I'm a new employee, how do I deal with a passive aggressive coworker?

JKL33 · Oct 16, 2020

21 hours ago, cookie123d said:

My thing is now that I know she's going to say passive aggressive *** like this how should I handle it next time?

You are going to take the high road and communicate like an adult.

21 hours ago, cookie123d said:

I should have called her out

No you shouldn't have.

21 hours ago, cookie123d said:

but the thing is I'm good at aggressively cussing people out and stuff LOL

Pretty much would never be appropriate for the workplace or a lot of other places in life.

21 hours ago, cookie123d said:

I don't know how to handle low key situations like this....especially since it was against a group

You have options. I would've said something like, "yeah, I guess I did say it twice! Anyway, thank you. Have a good night..."

Or just, "[smile] have a good night [walk away]."

Or just say thanks and walk away.

The bottom line is that two people who know nothing about you and have no reason to act this way are acting like insecure toxic mean people. Now why, given how dumb this is, would you want to show them up or be better at being an insecure toxic meanie than they are? Pfff!! Let them be that.

You've got better things to do in life, I'm sure. I hope so anyway.

It's okay. It means nothing. Truly. Trust me.

cookie123d, CNA · Oct 16, 2020

5 minutes ago, JKL33 said:

You are going to take the high road and communicate like an adult.

No you shouldn't have.

Pretty much would never be appropriate for the workplace or a lot of other places in life.

You have options. I would've said something like, "yeah, I guess I did say it twice! Anyway, thank you. Have a good night..."

Or just, "[smile] have a good night [walk away]."

Or just say thanks and walk away.

The bottom line is that two people who know nothing about you and have no reason to act this way are acting like insecure toxic mean people. Now why, given how dumb this is, would you want to show them up or be better at being an insecure toxic meanie than they are? Pfff!! Let them be that.

You've got better things to do in life, I'm sure. I hope so anyway.

It's okay. It means nothing. Truly. Trust me.

I see what you mean, but in my experience if you take the high road and don’t say anything, they will just get away with it and bully you even more. If I said oh I guess I did say it twice! I would look weak, and like an easy target, like I totally let her mock me, and that it will be tolerated some more.

JKL33 · Oct 16, 2020

They won't bully you more. They are fickle people and they will get bored and look for someone who cares. True, they might try a couple more times but trust me when I say they are looking to create any kind of drama--either you fight and they get to fight back or you cry and they get to mock you.

But the secret is that if they don't get their drama it's game over.

But don't be fooled, there's no good way to win when you try to compete with mean. The only ways to "win" are ways that bring you down. It's much better to not try to compete with it.

You can't make others like you, you can't make them respect you and you can't make them be nice people. Truth.

But you can go home at night knowing you're a good person who has done your best for the day, showing kindness to others, taking pride in your work. Those are the kinds of things that matter.

You have the power to make them a non-issue. And you do that by refusing to play their game.

Smart wins. Be smarter. Kind wins, too. So be the kind one.

CrunchRN, ADN, RN · Oct 16, 2020

Say "SO what" and smile.

amoLucia · Oct 16, 2020

2 hours ago, CrunchRN said:

Say "SO what" and smile.

And shrug your shoulders. Makes for good effect!

Just some unasked for advice - don't get mouthy with coworkers. Even though they do deserve it! It could get you in trouble as arguing with staff is freq a fireable offense.

cookie123d, CNA · Oct 16, 2020

22 minutes ago, amoLucia said:

And shrug your shoulders. Makes for good effect!

Just some unasked for advice - don't get mouthy with coworkers. Even though they do deserve it! It could get you in trouble as arguing with staff is freq a fireable offense.

so theres no repercussions for them that they're acting like little school girls giggling at me? jeez I hate this LOL

JKL33 · Oct 16, 2020

3 minutes ago, cookie123d said:

so theres no repercussions for them that they're acting like little school girls giggling at me? jeez I hate this LOL

Vengeance will be your undoing. Your ruin. Besides, you aren't the dispenser of justice in the world. Their repercussions will be living the life that they make for themselves and so far it isn't looking too good for them, now is it?!

Are you an adult??? ? I promise I am not trying to insult you, I'm trying to get you to see things a better way. What the world do you care if school girls (who are supposedly adults) giggle??? Sounds like they have a personal problem.

You are an adult! And you want to act like a child because other people don't know how to act like adults? Nah...don't do that.

Look: People who act the way they are acting do so because they don't feel good about themselves. If they were strong and confident people with a decent amount of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-respect, they would have no need to act this way. What they are doing is making themselves feel better by trying to make someone else "lesser."

I understand it's a bit of a process to understand this, but really try because it is important. Life is waaaaaay too short for this sort of thing.

The best revenge is a life well-lived.

amoLucia · Oct 16, 2020

19 minutes ago, cookie123d said:

so theres no repercussions for them that they're acting like little school girls giggling at me? jeez I hate this LOL

Correct! There's no penalty for being 'mean girls or 'bullies'. They make themselves feel good about themselves. Nobody else needs to help them look like the meanies they are. It would prob PO them more if you ignore their stupidity. Don't give them the chance to get their jollies from your discomfort.

Be the professional you are. Image is everything. So you don't want to slide down to their low level!

And PP JKL33 gives good advice, as per usual.

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · Oct 18, 2020

It does sound like a snippy little group. As you are new, they are testing you.

Remain neutral with your tone of voice and your body language. This can be hard to do, practice in front of a mirror. If snippy little group gets NO reaction from you.. they will leave you alone.

Workitinurfava, BSN, RN · Oct 20, 2020

Don't let them go too far. I have seen people ignore things to the point that they are physically attacked. Not all people are the same. Some people never back down until they see you are not the one to be messed with. You have to have a limit. I remember this lady that I worked with. While I was pulling my meds from the pyxis she demanded that I stop what I was doing so she could waste a pill. I told her no because I had a ton of pills I was in the middle of pulling. She kept complaining. After that day, there was never a problem and we got along fine.

cookie123d, CNA · Oct 20, 2020

1 minute ago, Workitinurfava said:

Don't let them go too far. I have seen people ignore things to the point that they are physically attacked. Not all people are the same. Some people never back down until they see you are not the one to be messed with. You have to have a limit.

I totally agree, all these people that were saying don't do anything just ignore it I mean,,,,, it's like they're children, if you just ignore a child being rude to you and talking back, do you think they're ganna say "oh this person is so mature for ignoring me maybe I should stop!" no they're ganna most likely keep pushing it