I'm afraid nursing might not be for me

[tamale29, MSN, RN, NP]

Ever since I was in 5th grade I've wanted to be a nurse. In Jr. High we had to present on our heros and I went as Clara Barton. It's what I've wanted to do my whole life. Now that I am finally a nurse I am afraid it might not be for me.

I graduated in Decembber and got a job in a nurse residency program in the ICU. I worked 3 12 hour day shifts and had two patients and I could not have been happier. I loved my job. Then once the residency was over, I got switched to nights and and more days than not we have 3 ICU patients. I don't have time to care for any of them properly. I have had patients extubate themselves (yes, while restrained), pull out lines, leave AMA, have to sit in there own waste until I have time to clean it, get meds late, and not get the proper care in general. I feel hopeless when it comes to getting to learn stuff because I don't have time to look anything up or ask questions. It is really disheartining.

On top of that I can't adjust to nights. I don't sleep well during the day and it has caused me to start having severe panic attacks, both at home and at work.

Does any of this ever change? I feel like maybe I shouldn't be a nurse and that all I do is harm people more than I am helping them. I just wanted to help people but instead all I do is get yelled at by my patients all night (not to mentioned duped {ie. sneaking ice chips when NPO, getting up to bathroom while on bedrest, etc}). HELP!

PS: I never wanted a job in ICU (it was the only spot left in the residency) I really want to do something with babies, OB or NICU, but it seems like it is an impossible field to get into. Any advice there also welcome.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

PS: I never wanted a job in ICU (it was the only spot left in the residency)

I know I'd be miserable in the ICU if I didn't really want to be in the unit in the first place. The patients are too sick for my comfort zone, the overall acuity level is sky high and the families are in crisis.

You say you want L&D, NICU, postpartum, or anything dealing with babies. Is there any way you could relocate to a more rural part of your state that perhaps hires nurses into the 'desirable' specialties you are looking to break into?

[tamale29, MSN, RN, NP]

I already moved from Chicago to a rural area for the job. I'll have to keep looking I guess. I may be moving to Seattle.

I guess I'm just curious if its a new grad thing or if ICU is just too much.

[morte, LPN, LVN]

Some of both....from what I have read here on all nurses, 3 pat. in ICU is 1 too many; add to that the new grad thing & the wanting to be somewhere else=big issues. THEN add into that the sleep issue! oy! Well the only one you can address right now is the sleep issue, dark, quiet, phone off,etc. good luck!

I already moved from Chicago to a rural area for the job. I'll have to keep looking I guess. I may be moving to Seattle.

I guess I'm just curious if its a new grad thing or if ICU is just too much.

[lovemyjoblandd]

My suggestion would be to email the nurse manager of your women's health center at your hospital and let him or her know that you are interested in the specialty and would like to get a feel for it. You may have to come in on a day or night off, but honestly this specialty is not all rainbows and sunshine. It is VERY stressful and is a hard specialty to learn. You may want to get a little experience in it to make sure it is something you really want to do before you make any drastic changes in your life to pursue it. It could save you from moving and realizing you hate women's health more than the ICU.

[Morainey, BSN, RN]

It sounds like your job might not be a good fit (understatement). Have you approached your manager with your concerns?

[ktliz]

Do the nurses on days take 3 patients also? If not, how long until you can move to days? Is this a temporary thing until they hire more people, or is it the norm in your unit?

I am a new grad on nights also. I have a hard time on my days off due to having no regular sleep schedule. But, I never have more than 2 patients and I love going to work. You even said you enjoyed your orientation. If there is a chance of getting back to those working conditions (day shift, 2 patients) then I would stick it out. If you've been at your job for more than a year with no end in sight, start looking elsewhere!

[hope3456, ASN, RN]

That is what I was wondering- why does she have 3 patients when the day shift only takes 2? Sounds like she is getting dumped on. i worked on a M/S unit where the day shift was staffed well - along with ward clerks, CNAs, RT but then night shift was "bare bones" staffing. 6 patients with no help (or more). Mgmt just thought night shift did nothing apparently. And then the day shift nurses would complain about everything night shift didn't do - like clean the break room.

If this is going to be the norm start looking for another job.

[tamale29, MSN, RN, NP]

I just wrote a long well thought out comment and it didnt post, now i'm all irritatted

Thank you all for the responses. The short and sweet of what I wrote was when things go wrong I panic (vtach, pressures drop, cardiac arrest, stroke) and I don't know if my panic is a sign of not being able to hack nursing or if its a sign of a new grad or if its just how life is in the ICU

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

It's perfectly normal to be afraid of things you are not confident about - whether it's a nursing procedure or or wearing platform 4" heels (that would terrify me). The only solution to these issues is practice. The more often you do them successfully, the more confident you will become.

OTOH, having 3 patients in an ICU environment is not so unusual these days, especially if the patients are not all 'high acuity/ unstable'. Some patients are kept in an ICU because they just need to be watched more closely, or maybe they're waiting on a bed before transfer. One of the problems with this is that the typical ICU nurse (including me) feels the need to continue to treat these low-acuity patients according to the same protocols.... q1h vitals, I&o, etc.... even when it's not necessary. Don't feel bad about slowing down and applying MedSurg treatment protocols if they are applicable. It's better for everyone.

[JenRN30, BSN]

It's perfectly normal to be afraid of things you are confident about.

This is very accurate. I think your problem is a mixture of both being a new grad, and the acuity level. I have gone through the same feelings that you are and almost gave up altogether. Your feelings are normal, and you'd have many of the same feelings no matter where you were working. The feelings of anxiety will pass once you start feeling more comfortable.

When you have a situation come up (code, procedure, etc.) that you haven't dealt with before, you need to rely on coworkers to show you how to handle it correctly. Hopefully you have strong coworkers/charge nurses that assist you when they see that you're in over your head. If they're not recognizing that you're having a hard time, you need to speak up. If they still aren't willing or able to help, then you need to get out of there. New ICU nurses need to be able to rely heavily on their experienced coworkers.

Once you've seen how situations should be handled, you'll know what to do the next time you see it happening.

Looking from the outside in, I think you should try to stick it out for a year, or until you can get an ICU or NICU job in your hometown (if you want to move back). Try to get into a large facility, because there should be more opportunity to transfer between units.

Hang in there. It WILL get better :)

[tamale29, MSN, RN, NP]

I just wanted to give in a little update. It did get so much better! Looking back its just lack of expierence. ANd the only way to do that is to keep at it until you are comfortable.