We've all had them, the ones who are there visiting a friend/family member and insists on staying the night, all up in our business about meds and diet and such. Yep, that's gonna be me, in about 4 hours. Mom is having surgery, again. At the same hospital she was at last time.
I followed up, wrote the consumer relations people, the manager, heck, every contact I could find. And I got back exactly... nothing, from anyone. No response at all. I have a hard time feeling like things are gonna be any different this time when the admin folks couldn't even be bothered to answer, what seemed to me, very valid concerns.
So, since I plan on making a fixture of myself while she's there, any tips on what I can/should do to make sure she gets what she needs without completely ******* off the staff?
There is a thin line between being a concerned family member and being offensive to staff. Sometimes you got to do what you gotta do for the loved one. I always try to be helpful, respectful, and kind to the staff, but a time or two, I have had to draw a line and tell them what to do. Sounds terrible, but in truth, it saved time, trouble, and tempers from getting out of hand. Later a couple of staff and even the HN came in and said, "thanks for the help, we were lost". No big deal, just wanted loved one to get the best care possible. Do what is right, that is best for everyone involved in a stressful situation .
Wow, did I need to read this! My husband is having surgery on June 13(yes, Friday the 13th!) for Adult Tethered Cord Syndrome. The hospital is a large teaching facility, one hour from our home. This is hospital I am going to be starting at in August. My husband has never had surg.
The only procedures he has ever had were outpatient and directly related to this, in the last six months. He asks endless questions (the attorney in him!) to the docs and nurses, i.e. whats that for, whats that do, why does it go there, how long does this take, and on and on..........! I am going to have to restrain myself from being a nurse during his stay. I think they are going to have their hands full with him!
If you do everything like what Scribb posted ..... then the hospitalization should be as pleasant as any hospitalization can be, for everyone involved.
But if you do like you said and become "one of those nurses" ..... then I will say a little prayer for those nurses that take care of your mom :)
the way i see it, a family member that is a nurse, is in the perfect position to provide much of the care to the pt, while relieving unnecessary burdens on the staff.
in a heartbeat, i would assist w/all facets of care that didn't involve jeopardizing my license of that of the primary nurse.
as a family member, it is something that i would feel inclined and want to do.
change those linens.
empty the foley.
check iv sites.
take vs.
do as much to extent possible, w/o embarrassing your loved one or crossing lines.
tell the primary that you are a nurse and this is what you will be doing...
and that you will report off to her later.
wishing you and mom, a productive and meaningful hospital stay.
We've all had them, the ones who are there visiting a friend/family member and insists on staying the night, all up in our business about meds and diet and such. Yep, that's gonna be me, in about 4 hours. Mom is having surgery, again. At the same hospital she was at last time.
I followed up, wrote the consumer relations people, the manager, heck, every contact I could find. And I got back exactly... nothing, from anyone. No response at all. I have a hard time feeling like things are gonna be any different this time when the admin folks couldn't even be bothered to answer, what seemed to me, very valid concerns.
So, since I plan on making a fixture of myself while she's there, any tips on what I can/should do to make sure she gets what she needs without completely ******* off the staff?
the best thing you can do is let the staff do their job. of course if you see something that will cause harm you should question it, but other than that just relax. its very offensive to any medical proffesional when a family member is too overbearing or treats the staff like we are going to kill their loved one. i had a lady tell me once "i am watching you" while i cared for her dad, i ignored her like she was a fly on the wall. her attitude did not make me nervous or make me feel incompetent which is what i think she was aiming for. i pretended like she wasn't in the room and provided safe, good care to her dad like i do all patients. she actually apologized later and explained that she was just nervous. i told her no problem, i understand and if you have any questions please ask me or the doctor. some family members are wonderful and heplful and others are not. it just come wit the territory of patient care.
Been there done that. My mom is a kidney patient and she has been my mother and father. It is normal to be on edge about your parents but I had to learn that caring for people is what nurses get paid to do. Nurses have family and I am sure that they will not do your loved one what they don't want done to their love one. It is hard because I can be a mean ol witch but I had to decide who was better qualified me who knows my mommie better that anyone, or the one with the nursing degree??!! Trust me, it gets easier.
sorry kids, but families taking care of their own loved ones, be they nurses or not, would not sit well with me. it's still my butt regardless of what i do or whether it is a result of something you did. giving mom a bath? not on your life! this is the time i get to know your mom, do my assessment and inspect her body, mind and moral. perhaps after a prolonged stay, maybe, but we'd have to talk about it. help me with mom's little requests, fluff her pillow, pull her covers up or down, hand them their IS but don't even think about delivering care. that's my job! there is no need for you to spend the night with mom. she has a nurse for her needs. she'll need you after she gets out of the hospital, so go home, get a good night's sleep so you can be there when she needs you instead of being exhausted from spending endless nights at her bedside, catching a few winks here and there. maybe it's just the ICU in me, but i'll call you in if i or your mom needs you.
I have to respectfully disagree. While I understand the importance of a nurse giving a bath, I have yet to experience the necessary time that it would take to be thorough. I know from start to finish, it took me a good 20-30 minutes to fully bathe my mom. As a nurse, I can't see me EVER having the time to correctly bathe a full load of pts, as much I would love the opportunity.
And at that time, being able to help her in such a manner was a comfort to me. I was trying to deal with a well parent who suddenly became sick and was newly diagnosed with basically a terminal illness in a matter of a week. There is no way I would have left her there in a hospital. Looking back, I'm glad I was there. No, I didn't get the sleep I could have gotten at home, but I DID get some time with my mom, late night talks, and special memories that otherwise I would have missed out on. And when the tube feed beeped in the middle of the night, we didn't have to put up with it for 20 min until a harried nurse had time to get to it. I could mess with it and we could go back to sleep.
And as good as a nurse is, she is only as good as her pt load on that particular day. I shudder to think of how it could been if I had left all of the basic care to the nurses. They were wonderful people and good at their jobs, but they were stretched to the max. They didn't have the time to make sure she did her IS, got up and ambulated, and moved around as she needed to. Constant changes in nurses and things that can get dropped in report can mean an unintentional lack of care. No one noticed that she was post op day 5 and had not had a BM (nor had she had a bowel cleanout prior to surgery.) When I mentioned it, an order for a stool softener was immediately obtained. No one purposely let my mom get constipated, but it happened.
They couldn't immediately meet needs, and that can result in some loss of comfort. Being able to pee right when you want to is something basic you can lose when in a hospital! On one occurance (when family wasn't present), she felt sick and called out for a basin. She ended up throwing up on herself because someone couldn't get there in time.
I would like to say that my mom had a very big operation, and had no complications. No secondary infections to the 1.5 foot incision cutting her stomach in half or to the three drains in place, no UTI's from poor cath care, no pneumonia. Nothing. The worst thing that happened was that she retained some water and had decreased UO for a day or two. This was because her nurses did their job, and I did mine. It was a good team effort and it had excellent results. They took care of the big things and I remembered she hadn't pooped!
Maybe I feel this way because of my peds background, but with peds care (esp for chronically ill children) we encourage the parent's involvement as much as possible. In fact, you will find a lot of complaints from peds nurses about parents who won't feed or bathe their child while in the hospital. I don't understand why we can't encourage adults to do the same for their over 21 loved ones.
I absolutely understand that there exist situations in which the family has no business getting the pt out of bed, etc, but this is a case by case scenario and individual. In the case with my mom, it was very safe for me or my family to aid in her care.
sorry kids, but families taking care of their own loved ones, be they nurses or not, would not sit well with me. it's still my butt regardless of what i do or whether it is a result of something you did. giving mom a bath? not on your life! this is the time i get to know your mom, do my assessment and inspect her body, mind and moral. perhaps after a prolonged stay, maybe, but we'd have to talk about it. help me with mom's little requests, fluff her pillow, pull her covers up or down, hand them their IS but don't even think about delivering care. that's my job! there is no need for you to spend the night with mom. she has a nurse for her needs. she'll need you after she gets out of the hospital, so go home, get a good night's sleep so you can be there when she needs you instead of being exhausted from spending endless nights at her bedside, catching a few winks here and there. maybe it's just the ICU in me, but i'll call you in if i or your mom needs you.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!! I don't even work in a hospital, and I second this!!! There is nothing worse than someone hovering and being in the way when a person is trying to do their JOB! When my dad was in the hospital recovering from knee surgery, I visited, but got out of the way when the staff needed to do something. I knew he was in good hands, and he knew it, too.
barefootlady, ADN, RN
2,174 Posts
There is a thin line between being a concerned family member and being offensive to staff. Sometimes you got to do what you gotta do for the loved one. I always try to be helpful, respectful, and kind to the staff, but a time or two, I have had to draw a line and tell them what to do. Sounds terrible, but in truth, it saved time, trouble, and tempers from getting out of hand. Later a couple of staff and even the HN came in and said, "thanks for the help, we were lost". No big deal, just wanted loved one to get the best care possible. Do what is right, that is best for everyone involved in a stressful situation .