I'm such a horrible wife!!!

Purple_Scrubs, BSN, RN · Apr 8, 2009

When I was in nursing school I forgot my husband's birthday. He had to remind me and I felt like dirt. :crying2: This too shall pass, hang in there.

LovebugLPN · Apr 8, 2009

No you aren't a bad wife and he isn't a bad husband. You are both under so much stress. You are in school and working which is so very stressful and he probably wanted to reconnect with you. You want the same thing and wanted to be sure it was at a time that would be ideal. Give him time to cool down. He will hopefully remember how stressful school was and understand your point of view. Encourage him to take this vacation in May because you both really need it. Happy 10th Anniversary (early)!

Lilyanni · Apr 8, 2009

Happy anniversary! You are not a bad wife at all. All you needed was the right time and that is in your situation the right thing to do. He is also not a bad husband, he is actually trying to make you happy and make your anniversary memorable. This will pass and you will have many memorable anniversaries’ with him. So try not to worry about it.

MermiesGreatGig · Apr 9, 2009

No, you're not a bad wife. However, you "typically" only have a 10th anniversary once. It is extremely special and a cause for immense joy and celebration. Do not allow the pressures of school to detract from your most important relationship. Who knows...maybe a little time away would actually help your performance during your crazy schedule next week. Nothing like decompressing every once in a while! Happy Anniversary! Been married 16 years, and my hubby is the absolute best.

Natingale, EdD, RN · Apr 9, 2009

Please please please dont blame yourself!

You are doing this to benefit your (and his) future, he may be more disappointed than upset. Its so funny because my 7 year anniversary with my fiance is on the 11th, but I planned nursing school around it lol. Luckily I dont have a care plan but I have 4 papers due on Monday, so I spent the whole beginning of this week doing it so Im free for the weekend.

I know the pressure, and stress is overwhelming. Talk to him. My relationship almost fell apart last semester, fiance slept in his car for 2 days! Its the ups and downs of life that will make your bond stronger. Try and get everything done between today and tomorrow, and plan something special for him on Saturday. A special surprise ;]

Even if its going to occupy like 5 hours out of your day, you still have before and after to study for your exam. Whats your exam on? Maybe we can help you study. Good luck, and again youre not a terrible wife.

missjennmb · Apr 9, 2009

Maybe this is a communication issue? If my husband planned a getaway, I would be thrilled, but he also would never plan it for a bad time for me, because I keep him really up to date on what I'm doing and what are my good days/bad days.

Nursing school is tough and stressful and we all feel like we don't have time to spend with our families, but as another person said, your 10th only comes once and it was obviously very special to him. To patch this up, maybe you could talk to him about the two of you planning a special evening together where he gets ALL of your attention and its romantic and allows you to reconnect (that gives you the rest of the weekend to study).

In the future, maybe just try to keep him in the loop a bit about good days/bad days? I always tell my husband when I am available (i.e. we dont have a test next week so if you wanna do something this weekend we can, we have crazy amounts of tests and projects due for 3 weeks following spring break so I'm going to be a stressed out overworked mess just apologizing in advance *in a light tone*)

We have not made it to our 10th, but we had our 5th in Feb and have been together about 7 years and we are as in love as ever, and I really think that our ability to communicate and be "best friends" is the biggest reason for that.

All of this aside, nursing school is CRAZY stressful, esp if you work on top of it/have kids/etc, and he's just going to have to cut you some slack. I forgot to pay some bills last December when we had finals and had our water shut off, and my hubby was annoyed, but he got over it, and we found a better way to deal with that stuff (he is handling most of it until school is over).

Atleast you know he loves you if he is that upset about it. He wouldn't be if he didnt care. :) silver lining on every cloud and all that :)

tfleuter, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2009

Try not to beat yourself up. Do try to see if there is someway to show that your anniversary is important and that you want to celebrate it as well. We just had our 5th anniversary this past January and guess how we spent it? I stayed home to study and hubby had a free lift pass to go snowboarding with a friend. Not what I would have imagined 5 years ago, but that's ok. We knew beforehand that we most likely wouldn't be able to do anything that particular weekend. I was too busy and money was tight. We decided to celebrate a couple of weeks later when we knew we could get a babysitter, I wasn't so busy and had some money stashed away so we could have a really enjoyable night out.

Like others have said, just keep your husband up to date on what's going on with your schedule. Make a point of telling him when you will have a free night and that you want to use it spending time with him!

amd75 · Apr 10, 2009

Thanks so much everyone for lending an ear!!!!! Your advice makes me feel Im not alone with all this stress of school/marraige/kids and work. We talked and decided to go out to dinner Saturday probably to his favorite sushi place and play a round of golf on Sunday morning. And my mother in law is being nice enough to take the kiddies overnight so we will have some time alone :redbeathe :blushkiss :redbeathe. And this leaves me time to study (not as much as i should...but its a compromise.. right?) I promised we will go on a nice cruise after I graduate. THANKS again everyone

That Guy, BSN, RN, EMT-B · Apr 10, 2009

Wait, your husband is mad that you want to postpone the anniversary? Wow you trained him well. I can barely remember my birthday let alone an anniversary. You are a lucky woman to have someone who cares like that.

RN BSN 2009 · Apr 10, 2009

only do the necessary homework!

Nicole2010 · Apr 11, 2009

No, you're not a bad wife at all. Ive done the same to my husband. Our anniversary fell right at the end of semester testing. I asked him if we could celebrate it once finals were done. I kind of put like," we could go out on our anniversary, but my mind will be elsewhere I I'll be stressed or we can wait a week and I wont be nuts." He was fine waiting a week. I also remind him I only have 1 year left and that we can go back to normal, plus his job in the police dept doesnt care about our special dates. Ive given up plenty of holidays for his job.

Marriage is all about sacrifices.