Im Pagan and a Hospice Nurse....

[SaylahStarr]

I am new to hospice. I have been a nurse for three years and have previously worked in a fairly religously nuetral environment. I suppose I shouldve guessed that hospice would not be such an environment, but I think what has surprised me the most are my coworkers, who seem to be completely unaware that any religious trains of thought exist outside of christianity. I have no problem listening to them and am glad that they believe so whole heartedly in their views, I simply do not agree with them. But the other day I attended my first group meeting with our aide, volunteers, chaplain, sw, etc and they actually prayed before the meeting, assuming, everyone in the room shared the same beliefs as them! This, I found offensive. I am Pagan, Wiccan, more specifically, and I also value religious tolerance, but I am rapidly becoming aware of how much tongue swallowing I am about to be doing.Many of our patients are Christian as well, I expected this, and am ok with it. I am hoping I can find some advice from others who have already walked in my shoes. What is the best wat way to "handle" , if you will, co-workers and patients in a way that is respectful to them but also to....myself??

[LaRN]

If they are happy with it then why do you have to grumble and complain about it? They're taking care of dying people for crying out loud.

[PetsToPeople]

If they are happy with it then why do you have to grumble and complain about it? They're taking care of dying people for crying out loud.

One of her main complaints was praying during staff meetings, that's not about the patients.

[LaRN]

What is the best wat way to "handle" , if you will, co-workers and patients in a way that is respectful to them but also to....myself??

[romie]

The prayer in a work setting issue is a bit like breast feeding in public (but not quite). Both are normal healthy human activities. Both ideally are conducted in a setting in which everyone involved helps facilitates the process and no one feels victimized. Both have "the right" to be conducted in public (well, I wish this world would get a little bit more tolerant of nursing mothers and the babies that need their milk. We are mammals after all! We are classified as such because we nurse).

In my own spiritual practices as an agnostic yogi, I prefer to do my full blown out expressions of spirituality in a setting that is conducive. I would be horrified if I went to a staff meeting and the other staff members had to do sun salutations or pranayama against their will. It demeans my own personal practice as a yogi and turns it into a spectacle instead of the special experience it is. However, I have been known from time to time, do a few mudras (hand yoga/ special hand signs) or silently chant to myself before a big test or a dreaded meeting. Actually, during a meeting, I can practice prana (breath control) discretely without anyone being aware.

Its too bad that the OP's coworkers are not more sensitive to other people's spiritual practices and don't make their own spiritual practices more special by not including them in a meeting ( what I mean by that is that a work meeting is a relatively mundane time, not exactly the time to get a marriage proposal or announce the birth of your child, very unromantic, usually under fluorescent lighting and in uncomfortable chairs). A simple moment of silence will suffice. If they insist on a group prayer for whatever reason (my own spirituality is special by itself and does not need numbers, but I will say that a roomful of people breathing in unison is cool, but not something I need at work).

Nursing moms should absolutely have the freedom to nourish their infants anywhere and anyway they please, just as any one of any faith should have the same freedom for themselves, but with that freedom comes responsibility and the need for tolerance. I wish I could nurse and if I could, I would probably only want to nurse in a zen like space so it would be a fantastic baby mommy mind melding experience, but I understand that infants have needs that are unscheduled and sometimes people feel the need to talk to God/Godess/Vishnu/ Yesu at the last minute. (Actually, the semantics of many of our phrases for last minute/ unprepared have a prayer element in them, if you think about it)

Should nursing moms be confined to unsanitary and uncomfortable bathrooms and back alleys to perform nature's miracle--absolutely not. Should a nursing mom who is at home but has a few close friends over have to hide her baby's needs--certainly not, she should stay put in her comfy chair. I would hope though that she thinks ahead and assesses each situation but I wouldn't mind if it just so happens that she has to do it while I'm around. A nursing mom should use her time with her infant not to make a political/ social statement, but to nourish physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually both herself and her infant. If life happens and it happens to be in the middle of a parking lot, we'll just have to deal with it, but most nursing moms would rather be elsewhere when the need arises.

Should prayer groups be hidden or confined, absolutely not, but they should position themselves in a way that demonstrates that they think ahead and assess each situation. If it is absolutely necessary, then go ahead, but if it is not, then I would hope that they would respect their god by not creating any casualties or collateral damage through their practices. Again, if they absolutely have to pray in a group with non participants in a room and it cant wait until a more appropriate time, then let it be a moment of silence, reflection, coffee break, bathroom break or something.

Just as I have a last minute need to meditate (which I can do discretely, but I'm not ashamed to do publicly and if anyone asks I use the opportunity not to evangelize but to educate--I was discovered by a classmate doing a handstand before a test in a far off area of my school and I explained that the asana (sanskrit for pose) helps improve circulation to the brain.

If I worked for an organization that 99 out of 100 people where yogis and we made a point of engaging in activities that made that one person feel alienated, I would feel so bad and personally not engage in my practices while that person was around just to support them. It would defeat the whole purpose of my spirituality if I made that person feel bad and alienated them.

If I was one of 99 nursing moms sand we had a staff meeting and 99 out of 100 of us mothers nursed our babies during the staff meeting while one mother felt bad because she either did not have any babies to nurse or could not nurse, I would feel bad for her and out of respect for her take my nursing activities outside of the meeting because I would not want to make a coworker I cared about feel bad in anyway.

[romie]

To simplify it. I'm at a staff meeting and there are 10 of us and we are there to discuss the care of our patients. It is custom or acceptable for the ten of us to breast feed during the meeting. However, Jenna, is a new staff member and either--refuses to breast feed, doesn't have any breast due to a mastectomy, prefers to use formula, prefers to breast feed in private or just for whatever reason does not engage in the group breast feeding.

Now I like Jenna both as a person and as a nurse. She is a friend, is smart and witty and has helped me out on numerous occasions. If Jenna felt uncomfortable during the group breast feeding sessions, would I, as a friend and someone who cares about Jenna, participate? No. I wouldn't in solidarity to Jenna for whatever reason that she cannot or chooses not to participate, I will do what she is doing because I care about her as a coworker and as a friend.

[tewdles, RN]

I am a hospice manager. It is perfectly acceptable to begin a meeting with some sort of a "centering" reflection. The reflection can be either religious or secular. They should NEVER always be from a specific or particular faith or belief system. The reflection should not include corporate prayer. The reflection presentation should not be isolated to one discipline (spiritual care/chaplain) and should not be isolated to one faith or belief system.

It is pretty normal for Christian co-workers (particularly in hospice) to desire a shared prayer...it is abnormal for a hospice agency to condone that in the context of a staff meeting. It would be more appropriate for the prayers to gather just before or just after the meeting in a seperate space.

You should mention this to your manager as the practice is not consistent with the behaviors expected in a diverse work environment.

Good luck.

[romie]

Thank you so much. Conscise and to the point.

[TammyRenee]

I am also a Pagan nurse. I have worked with end of life care for 25+ years till I changed specialties. Consider yourself an asset to the company you work for. Pagan people enter hospice too. Maybe they would prefer a non Christian nurse. Tell your co workers your beliefs and why you decided to share. Most nurses love to learn and you have the opportunity to educate them on our earth based beliefs and dispel all the made up misinformation that tv and books have led people to believing. As for the comment about "knowing who is going to have a horrible death" that was judgmental, and not very christian like to say. You can let them now you respect their belief and would appreciate the same in return. I feel hiding my belief system is denying part of who I am. I am a healer. I am a good nurse. I am compassionate . I am a nurse. I am also a pagan . Blessed Be Sister

[TammyRenee]

what about the pagan patients? Dont they deserve to have acknowledgement?

[TammyRenee]

That is possibly true, however maybe they would feel less sad if they knew and understood our beliefs on life after death. Education and Learning is a wonderful thing.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

That is possibly true, however maybe they would feel less sad if they knew and understood our beliefs on life after death.

It would be helpful if you used the quote feature the goddess, um, AN gave us, so we know to whom you are referring as being possibly true. It's easy: You hit the QUOTE button at the bottom of the post you're answering, and the new window comes up for you to type in already including the quoted text, like this above ^. If there's more than you want in between the QUOTE designations, you can highlight it and erase it, like I erased some of yours.

You can also use the quote feature by highlighting and copying anything you want to quote, then open a new "post comment" window, and hit the little quote-balloon icon in the top toolbar. You'll get a set of QUOTE - QUOTE in brackets; if you look carefully, you'll see a cursor in between them. Paste there, and your desired text will appear.

[malamud69, BSN, RN]

Keep some Christopher Hitchens text close