I'm an OB nurse. I deliver babies for a living. I have never personally given birth or ever been pregnant. So here's my question....in all honesty, what does labor really and truly FEEL like....other than painful?
I mean, is it crushing, stabbing, ripping, aching, WHAT? I can't exactly ask my labor patients these kinds of questions...so I want to hear from you.
Because I'm approaching 30, and although I want children very much, to be quite frank, labor scares the bejesus out of me...all of my friends, with the exception of ONE, had totally drug-free childbirth. I just want the lowdown....what does labor FEEL like???
First child, wanted to have the perfect, natural experience, but baby was big, and was breech. Midwife said well, you can try it Linda, but if you get the baby halfway out, and the head won't come out, we can't shove the baby back in. I opted for the C-section. THAT was the miserable experience. So much pain, and since I nursed, they wouldn't give me anything stronger than Tylenol. Next child, I opted for V-Bac, and I will NEVER EVER understand WHY any woman would WANT a second C-section if there were any choice about it.
Second child V-Bac. NO Drugs whatsoever. IN and out of false labor for 2 days, backaches and mild cramping. I was dilated 4cm and going no where, so they broke membranes, and not much happened, then they used the pitocin. Now I may be the only kook on the planet that actually liked the pitocin. I had such wimpy weak contractions before that, with the pit, I finally felt like I was making progress!! Very hard strong cramps, lasted a short time each contraction, I was able to breath thru it, and refused pain meds. When her head was delivered, there was a minute where I thought I may not live thru the pain, but it was very brief. My husband said Linda, look you can see the head, but I could not look b/c to see AND feel the pain was too much for me. I closed my eyes, another push, and she was out, then I was talking a mile a minute, feeling high as a kite on endorphins, and my neighbor was my roomate later, we stayed up talking until 4am about our experiences. I got right up after she was born waled to the BR and peed, felt great, SOOOOOOO much better than the C-section.
I can honestly say, you DO forget the pain, it is temporary. You will be OK. If you and the baby are OK, that is all you need to know.
Okay, my $0.02 worth, please excuse any omission of med terms, another crazy day at work, house is a mess, and Martha-you-know-who isn't available at the moment, but I had to visit site.
First baby, water broke, had pit, no pain meds, no childbirth classes, I remember pulling on the side rails when the contractions hit, had him 7 lbs. 4.5 oz, 20 hrs later and forgot about all the pain it took to get him here except for the epis, I remember that pain very well.
Second baby, 4 hrs labor, first contraction hit, called doc, we lived about 20 minutes from town at that time, dropped first baby (6yrs at the time) off at mom's during which water broke, and then it seemed like I had no sooner got to the hosp when I told them "he's coming NOW!!!" and he did at 8 lbs. 13.5 oz
Third baby, placenta previa, started bleeding (at the time thought it was a lot, would now describe as sat pads x2), spent 8 weeks in hospital, then ended up having emergency C-Sect, they put me in OR and tried to break amniotic sac so I could have her natural, didn't work, used general anesthesia, she arrived very healthy at 8 lbs. 4 oz.
After the first two I was up OOB right after they took me back to my room. With the C-Sect I thought she was crazy for wanting me to move much less get out of bed, on the bright side no epis.
Same mom 3 entirely different labors.
Contractions to me felt like an ocean wave just like the wave on the monitor strip (only in no shape or form as relaxing as the ocean until that monitor line heads south). The wave begins to form - start feeling the pain, wave grows - pain worsens (kind of a clutching pain, wave reaches peak - pain at it's worst, wave rolls onto the beach- pain ebbs. Then of course as labor progresses you have Hurricane Force waves......LOL
A friend of mine had her first baby in 45 min from water breaking to mad dash across city to hospital, never felt one single contraction.
I would have loved to have an epidural but the thought of having a needle in my back gives me a "near syncopal episode". To this day if I have to assist with a tap in er I do my breathing exercises coz I get weak in the knees everytime.
To deal with pain I concentrated on slow breathing techniques, you know the one - okay, good deep breath, in through the nose and slowly out your mouth like your blowing at a candle flame but not actually putting out the fire, very good, okay, lets do it again --no thats alright you can keep squeezing my hand --it quit having any feeling in it sometime ago. Seriously though this worked for me.
Of course, as you know, everyone is different with pain tol and each experience is unique to that individual and her babe but I'm sure you will be able to handle it in your own way. As far as where, then if it had been available in my area I would have considered having my babies at home, now, knowing what I do I would be at a hospital....my personal opinion only.
As someone said, everyone's experience is different.
My oldest child is 18. I had him when I was 20. I had nausea and vomiting to begin with, thought I had the flu. After a bit of time I was able to go to sleep. I woke up on and off through the night thinking I would feel alot better if I could just get rid of the gas I had. At 6:30a I rolled over in bed and my water broke. Realized the "gas" I had been feeling was mild contractions. He was born at 10:10a. I had about 20 minutes of hard labor. All in all it was not a bad experience at all. Painful at times yes, but once you hold the baby it doesn't matter. I recall a couple things very clearly, one grabbing my legs and having the nurse put them back into stirrups. I distinctly recall telling her if she touched my legs one more time I would kick her across the room. The other was wondering why anyone would need to tell a laboring woman to push, the feeling to do so just comes over you and is overwhelming.
Second child three and a half years later. Had false labor on and off for about two weeks, so I didn't pay much attention to it the night she was born until it became strong enough to wake me up. Knew it was the real thing when I had nausea and vomiting like the first time. From that point on it was just short of two hours. Again it was easy labor. First child was in a military Air Force Hospital. They did not do preps, they asked if a shower would make me comfortable, let drink when I wanted to, pretty much whatever made me comfortable. This child was in a civilian hospital where the nurse was almost personally affronted when I refused a prep. Thought I was out of my mind when I wanted a shower. In any case neither one was difficult labor.
Third child. 9 years after the second. Still figured it wouldn't be much, after all the first two were easy. I was wrong this time around though. Mostly back labor, many hours, water wouldn't break. Doc had to do it, and bless his heart he was fairly new out of school and had all the wet behind the ears, still almost a resident aura about him. He was apologizing he had to break the water, I'm telling him to do it and be done with it. Baby then slips right onto the cervix and dilation stops. 30 minutes later with contractions every 60 to 90 seconds all in my back, he comes back in to tell me he has to slip the cervix around the baby's head and it may be a bit uncomfortable. I remember vividly saying "I f---ing doubt it, JUST GET IT DONE". Poor guy his face turned red, he did what needed to be done and three pushes later I had a beautiful little boy. And while I am crying and holding this most wonderous of creatures the doc is apologizing to me for hurting me. Silly man, he didn't understand that I was crying not from hurt, but from the deepest love a human can feel for another. I cried like that with each of my children's births.
Labor is not a contest in which you can fail. Recall you learned that everyone has different pain levels. Labor is painful, sometimes more for some, sometimes it is different with each child. I would have put money on an easy labor and birth with my youngest. Some women do well without drugs, some don't. I actually felt that I would feel more out of control with drugs than without drugs because pain meds affect me easily. You have to do what is right for you, and that is the only important thing. Once you have that child in your arms whatever pain you had will pale in comparison with the overwhelming love you will feel. You feel incredibly protective of this creature that is so small and unable to provide for itself, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you could kill for this child. The pain of labor has no comparison with those feelings. At least that was the way I felt. I took lamaze classes with my oldest, didn't feel the need to take it again. I believe it helped quite a bit.
I had my first with out anything. It was hell for the last 6 hours, starting with that DAMN enema. I remember begging God to take me--I was ready to die rather than have another contraction. That was in Connecticut. We moved back to Massachusetts and they were giving people scopalamine. Now I wasn't a nurse at this point so I had no idea what it was. The Doctor said it wouldn't harm the baby and I would feel no pain. I had 2 this way and thought it was great. Then I went into nursing and saw what scope did. People acted like they were animals and the L&D area was a snake pit! I was so angry---I thought I'd blissfully slept through my children's births and they just slipped out:confused: I was so stupid and naieve:imbar :imbar.
My only advice to you--as a former L&D RN, is not to close your mind to any options. Take labor as it comes. You know what they say about Birth Plans :roll :roll You don't want to doom yourself to a c/section!
Awwww Heather, I wasn't saying nothing about you, or any woman, who goes for NICU. Even Mario was born in a hospital. And I wouldn't take no chances if my wife was delivering. Unless, of course, she felt confident to just do it.
Would I have a say, as a father, if my wife wanted to go with a midwife, and I felt it best to go to a hospital? They baby would be OUR responsibility. Perhaps there would be rare cases where a woman wants to have a natural child birth, and the man/father/husband insists on modern health benifits.
It would be totally up to the mom, her desicion, 100%.
Why didn't someone think of this a long time ago since we women love to talk about our labor(s).
I agree with the poster that said she never shares labor stories with primip's.
Labor is very different for all and none of us have the labor we envision. I think c-sections/epidurals etc are just another way to have a baby, but our local docs are so hep on induced labor that my hubby (tongue in cheek) calls a 40 weeker "post-dates".
I will say that I elected for induction (one week before Christmas) and I wish I waited for the wisdom of the body because my son's head was transverse and it was a long, hard row for both of us.
It was a semi-significant disappointment to me that I didn't get pregnant again, because I was really going to try to avoid induction. It's nasty. But I'm enough of an ICU nurse that I worship at the altar of technology that I wouldn't think of having a baby somewhere where there wasn't technology and skill available.
NICU nurses do have it tough (as do peds and those of us that have worked with dd kids). Not all variables are under your control, no matter how much you avoid ice cream during pregnancy. I had two case management kids--one a home delivery gone bad, the other a baby born in a hospital and they were both very severe CP's/neurological "wrecks".
When people are nearing delivery, I always wish them "safe passage."
Sometimes "living" is feeling the fear and doing it anyhow.
In answer to your question - which I think you asked, I don't think a father has a right to dictate any means of medical care to his wife simply because she is pregnant. Unless, she is abusing herself/the fetus, etc etc. But a woman choosing a midwife over an OB/GYN is no more your decision than it is mine, as a stranger.
I talked w/a girlfriend tonight about all this. She did it au natural x 3....at a hospital.
A much older, wiser girlfriend of mine told me to stop thinking about it so much and 'JUST DO IT!!' Says I'm holding back getting pregnant 'cause I'm so darned scared....I have to say she's probably CORRECT.
My mother in law says I don't want to have kids 'cause I'm a labor and delivery nurse...perhaps she's right!!! LOL!!
I have that natural prolapsed cord/meconium/abruption/ what if-what if-what if fear ingrained in my brain.
Well, keep it coming...the stories are actually helpful. Tell me more!!
With my first child, a boy, now 9 y/o, I was in labor for 6 hrs, I did get an epidural, but for some reason i still had a lot of pain, w/ my daugther now 3, my labor was induced, I got to the hospital had the epidural first, and then the pitussin. I was even able to take a nap, watch General Hospital and after only 4 1/2 hrs my baby girl was born, and the best part NO PAIN. I have no plans to have any more kids,but if I did I would ask my Doctor to be induced again.
First one was a 42-weeker, tried induction but it didn't work. Her heart rate was dropping after each (very strong but painless) contraction, and (to make a long story short) we ended up with an emergency c-section BUT a healthy, 9 lb 11 oz girl.
Second baby was going to be as big as the first, so another c-section was planned. And a good thing, too--a 9 lb 12 oz boy who was a week early.
Differences between the two: The first one, I hopped out of bed and bounced around all over. No problems recovering at all. Had a spinal with that one.
Second c-section, an epidural. Which I had removed asap after surgery because I couldn't stand not feeling my legs. THEN the IV didn't work properly...it was a mess, I was discharged too early (2 full days after birth--even the dr didn't like it but the ins. co. wanted it that way) and recovery the second time 'round was not nearly as easy.
After the first one, my mother in law told me (in a rather patronizing way) that I shouldn't feel like less of a woman because my baby wasn't delivered naturally. I told her I'd have to be crazy to feel that way--that it didn't matter to me how my baby came out, as long as she came out healthy! MIL was amazingly silent on the subject the second time around...LOL
My first was a 42 hour labor which started with SROM and ended with a CS. He was 9#11oz, posterior with an asynclitic presentation (had an unusually large head, too--still does LOL). My second was a secheduled CS--I wanted a VBAC but it was a different OB in a different town, and we couldn't be sure about the first uterine incision so we went the safe way. Too bad, she weighed less than 7#. Intellectually, I know the labor with that first one was pretty bad, even though his head never engaged, but I really don't _remember_ it.
The other was wondering why anyone would need to tell a laboring woman to push, the feeling to do so just comes over you and is overwhelming. 
I had my first with out anything. It was hell for the last 6 hours, starting with that DAMN enema. I remember begging God to take me--I was ready to die rather than have another contraction. That was in Connecticut. We moved back to Massachusetts and they were giving people scopalamine. Now I wasn't a nurse at this point so I had no idea what it was. The Doctor said it wouldn't harm the baby and I would feel no pain. I had 2 this way and thought it was great. Then I went into nursing and saw what scope did. People acted like they were animals and the L&D area was a snake pit! I was so angry---I thought I'd blissfully slept through my children's births and they just slipped out:confused: 
I was so stupid and naieve:imbar :imbar.
hoolahan, ASN, RN
1 Article; 1,721 Posts
First child, wanted to have the perfect, natural experience, but baby was big, and was breech. Midwife said well, you can try it Linda, but if you get the baby halfway out, and the head won't come out, we can't shove the baby back in. I opted for the C-section. THAT was the miserable experience. So much pain, and since I nursed, they wouldn't give me anything stronger than Tylenol. Next child, I opted for V-Bac, and I will NEVER EVER understand WHY any woman would WANT a second C-section if there were any choice about it.
Second child V-Bac. NO Drugs whatsoever. IN and out of false labor for 2 days, backaches and mild cramping. I was dilated 4cm and going no where, so they broke membranes, and not much happened, then they used the pitocin. Now I may be the only kook on the planet that actually liked the pitocin. I had such wimpy weak contractions before that, with the pit, I finally felt like I was making progress!! Very hard strong cramps, lasted a short time each contraction, I was able to breath thru it, and refused pain meds. When her head was delivered, there was a minute where I thought I may not live thru the pain, but it was very brief. My husband said Linda, look you can see the head, but I could not look b/c to see AND feel the pain was too much for me. I closed my eyes, another push, and she was out, then I was talking a mile a minute, feeling high as a kite on endorphins, and my neighbor was my roomate later, we stayed up talking until 4am about our experiences. I got right up after she was born waled to the BR and peed, felt great, SOOOOOOO much better than the C-section.
I can honestly say, you DO forget the pain, it is temporary. You will be OK. If you and the baby are OK, that is all you need to know.