I'm a new CNA at a nursing home. Theres a nurse who always gives me dirty looks. Anyways, after I was done with my shift, I went to the nursing station to give my manager's keys she lended me back because I left mine at home. The girl was sitting there with 2 other nurses, I said something like "So Anna gave me her keys because I forgot mine, so here they are back" And the girl out loud to the other two so I can hear in on the conversation says "She likes the word "so" a lot", (Making fun of me because I used "so" a lot in that sentence) And she and the other two started giggling. I was shocked and didn't know how to react, one of the other two in an attitude way asked if I was going to work tomorrow, I said no, gave the keys back and left. My thing is now that I know she's going to say passive aggressive *** like this how should I handle it next time? I should have called her out, but the thing is I'm good at aggressively cussing people out and stuff LOL, but I don't know how to handle low key situations like this....especially since it was against a group
I totally agree, all these people that were saying don't do anything just ignore it I mean,,,,, it's like they're children, if you just ignore a child being rude to you and talking back, do you think they're ganna say "oh this person is so mature for ignoring me maybe I should stop!" no they're ganna most likely keep pushing it
Pick and choose your battles. Some things you should overlook but sometimes you can't for safety reasons. I have seen nurses get physically attacked by others nurses so be watchful as to if the situation has escalated to a very unsafe point.
Specializes in Quality Control,Long Term Care, Psych, UM, CM.
I get where you're coming from. In the past when I was much younger, I've gotten into arguments with others at work because I needed to "win". I can't let (general) you get away with saying smart things to me, I have to let you know I'm not the one. But, it usually backfires. Many times those mean girls/boys are manager butt kissers and will try to make you look like the mean one.
Like others have said, the best thing to do is ignore them. Look at them with a serious expression, say something like "OK? I say so a lot" then let it drop. Or just look at them, shake your head, and walk away. They will look goofy, not you. If you confront them over silly statements, they may lie to management and make you look bad.
Pick your battles. If people at work are straight up bullying you or harassing you in some way, document everything and go up the chain of command. Ignore them unless you have to speak to them for work. Don't enter their conversations, if they say anything stupid to you, just look at them and walk away. That gets under people's skin more than engaging with them. Let them give you dirty looks, let them giggle about you. Just don't let them bully you or say really rude things. If you need them to assist you with a work related duty, ignore anything that isn't directly related to what you're working on presently. Don't share anything about yourself with them.
No matter where you go, there will always be immature kids disguised as adults. You can't control others, but you can control your reactions to people. Always be the professional one, even if others aren't. People will notice that you're always mature (and I'm guessing not many people at your job like those mean girls). Think of it like this, you wouldn't argue with a child, right? These people are just children in adult bodies.
I have had one--only one--person in my career so far who kept pushing it. I maintained the MO I am now advising you about.
Want to know how it ended? As soon as the person crossed a basic line which actually should not be crossed for other reasons--not personal--such as potential patient safety reasons (I won't say what it was except to say that there was no physical or emotional harm to anyone, they just made a wrong move in trying to sabotage my work)...
Reported. Proof produced.
Terminated.
In every other instance I have been able to carry on and do excellent work without interference from trouble-makers by following the principles I am telling you. These people just don't get to me; I think they're ridiculous. I ignore them, and that is boring to them.
There's another aspect to what I'm telling you: It's possible that (in my case) this other nurse wouldn't have necessarily been terminated for what s/he did. Maybe suspension, maybe counseling, maybe I don't know what else. But the reputation I had established helped a great deal when I had a real problem. I don't play games with coworkers and I never go to management unless I have something really worth talking about (which is extremely rare). It earns a kind of "clout" (if you will) when you aren't constantly being a hothead and rabble-rousing and talking smack with troublemakers. I'm serious and keep my cool at work. When I went to report this person I said, "This is what they did, here is the proof. This is a liability, a safety issue, and s/he cannot be trusted. I do not want him/her anywhere near me or my patients ever again."
That was it. No one told me to calm down or talk it out or any of that malarkey. It was just over.
But you do what you want. ??♀️ Feeling compelled to react to stupidity is kind of a phase, some people move past it and some don't.
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
On 10/15/2020 at 10:18 PM, cookie123d said:
I see what you mean, but in my experience if you take the high road and don’t say anything, they will just get away with it and bully you even more. If I said oh I guess I did say it twice! I would look weak, and like an easy target, like I totally let her mock me, and that it will be tolerated some more.
This isn't bullying. Bullying is verbal or physical threats. Everything that one doesn't like in the work environment isn't bullying.
This isn't bullying. Bullying is verbal or physical threats. Everything that one doesn't like in the work environment isn't bullying.
I disagree with that statement. It's a passive aggressive mocking/disrespecting of a coworker for no dam reason, sure it may not be as severe as punching me in the face, but this is another low key version of bullying.
Specializes in Hospice, corrections, psychiatry, rehab, LTC.
23 hours ago, cookie123d said:
I disagree with that statement. It's a passive aggressive mocking/disrespecting of a coworker for no dam reason, sure it may not be as severe as punching me in the face, but this is another low key version of bullying.
You don't have to agree. Read the definition.
bully
[ˈbo͝olē]
VERB
bullying (present participle)
seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).
I'm with the "just ignore" them group. One time isn't enough to go to battle over. If this becomes repetitive, to the point of harrassement, then you can get a manager involved. But it needs to be significantly more than a one time mocking of a speech pattern.
Be professional, and just let the BS flow past you as though you never heard it. Can't stick to you unless you reach out and grab it. Tit for tat just makes you look as bad as they do.
First, thank you cookie123d for sharing your experience and opening up such an important topic. Team dynamics and how it can affect individuals, teams, patients, and beyond is something that I wish was given more attention and value too. Having worked on teams where everyone got along and ones where most people just tolerated one another, I was able to not only see the difference, but also feel it.
In this specific scenario, I feel like there are a few questions to consider prior to engaging:
1) Are these nurses, staff that are considered subordinates, equal, or supervisors to you? I believe depending on there position, there are different ways to approach it in a professional manner.
2) How often has this happened to you and have you witnessed any other incidences like this? Depending on your answer, this situation may require immediate action on your part or possibly just further observation to see what exactly is going on with the nurse, the team, etc. if this is happening to others, it may be worth talking to them and working together to figure out a way to professionally resolve this issue.
3) Personal question: How important is this job to you? How much do you really need or like it? If it matters a lot, figuring out what to do will be very important versus not so important because you could just find another job. (From my experience, some workplace cultures can be very difficult to change, and if this is just the culture of the nursing home, it may be better to just go and not put too much of your energy and time into this- I wouldn’t consider this running away from a problem, it would be more, finding better ways to allocate your resources..we don’t live forever).
4) Introspective question: how upsetting is this for you? Do you feel it is proportionate for the situations? If it isn’t, why do you believe it bothers you so much? Your answers to these wouldn’t necessarily help with how you would approach the issue, but it may help with how you process everything and also being able to handle the situation in a professional manner.
Without having the answers to these questions of mine, my general approach would be to continue to observe as long as there are no safety issues involved or to say something short, straight forward, non emotional, and professional (there have been some great examples of this shared already) the next time something happens to see how it is received.
I haven’t read all the responses yet, but I am interested to see how this plays out for you, cookie123d!
take care and again, thank you for being open enough to share your experience!
You can always, with a total lack of emotion in your voice other than amazement, ask something like "Are you mocking my manner of speaking?"
What are they going to say said to that?"Yes!"? Remember you are dealing with very childish people. You don't have to call them on it but you can ask them what they are doing. If they answer yes, you can always follow up with another question like "Why are you doing that?"
Simple questions like that, in the moment, make people squirm a bit without being super confrontational.
Workitinurfava, BSN, RN
1,160 Posts
Pick and choose your battles. Some things you should overlook but sometimes you can't for safety reasons. I have seen nurses get physically attacked by others nurses so be watchful as to if the situation has escalated to a very unsafe point.