I'm sure many of the people on this site have at one time been struggling to make ends meet, while on the road to becoming a nurse, but I feel I am at my wit's end.
I have been on my own since 16. My dad dropped me off on a corner the day I was legally able to work (in November!!), and said I could call him when I had a job. Have been working full-time since, and have never been able to make it without credit cards, or enjoy my youth. When I was younger than 16, he would call me names and beat me up if I wanted something like a Dr. visit or shoes. I had two years of savings- nearly 7,000 in McDonald's wages. He emptied my account right before I was supposed to start college and bought some leather furnature, and used the rest toward a Lexus SUV.
The funny part is- my dad's a multi-millionare. He owns one of the largest CPA firms in his state, and he keeps rubbing it in my face that he has been a success in life and I haven't. It seems every few months he is taking some exotic vacation to Egypt, or whatever.
I am now 15k in debt, and I don't want to take out more loans, but despirately want to be a nurse. I am pretty much obsessed with it. I tried to go the cheap CC route, but my mom tossed the letter in the trash when my number came up. I don't live w/ her, but she insisted all school mail be sent to her.
I am also engaged, but wedding planning isn't going well. Everyone wants to come, but no one wants to help pay. I keep talking about eloping, but my family says that is "selfish.":bugeyes:
Its all just piling up! I think this is a literal panic attack. I can't talk to anyone about this stuff, b/c some of it is just not believable. My life is stranger than fiction. Please, someone offer me some emotional support!
I have no place to tell you what to do, but since you put out the post and are open for insight, I was just wondering, it seems like you have a hard time saying no to people, especially your parents. Many people suffer from the same affliction, myself included. Eventually you come to realize that it is impossible to make everyone happy, and you are the one ending up miserable. Follow your heart, you are an adult, have your mail sent to you, it is yours, you are not 10 years old and need your mom to open your mail. Apply for student aid, become a nurse, when you graduate, you can work, you can have your grace period for student loan payments, and you will have nurse salary to make the payments. It is your life not theirs, I truly hope things get better for you. Best of luck.:redbeathe
Be thankful that your eyes are open to who your parents are my husband is still in denial about how his parents have messed up his. He experienced this type of financila betrayal too. It is not your fault that you inherited parents like the ones you have. My husband's savings were also taken by his parents with a promise that was never met. In fact he started working at 9years of age!!!! So be encouraged that it is out in the open. Be open with your fiance about all of your experiences especially how you are feeling overwhelmed and feels like "you're having a panic attack". You must be very afraid, terrified, angry, hurt, worried. Getting married can and might aggravate this condition. Make sure your fiance is and will be very supportive and strong enough to go through this and other challenges with you when they do occur. Yes, seek counsel! :heartbeatKnow that you can pray, it cost you nothing. Studies have comfirmed even pain reduction from praying. I am currently praying for you.
Your parents stopped supporting you, they have no recourse to making any demands on you. And you need to make sure that all mail goes to you and not to them. They have come out and shown that they are not responsible for you, so you do not owe them a thing.
But I do suggest that you do something about your father taking your money from your account, that was not his to take. Not sure what point that has was trying to make, but that was not the way to do it.
You may also wish to follow up with CPS to see if you have any recourse against him, and do report it if there are other children in the home still. That makes it even more important to do.
Best of luck to you, but you need to sever all contact with them right now, that is what they did to you; so you do not owe them anything.
And as far as a wedding, please make sure that this is something that you truly want and not just a way to get back at your parents.
Specializes in CNA, Surgical, Pediatrics, SDS, ER.
I went through a lot of greif w/ my parents too. I got pregnant at 16 and they wanted nothing to do w/ me until after my daughter was born. I moved out @ 16 had my daughter, worked, & finished high school. I started nursing school at 23 w/ 3 kids and a great husband! I do not regret for a minute what I went through to get where I am. I don't have a great relationship w/ my mom, never really have, but I have learned to accept that that is how things are and I'm in charge of myself and my life. I've learned how NOT to treat my children and my husband because of her. It took me a long time to forgive her but w/ counceling I managed to push through it. We all need help sometimes and once you get the anger and other emotions out you'll feel much better. If your family is causing you that much grief it's not worth it. You do what's best for you and don't let them stand in your way.
Talk to your school about what options you have for financial resources. How about your fiance? Is he willing to kick in a little extra to help get you through school? I found out that if you want something bad enough there's always a way to get through it. Best of luck to you.
Unfortunately, much financial aide is not available to the adult children of prosperous parents until after, I believe, age 24, correct me if I'm wrong. Until a certain age college students are required to supply the tax returns of their parents and their parents are expected to provide for the college education of said students. It makes it difficult for the adult children of prosperous, but dysfuntional, parents, such as the OP's.
To be honest, there are government and private loans that can be accrued. No, it's not easy falling under the parental finances, but there are ways around it (though at age 24 I'd be surprised to hear that the FA office considered her a dependent). Not to mention scholarships. With a story like the one the OP posted, I would be surprised if she couldn't win foundations over with her true need for financial support.
To the OP, please get some professional assistance with your panic disorder and what sounds like some depression in there. Counseling and medications can help you through the rough patch and nothing to be ashamed of. In my Family Practice clinicals, a good 85% of the clients that I see have a diagnosis of depression/anxiety and on meds. It sounds like you could benefit from an open ear and objective suggestions for daily constraints from a third party.
Your mother has no right to insist on anything if you are over 18, my daughter recently graduated from college and they wouldn't even send her grades home they were posted on line. She was the only one who could access the website, even though her father and I were paying the bills, You are an adult go to a cc and take out loans if you have to, go be a nurse, you father sounds like a major a hole.
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txRN07
47 Posts
I have no place to tell you what to do, but since you put out the post and are open for insight, I was just wondering, it seems like you have a hard time saying no to people, especially your parents. Many people suffer from the same affliction, myself included. Eventually you come to realize that it is impossible to make everyone happy, and you are the one ending up miserable. Follow your heart, you are an adult, have your mail sent to you, it is yours, you are not 10 years old and need your mom to open your mail. Apply for student aid, become a nurse, when you graduate, you can work, you can have your grace period for student loan payments, and you will have nurse salary to make the payments. It is your life not theirs, I truly hope things get better for you. Best of luck.:redbeathe