional education titles, you have "BS, Speech-path.".
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
You are living 500 miles from them, so, I think that you can get your mail delivered to you rather than them, especially if you are supporting yourself. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this at this time. It is true, we cannot choose our familes, but we can control how much they influence us as we get practice.
I do believe that you would benefit from counseling; an impartial person who can help you sort out this toxic relationship with your folks and how to deal with your life effectively. I believe this will make you into a stronger person and a phenomenal nurse. Believe in yourself and believe that there is an end to this cycle. Keep us posted and I sincerely wish you well!
According to your profile, under additional education titles, you have "BS, Speech-path.".
Why is it not believable? I do have a BS, which I got b/c and degree BSN's were less competitive, and it was a degree I could complete in a year to put in another app, with no success. A BS in speech path is useless w/o a MS, so I am back at square one and still focusing on issues from when I was a kid. I am riddled with just as many issues as these parents of mine. Despite this, my family continues to rule my life, and yes, I do know it isn't healthy at 24.
I feel for you. Unbelievable abusive relationship with your parents. I had so many reactions that I did not know where to start.
1. Dropping you off to be homeless was the worst form of child abuse that I can think of. As a parent I am absolutely horrified by these behaviors.
2. What your father did in emptying your account was theft. I would report the circumstances of the theft to the police and the county attorney in the area where you lived. Ask to file a complaint. I think the embarassment of being investigated may well cause him to reflect on the error of his ways. BTW he is most a failure as a human being. His "success" is built on sand.
2. I agree that all of your mail should come to you.
3. You may well be able to file a small claims action against him. (Whether it is collectable is another matter but a judgement is a judgement.)
4. I would contact the school where your number came up. Explain the situation. Ask to be put on the alternate lists for classes.
5. Think about holding off on marriage until after you get through school and get established in your new career.
Just to clarify things- he didn't drop me off to be homeless- I found a job that same day and got to come home after only a day putting in applications.
Faith213
164 Posts
You have my prayers and support. Keep us posted and if you need anything, just pm me.