I'm about the be *that* nurse

[nursejohio, ASN, RN]

We've all had them, the ones who are there visiting a friend/family member and insists on staying the night, all up in our business about meds and diet and such. Yep, that's gonna be me, in about 4 hours. Mom is having surgery, again. At the same hospital she was at last time.

This is what happened then...

https://allnurses.com/forums/f8/mom-s-hospital-s-little-long-148609.html

I followed up, wrote the consumer relations people, the manager, heck, every contact I could find. And I got back exactly... nothing, from anyone. No response at all. I have a hard time feeling like things are gonna be any different this time when the admin folks couldn't even be bothered to answer, what seemed to me, very valid concerns.

So, since I plan on making a fixture of myself while she's there, any tips on what I can/should do to make sure she gets what she needs without completely ******* off the staff?

[RN1982]

I know your experience with your mom wasn't great but don't be that nurse. Do advocate for your mother's care. I think when you start acting like "that nurse" it makes the nursing staff uncomfortable and the situation tense. I'm assuming that she will want you there for support and when she has questions. I wouldn't even mention to the staff that you're a nurse. But if you see that something does not seem right, by all means question the doctor or nurse but don't come right out of the stall and be "that nurse".

When my grandfather was sent to rehab after having a CABG and long hospital stay, he became septic, his bp was low,febrile, he was delirious, and the site where he had his vein harvested was red/inflamed. When the tech brushed it off, I became that nurse and my grandfather ended up back in the hospital and had to have his chest reopened because he developed osteomyelitis. That was the only time, I've been that nurse.

[calliesue]

When my mom is in hospital I stay with and her do everything I can do for her like get water take to br (if that is ok) . I am nice and I make sure the staff knows I am a nurse cause I think they are more careful. I "ask what is that" about every med they give her and if tech gets abnormal results like pretty high bp and the nurse doesn't come in about 30 minutes I go find the nurse and ask really nicely about it. I try to be helpful and make sure she is cared for appropriately at the same time.

I have to say though that even with people knowing I am a nurse they still do not wash their hands like they should.

Wonder why nurses don't wash their hands?

[JRD2002]

I would say to pick your battles. Don't be on the staff about every little thing...however do make sure that your mother receives adequate care. If major issues arise that need staff attention I would ask a question or make a statement that would initiate an action by the staff. For example, "My mom's Foley sure does look full" this would call attention to the full Foley and the staff won't think your pushy and telling them to empty it. I would not even tell them that you are a nurse. Just act like a plain old family member.

[scribblerpnp]

I stayed with my mom in the hospital and was able to make sure she got what she needed without ***** the staff easily. My mom was in the hospital for three weeks. Actually, they kept telling us what a nice family we were. Here were some of my "rules":

1. I let them know that I was a nurse, and let them tell me what they were comfortable allowing me to do. Such as VS, emptying a foley, bathing, etc, getting my own linens from the cabinet. I didn't do it in a mean way, I just basically said, "I know this is a hard floor to work on, and if I'm here and can do some things to make your life easier, I'm happy to do it." I also work at that hospital via teaching nursing students (though I didn't know anyone on that floor- large facility) so that may have helped me out a bit. I changed her TF bag, linens, bathed her. I would write down the times and measurements of whatever I did and give it to the nurse near the end of shift so she could chart it. Just about anything short of giving her her meds.

2. I kept saying to all of the nurses, "You are all so nice and so helpful here!" Even if they weren't top notch (I did have my favorites and some not-so favorites), you attract more bees with honey than with vinegar. I feel that if you let people know they are helping you, the ones who are are happy, and the ones who aren't doing that hot, may try to do better.

3. When people from church delivered a LARGE crate of snack foods for our family, we divided it up and split it between the day and night shift nurses along with thank you notes.

4. I tried to not call out with the button. If at all possible, I would just ask when they were in the room ahead of time for when I would need action. If I knew Mom's pain med or sleep PRN med would be needed in an hour, I would say, "An hour from now, do you care to bring in her PRN XXXX?" That way the nurse would have time to work it into her schedule. I used the call button only for emergencies such as unexpected breakthrough pain. Usually they were quick to respond.

5. My sister and dad would stay with my mom as well. When that happened, I would make sure mom was "tucked in for the evening or night." I would give Dad a reminder to ask for some PRN sleep meds at 8 for 9PM so she could sleep. I made sure he had everything he might need in the room for the night for himself and mom, so he wouldn't have to ask for anything.

6. I got her up out of bed to the chair and walking after her surgery with some help from my family. I made sure she did her IS. I asked the nurses if it was OK, and then I took care of it.

7. I always asked the nurses if it was OK to do such and such for the first time (see above). I didn't act smarter than them,- which I wasn't. I would always say," I'm a peds nurse, this adult thing is totally new to me, is it OK to ________?"

8. I NEVER raised my voice or spoke angrily or meanly. NEVER. You don't help anyone by doing that. My goal was for them to trust me so I could help my mom and for them to find her room to be an enjoyable place, so they would WANT to come in. And really, a lot of the nurses came to "visit" during their shift and chit chat, because mom's room WAS enjoyable!

9. I made sure we didn't take up much of their time. If they were in our room for over 10 minutes, I would say, "I'm sure you are very busy, is there something I can do so you can not get behind." If they were busy, they looked relieved and if they weren't busy, they appreciated the thoughtfulness.

10. Once my mom was D/C'd I wrote a card of thanks to each individual nurse and aide who took care of her telling her how wonderful they were and how pleasant they made her hosp. I wrote a letter to the nurse manager as well stating basically the same thing and giving examples of specific nurses/aides who were particularly outstanding.

11. Two weeks after D/C I revisited the unit (after one of my clincials) to again thank them and let them know how she was doing.

My mom is a wonderful woman and is not a demanding person or a whiner. She is really an ideal pt, and I'm sure this was helpful too. She worked at getting better, did what she was supposed to and had a positive outlook. That was probably the most helpful thing of all!

I'm sorry the post was so long. I hope you find it helpful!

Oh! Also if a tech got VS and they were abnormal, I would say "WOW, her BP is up pretty high. That sure isn't normal for her!" It was a nice "hint" that they should get the nurse. Same with nurses, "Wow, she has only had 100 ml out in the past 8 hours." It brought up the problem, but didn't make the nurse or aide look like she was overlooking something, and it politely made them aware that I knew something wasn't right and needed to be addressed.

[RN1982]

I don't think you are gonna get treated any better if you tell the staff you are a nurse. I think it just makes the situation tense and weird. I definately wouldn't be asking "what is that" to every med since I already know most of the commonly prescribed meds for adults.I really like Scribbler's response. She did everything to help the nurse and wasn't condescending and demanding to the nursing staff.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

I loved your answer, Scribb. That really describes the perfect family to me.

[Quickbeam, BSN, RN]

My husband had catastrophic respiratory problems years ago. He also has Asperger's Syndrome which makes his relationship to the world a little different. I learned a lot about being the sidekick in the hospital. scribberpnp has a lot of great advice.

When my husband was in the hospital for a couple weeks, I ended up staying over and slept at the bedside most nights. I did all of his hygiene and assisted as much as I could when useful. I also was his advocate for environmental things that would seem strange to anyone not familiar with autism. He hates TV and noise. It seemed that every person ....nurse, RT, housekeeping.... who came into the room turned the TV on (he had a single). I posted "No TV at patient request" signs.

I always kept in mind that I wanted every action to help my husband and not impede the working staff at the facility. I always asked before I did anything. I tried to be useful to the assigned nurse. I offered the unit an inservice on Asperger's and followed through after my husband got better and was discharged.

Also: I took care of myself. I didn't ask floor staff to feed me or see to my personal needs. I felt that was my job.

[scribblerpnp]

Thanks! I was really dreading my mom being on that floor. I teach at that hospital and know that floor to be short staffed and very busy. I was worried about how her stay was going to go from the start.

But I was pleasantly suprised! For a hospital stay, I would rate it as an A. I can only remember one nurse who I would consider not so hot. She was slow to respond to requests and not very thorough, but by the end of the stay, we had won her over! The other were wonderful!

I really enjoyed meeting them and learning them. By the end of the stay I knew how each of her nurses worked, and adjusted to that (meaning what they were OK with me doing and what they weren't ok with). I remained VERY laidback.

I kept telling them, "I've been on your side, and I SO don't want to be the annoying family that you dread. I just want to help and I want our family to be one you look forward to coming into work and caring for." And it was nice to talk shop and trade terror nursing stories (when they had the time). I made sure my mom stayed in a good mood and that we were always pleasant when a nurse came in. It really worked.

I kept saying over and over, "For as bad as this situation is, you have made it as pleasant and go as smoothly as possible." And I really meant it.

[scribblerpnp]

Also: I took care of myself. I didn't ask floor staff to feed me or see to my personal needs. I felt that was my job.

OHHH That is SO true!

To the OP. Your answers are easy. If you were working on a busy floor, how would you want a family to act (keeping in mind you have 10 patients to care for in a limited amount of time, most who are at least as sick if not more so than your mom.)?

Stick to the do unto others rule and you will be fine.

If the rest of you haven't figured out yet, family behavior is something I'm pretty passionate about!

Also, you WILL become frustrated at many things during your stay. Keep in mind that not all of these are the nurse's fault, and make sure to never show or take out your frustrations on the nurses or staff. For the most part, the nurses would love for everything to go smoothly for your mom, but some of it is simply out of their control. They are not there to torture your. They just want to get through their day too.

You need to remind your family of this as well. If you are being the perfect family member, it won't help all that much if the rest of the family is being a pain. I worked really hard to educate my dad and sister and to keep them in a good mood too!

[KarynicaRN]

you know, sometimes it might be for the better if you were "that nurse".

My father had a total hip replacement. He was acting odd. I called in the charge nurse and asked her about his odd behavior, and did it have anything to do with the morphine. She told me not to worry, he was in good hands, go home, they would watch out for him. What happened? He got out of bed during the night, crawled out the door into the hallway, threw a clot, which went to his lung and was a total mess. After I warned them he was acting odd, but would they take MY advice??? I was "just" an LPN then, what did I know?!

It's best to stay as close as possible and watch every single move, coming and going, and let them know you are a NURSE! I wouldn't over-do it because most places have excellent nurses, but just being there really does help.

I wish you and your mother the best of luck.

[RNAnnjeh, MSN, CNS]

You've received some good advice here. My thoughts...

If this is a complex or lengthy stay, you might want to find out if your mom will have a CNS or case manager or primary nurses. Sometimes it's easier to share your concerns with one person instead of trying to "hit" each person.

I totally agree with scribb's advice...I was thinking the same thing. I'm also a peds nurse (used to work in adults). My dad had a hip replacement a few years ago and he told every RN/LPN that walked into his room that I was a nurse. Needless to say, they were tense by the time I arrived (post-op day 5).

I took one look at his blood-stained sheets (nope, not changed since the OR day) and thought....I could become "that daughter/nurse" or I could just change them myself and not make a big deal of it. So I chose door #2 and asked the nurse if she minded if I changed dad's bed. Of course she agreed and all was good.

Moral of the story: seems to be better to take the high road and just try to be helpful. If you go in like a bear with a sore paw, you're setting yourself up for a rotten stay.

Share your concerns calmly, perhaps privately. Best of luck.