I wish I could just shut up already

xtxrn, ASN, RN · Oct 1, 2011

Issues are long-standing from what you describe......therapy may be a good way to learn coping mechanisms and resolve some old issues :)

Home Health Columnist / Guide · Oct 1, 2011

Have you ever had counseling ...might allow you learn how to effectively deal with how the past imacting the present. Many facilities have Employee Assistance Programs (EAP) that help one deal with life-work balances..my companies rogram offers 3 free counceling sessions.

nola1202 · Oct 1, 2011

time, patience. You are aware this is a problem and you will be more aware the next time or times your mouth wants to take off running down the hall. Journaling everything I want to say but can't helps, it can also be a source of amusement at the end of the day. Check out the thread, everthing you've ever wanted to say to your coworkers and patient's and can't. Been there, done that with the abuse fear thing. I suspect there are a lot of us out there.

nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN · Oct 1, 2011

I grew up in a family where my primary caregivers while my dad was away in the military were my alcoholic grandfather and valium addicted grandmother. So, I also learned to keep my mouth shut, stay out of the way, not add energy to a bad moment by just trying to become invisible.

However, the older you get, the less effective those things are at dealing with stress. There comes a point in your life where the water that others have been building a fire over finally boils over; unfortunately, it rarely gets to boil over on the folks that caused the problem. I got some therapy, learned how to deal with my suppressed rage and anger. I recognize my triggers -- abusive alcoholics, manipulative prescription drug abusers, bullies -- and an learned how to externalize, not internalize my anger. People I work with talk about how calm I am, how things don't get to me -- the secret is, they do, I just have effective coping methods. Get help. It can make a wonderful difference in your life.

kakamegamama · Oct 1, 2011

Having someone to talk to about this is a good idea. Until then, "Is it true? Is it helpful? Will it prevent harm? Will it cause harm?" are all good questions to filter through. Hang in there.

tcvnurse, BSN, RN · Oct 1, 2011

Seek counciling.

linearthinker, DNP, RN · Oct 1, 2011

Having someone to talk to about this is a good idea. Until then, "Is it true? Is it helpful? Will it prevent harm? Will it cause harm?" are all good questions to filter through. Hang in there.

I usually go by:

"Is it true?"

"Is it helpful?"

"Is it necessary?"

Agree with counseling.

Good luck.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Oct 4, 2011

I too was raised by a mother who thought hitting and beating us for everything we did wrong was the answer; that was how her generation dealt with kids. However it had the opposite effect on me - I DO speak up now, whereas when I was much younger I would have said nothing.

Perhaps the best thing is NOT to stay silent. What is it about work that is bothering you so much? Is it people/patients being unnecessarily nasty - you don't really say, so it' hard to judge.

You can speak up without losing it - you can stay professional too. Bottling up how u feel doesn't work.

Talk to those concerned re ur feelings & ur NUM (if they are sympathetic). But I speak up professionally re issues that bother me & take it from there.

If u can get confidentail counselling thru work, do that ASAP.

Email me if u need to talk.

~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN · Oct 4, 2011

I grew up in a particularly abusive family. I wasn't allowed to speak or cry without getting slapped or punched. You can bet I learned to control my tongue. I have always been good at keeping my thoughts to myself. But, lately at work it has become so bad, that I think my frustration level has gone through the roof. My mouth just opened and I started saying the things I have been holding back. It felt pretty good the first or second time, but now I feel like I am alienating people and causing problems for myself.
I don't want to go back to being a mouse, but need to learn some self control. How to you manage to keep your mouth shut - when it needs to be quiet. I don't want to run my mouth like a run away train. Idon't like what I am seeing, and I feel like the lack of compassion and professionalism at my work has hit a peak. It really bothers me a lot. Since I haven't had to learn to control my speech as a child/teen because fear did it for me. Now that the fear is gone, I need to learn to be quiet already. How do you do it - I mean not speak every negative thought that enters your brain?

I think it's just something you learn over time once you notice the problem. I grew up the same way but when I became a teen I found my voice. In fact it still gets me in a lot of trouble to this day, I just can't pass up the opportunity for a snarky or witty comment. They just fly off my tongue. I had one particularly abusive boyfriend when I was pregnant and I would know when his temper was flaring that if I said something he would hit me, but I also refused to back down so I would smart off and take the hit.

Now that I am older I have much better control over it, (except in abusive relationships still to this day and I think it's a control thing, it's the only control I might have of the situation). But at work I have learned really well when to bite my tongue and it's NOT easy. I just learn to pick my battles and somethings you just have to learn to let roll off you. If lines are being crossed then you have to stand up for yourself but even then you have to learn to do it tactfully and you have to remember there is a time and a place to do it.

Cuddleswithpuddles · Oct 4, 2011

Hi there,

Your feelings are worthy of expression but, of course, we must all find a healthy outlet that works. On top of all the good stuff everyone else has said, I recommend keeping a journal. Writing in my journal is extremely soothing and I am often surprised at the revelations and solutions that pop out simply by reading what I have wrote. There is just something different about the act of bringing your thoughts into the physical realm through pen and paper. Much different than just thinking about it.

Writing allows you to express every negative thought in your head without consequence.

It is also a cornerstone of cognitive-behavioral therapy. Seeing your thoughts on paper can help you see the negative, irrational and counterproductive mentalities that could be holding you back.

Pen, paper and privacy. That's all you need. Try it. :)

aubriannarn · Oct 4, 2011

I grew up in a particularly abusive family. I wasn't allowed to speak or cry without getting slapped or punched. You can bet I learned to control my tongue. I have always been good at keeping my thoughts to myself. But, lately at work it has become so bad, that I think my frustration level has gone through the roof. My mouth just opened and I started saying the things I have been holding back. It felt pretty good the first or second time, but now I feel like I am alienating people and causing problems for myself.
I don't want to go back to being a mouse, but need to learn some self control. How to you manage to keep your mouth shut - when it needs to be quiet. I don't want to run my mouth like a run away train. Idon't like what I am seeing, and I feel like the lack of compassion and professionalism at my work has hit a peak. It really bothers me a lot. Since I haven't had to learn to control my speech as a child/teen because fear did it for me. Now that the fear is gone, I need to learn to be quiet already. How do you do it - I mean not speak every negative thought that enters your brain?

WIth abuse comes complete negative thinking, take it from someone who has been there and knows. All a person that has been through what we have been through can see is the negative things people are doing to us. However, sometimes we are taking things way to seriously, analyzing much too deeply, and thinking about stuff that should not even be considered.

For every negative thought you get, stop it once you realize that you are thinking negatively, go back create a positive thought. This takes time and patience and more time. The stuff your upset about only hurts you, you are the only one upset all of the time. The stuff your upset about is probably simply stuff to let go and think about the positive things you want to do with your life.

Treat people kindly no matter what, and you end up making them be at least civil to you always.