I'm a new CNA at a nursing home. Theres a nurse who always gives me dirty looks. Anyways, after I was done with my shift, I went to the nursing station to give my manager's keys she lended me back because I left mine at home. The girl was sitting there with 2 other nurses, I said something like "So Anna gave me her keys because I forgot mine, so here they are back" And the girl out loud to the other two so I can hear in on the conversation says "She likes the word "so" a lot", (Making fun of me because I used "so" a lot in that sentence) And she and the other two started giggling. I was shocked and didn't know how to react, one of the other two in an attitude way asked if I was going to work tomorrow, I said no, gave the keys back and left. My thing is now that I know she's going to say passive aggressive *** like this how should I handle it next time? I should have called her out, but the thing is I'm good at aggressively cussing people out and stuff LOL, but I don't know how to handle low key situations like this....especially since it was against a group
I'm with the "just ignore" them group. One time isn't enough to go to battle over. If this becomes repetitive, to the point of harrassement, then you can get a manager involved. But it needs to be significantly more than a one time mocking of a speech pattern.
Be professional, and just let the BS flow past you as though you never heard it. Can't stick to you unless you reach out and grab it. Tit for tat just makes you look as bad as they do.
The problem with not saying anything at the start is that you train the abuser to continue. It's why "nurses eat their young" is passed on generation after generation. It's wrong. In this case the abused could have said, "your remark about the way I talk and others laughing did not make me feel good. Remarks like that are NOT WELCOME." That is clear language that sets up a case for a hostile work environment if she does it again.
Once can be a misunderstanding, twice suspicious, repeated: it is a real pattern that needs rebuking. One may be too thin OR too thick skinned, balance is key.
WELCOME to nursing! It's unfortunate that women, especially in understaffed & stressful situations can be catty. I much preferred ICU & lots of male nurses to even out the hormones!!
Given your new, it truly sounds like they are just trying to see how you react & by acknowledging their actions bother you, they're just going to continue & become more intense. I'd try to completely ignore anything like this (it sounds like you did) and not let it bother you. It's when it becomes bold-faced lying, dumping on other staff and more severe occurrences that I would worry about addressing it.
Just ignore them & their petty BS, 2nd grade antics & they'll eventually move on, I would think. By ignoring them, you're also growing thicker skin, which is vital to surviving nursing. I am in no way saying it's acceptable, but I'd be afraid to see how you would respond to some truly horrible instances of bullying. It does happen & sometimes management is not motivated to do anything to address it. Let it roll off your shoulders & be the bigger person
The problem with not saying anything at the start is that you train the abuser to continue.
Maybe I should clarify my original responses from months ago.
There is more than one way to ignore something. There's "you're clearly making me so uncomfortable but I'm too afraid to say anything" and then there's, "I know you're about to explode with anticipation of getting a response from me and you're not going to get one." As in, buzz off.
I see you and you're upsetting me
vs.
I see you and I'm not playing your games
29 minutes ago, NurseExorcist said:
Speaking up for yourself immediately shows strength. Ignoring it shows passivity and tolerance of bad behavior.
Except when it doesn't. It all depends on the spirit with which it is handled. Someone who speaks up for themselves immediately may do that in a professional, no-nonsense way that is effective, or they may act like just as much a fool as the person they are speaking up against (aka reacting to) with zero guarantee of effectiveness. Likewise, someone who says nothing may do so from a position of extreme weakness or a position of significant strength. Just like the story I told. I stayed calm and handled the situation carefully. Someone ended up terminated and it wasn't me.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
I have had this discussion before but will try again. According to the Anti Defamation league bullying is : "
"The repeated actions or threats of action directed toward a person by one or more people who have or are perceived to have more power or status than their target in order to cause fear, distress or harm. Bullying can be physical, verbal, psychological or any combination of these three."
What bullying is not : "the term “bullying” is often used as an umbrella to describe all kinds of mean behavior—from a rude comment to a conflict between two people to a one-time physical altercation."
What you discribe would be classified as uncivil behvaior that does not rise to the legal deffinition of bullying.
"It is important to distinguish bullying from other unkind, mean and harmful behavior. Calling someone a name or pushing someone once, being rude or having an argument with someone is not bullying."
It's important to remember the best way to deal with this type of behvaior is to not engage with the person who is being uncivil. You can walk away with dignity without appearing weak. If you show that you are highly offended ther offending party has just won because they got a reaction from you.
Behavior that creates an environment not conducive to work falls into the harassment category. It should immediately be made clear to the person demonstrating the behavior that it is unwelcome.
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
14 hours ago, NurseExorcist said:
Behavior that creates an environment not conducive to work falls into the harassment category. It should immediately be made clear to the person demonstrating the behavior that it is unwelcome.
But it's not harrassment if it is just one incident!
Specializes in Psych, Addictions, SOL (Student of Life).
I agree and I probably would have come up with some snappy comment to shut this up but I would not have engaged with this person infront of peers. That way you eliminate the audiance and attendance this person (Perpetrator clearly craves. I would find a time to speak with this person in private and squash the matter between the two of them.
Depending on the state you live in you might be asked to show proof of the harrassment before a case for bullying can be established.
NurseExorcist, BSN, RN
55 Posts
The problem with not saying anything at the start is that you train the abuser to continue. It's why "nurses eat their young" is passed on generation after generation. It's wrong. In this case the abused could have said, "your remark about the way I talk and others laughing did not make me feel good. Remarks like that are NOT WELCOME." That is clear language that sets up a case for a hostile work environment if she does it again.