I'm sure there are many posts on here from nursing students boohooing about how hard nursing school is and how they want to quit. I hate to add to that chorus but I've been keeping these feelings inside so long, I just need to get them out somewhere, so forgive me.
I'm in my third semester of a four semester program, and I've hit such an emotional wall. I've lost all my focus and motivation and my grades are dropping, though I can probably still make B's. This semester is peds/ob, and it doesn't help the situation that I have no interest in kids, babies or birth. But it's more than that. Clinical makes me incredibly anxious, and I feel like such an incompetant fool all day. I haven't ever had a very bad clinical experience however. I've never made a horrible mistake or been chewed out, and my clinical instructors have either given positive feedback or at least thought I was safe and performing adequately. Still I feel like I'm not independent at all in clinical, like I'm operating at a first semester level still. I'm not fully taking over care for 2 patients like I'm supposed to. Even when my anxiety levels are low I hate clinical. I think the feelings started in second semester when as students we began to have more independence and responsibility. It became more real. I push my negative feelings down until clinical is over, and then for the next few days after I reflect back on it and feel depressed and cry. I don't want to be responsible for people's health and safety. I don't want them to look to me for health advice. I don't know if I can attribute these feelings to anxiety about nursing that will eventually fade or if this is a genuine dislike of the field. I feel like I have no way to distinguish that.
There was an incident this semester where I had an emotional breakdown at the hospital. I had spent the morning in the NICU, and it was fine. All the babies were stable feeder growers and the nurse I was working with was friendly and taught me how to feed and care for them. I'm not a baby person but feeding babies is kind of fun. Then when I left the unit I accidentally set off an alarm because I forgot to swipe my ID. The unit secretary was annoyed and chewed me out a little. I apologized profusely, and as I got into the elevator tears sprung to my eyes. I knew this was silly and tried to swallow them down, but it was as if the floodgates had opened and there was nothing I could do. All my negative feelings were pouring out and I couldn't pull myself together no matter what I tried. I ended up going to clinical conference, fooling no one about the emotional state I was in. My instructor pulled me aside after, probably thinking I saw something upsetting in NICU, but of course there was no such logical reason for my breakdown. She was very kind to me about it, but didn't want me to finish the day because I couldn't be crying on the unit. It was humiliating. Nothing like that has happened to me before or since, thankfully. But it kind of illustrates where I am emotionally.
I have to finish the program at this point, so maybe there is no point to posting this. If I graduate in May like I am supposed to I will have a good degree and no debt. If I try to change my major now I will be adding over a year of school and lots of debt. There's no viable plan B, but it's just so hard to go to clinical and study for exams with this voice in the back of my head chanting that this is all wrong for me, that it was a mistake and I won't be happy. I have talked about this with nursing school friends, and they are sympathetic but no one can seem to really relate to how I'm feeling. They all really want this. I suppose I hope my preceptorship will change my mind. Do any other students feel this way? Have any nurses felt like this? Is it possible for me to feel this way now and find my way to an enjoyable nursing career? I hope so, because I don't know what else I would do. I'm sorry this is so long, but it was cathartic to write.
Specializes in Allergy/ENT, Occ Health, LTC/Skilled.
Even if you end up NOT like direct patient care after you graduate and get your first job, that doesn't mean you have to leave nursing, it just means you need to look at other avenues. I understand what you mean by saying financially quitting isn't an option at this point and do not let it be. I know how exhausting it is, I am in my last semester of pre-reqs before I start my LPN to RN bridge next summer, and I am already drained, so I know it will be 10x worse in clinicals.
There are MANY other paths in nursing that isn't revolved around bedside care. My LPN position previous to my current PRN position was in an Occ health clinic inside a huge production factory. While I saw patients (supervised by my RN and MD) who were injured, it was pretty much wrap em' and send em' (translation: apply pressure, bandage, off to the hospital you go) or minor fix ups and back to the line. I rarely spent more than 30 minutes with a patient and if I did it was because I was assisting in worker's comp paperwork. I point I was supervised by my RN because her job entailed even less patient care. She merely monitored what I was doing (and after I was trained and trusted she hardly had to do that) but the majority of her job was doing travel medicine for the higher ups in the company and administrative duties.
So don't give hope. Get through this part and know you do absolutely do not have to do this type of nursing. There is very much a corporate side to nursing as well that involves zero bedside nursing if that's not your thing.
Good luck friend, keep on keeping on, and repeat to yourself that this will get better. Your so close!!
Specializes in Allergy/ENT, Occ Health, LTC/Skilled.
I am also in my 3rd of 4 terms. It has been brutal.
My situation is slightly different, as I worked as an LPN/LVN for a year prior to being enrolled in the 3rd term of an ADN program. I hope that makes sense.
Quitting school or at least taking a break has crossed my mind a few times, though fleetingly.
I will tell you the thing that gets me through, the one thing I know is that working as a nurse was so awesome. I enjoyed my work as a nurse. I know that at the end of this, I'll be paid even more to do a job I like.
In my school, the instructors seem to think that by being super hard on you, they are preparing you for the rigors of nursing. Because, after all, we will hold people's lives in our hands-so to speak.
Perhaps some students need this type of treatment in order to take their vocation seriously.
I know I don't. I'm an adult learner and take criticism well. But school isn't about taking criticism, it's about putting you in your place and penalties for things you would never be penalized for at work.
Back to the topic: hang in there! I will reiterate: there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
I had to comment on your reply because even just during my pre-reqs I have noticed this mentality from professors/nursing staff. I am like you and welcome criticism, I have been an LPN for 5+ years now and I certainly now know the value in listening to those more experienced. But the attitude that some of the teachers have towards students in general is very discouraging. I realize this generation coming up through college tend to be more...immature? I do not want to generalize but I can only speak on what I see personally as most students I have been in pre-reqs with are a good 10 years younger than I with zero children/jobs, are failing/close to failing/, and consistently make invalid excuses for it. I wonder how much this has to do with it or it's more of the "nurses eat their young" mentality.
I ABSOLUTEY, ABSOLUTELY, ABSOLUTELY, HATE NURSING SCHOOL. Especially ESPECIALLY clinicals! Can't stand them. The night before clinical, I can never sleep because I'm so miserable about having to go there the next morning. I'm in my psych rotation now and I just HATE it!
However, I do know that in the end all this is going to pay off, and there's soo so so much you can do with nursing. You WILL find something! It is good to know that I'm not the only one who hates nursing school!
I loathed clinicals- was sick with anxiety for nearly every one. I never made a serious mistake, never got chewed out by anyone, and still felt like I might vomit walking on to the floor for every single clinical shift. I remember so clearly one of my instructors saying over and over, "You hate us breathing down your necks right now but when you're out on your own, you'll wish we were there!" And I was a good student. I got along with my instructors. I got a leadership award at graduation. But wish I had clinical instructors breathing down my next after graduation?
Bull. Complete bull. I sighed with such profound relief the day I stepped on to the floor and realized *there were no more instructors* with the potential to dash years of work with a single eval, spring a public pop quiz, or otherwise stress me out *on top* of the already very serious responsibility of providing good care. I think the misery of clinicals for me was partially because I already took what I was doing very, very seriously, and having draconian instructional methods and regulations added on top of that was just crushing. It took everything I had just to get through those days.
But I love being an independently practicing nurse. Not that it doesn't ever involve stress or anxiety- it's a stressful job- but even on the very very very worst days in my actual practice, I've never felt as bad as I felt during my "best" clinical days. And there are good things in real-world nursing, too. I don't remember anything other than total, panic-attack level anxiety during clinicals. No good days then.
I can't, obviously, say if this will be the case for you- and it wasn't an instantaneous transition for me, either- being a new grad orientee still involved a lot of self-imposed anxiety. But the difference between the experience of being a nursing student and a practicing nurse is huge. Too huge to comprehend until you've done them both. So it is possible to hate the one and still find out you enjoy the other.
Get your degree and your license! You can do so much with nursing. Many nurses are now doing things like discharge planning, outpatient clinics, public health, management, research, etc that don't require much if any direct patient care or taking of a daily assignment like bedside nursing.
I didn't like some of my clinical experiences. I had a lot of anxiety and always have, and nursing school expected you to move quickly and learn to be comfortable quick. That is hard for a perfectionist - I want to be good and master something but with the way you rotate areas in nursing school, that is impossible to do in the timeframe. I ended up speaking to a therapist and getting on some medication for awhile. I am not saying do it immediately, but if you feel a lot of anxiety, it is worth it to talk to someone. You are likely doing just as well if not better than some students. They would be talking to you if they were concerned. C = nurse, but don't let your grades slip because you just are losing focus. You have come so far and even if you don't want to be an RN, your degree can never be taken away from you regardless of license or practice.
In my school, the instructors seem to think that by being super hard on you, they are preparing you for the rigors of nursing. Because, after all, we will hold people's lives in our hands-so to speak.
Perhaps some students need this type of treatment in order to take their vocation seriously.
I know I don't. I'm an adult learner and take criticism well. But school isn't about taking criticism, it's about putting you in your place and penalties for things you would never be penalized for at work.
Back to the topic: hang in there! I will reiterate: there is a light at the end of the tunnel!
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm lucky in that the philosophy in my program is not a hunger games style attempt to weed out the weak ones, but rather one where they want to give you the support you need to complete the program. Your post made me think about how I should take greater advantage of that and use the resources I have. I think being unnecessarily hard on students produces a toxic environment that is hard to flourish or thrive in.
If a particular post is too long or uninteresting for you to bother reading, feel free to not post a response. Some other people resonated with this topic enough to discuss it and have been helpful to me and other readers.
I want to thank everyone who made the point that there is a big distinction between the experience of being a nursing student and the experience of being a nurse. It is possible to not enjoy being a nursing student and still enjoy being a nurse. This gives me hope. I'm definitely not quitting nursing school but hearing from people who can relate to how I'm feeling and still have fulfilling nursing careers gives me extra motivation to push on through.
I considered quitting the whole time I was in clinicals. Hated them. But I liked being a nurse once I graduated. So I am proof that not liking nursing school does not guarantee that you will not like nursing. .
Put me down for another one that hated school and considered quitting every. single. semester.
I disagree with the others, if you hate it switch now!! What is the point of graduating with no debt and a degree you hate with a job you hate? What's the point? Because you have a what others deem a great career?
The same cheerleaders on here telling you to finish are the same ones telling the people who hate their psychology degrees to jump ship and go into nursing. I don't agree with it. You need to be happy at your job or you won't be effective.
There are going to be certain areas or specialties you don't like. But you state you haven't liked school for awhile. You fantasize about quitting. That's a big, red flag here.
You are the only one actually living your life. Only you. Do what makes you happy, not what you think others expect of you or what others will perceive about you. Not one of those people is going to ever be you in life!!
I strongly believe in making yourself happy in life, no matter what path you choose. I've learned through the years to stop worrying about what I think the world expects of me. I do what I want and I'm so much happier!!
I have completed a lot of the RN classes, but as a LPN, I can tell you that practicing is much better for me than being a student. I too, would have severe anxiety with clinicals. At the school I started in for the RN, they kept telling us that when we graduated, we WOULD be working med/surg. Well, no one that I was friends with are working med/surg. Each one found their niche and love what they are doing. I am loving what I am doing as LPN. I am with one of the previous posters who said that her worse day as a practicing nurse if better than her best days of clinical. That has been very true for me.
Finish it out, find your niche and see how different it is.
I'll be darned if I stand there and allow a unit clerk to chew me out over an honest mistake that didn't hurt anyone. Correct me if you wish, but chewing someone out over a petty mishap is crossing a fine boundary line. I'm also not going to shed my tears over someone who won't lose any sleep over me.
It takes a smart person to consider that perhaps nursing is not for you. If your feelings of dread and anxiety are not caused by mental health issues, maybe it is time to reevaluate this career move. I'd only be making empty promises if I assured you that things would improve.
Good luck to you.
Yeah I'm a Ward Clerk at a hospital. If someone did that, I can care less. What can possibly happen? Security comes up and asks what tripped the alarm? Boohoo. Sounds like the Ward Clerk has some issues of their own. I mean really, chewing someone up over something like that? I've seen far worse things than that. Lmao, it's petty.
Anyway, Nursing school is not like real life Nursing. You won't have people breathing down your necks (unless you work day shift and have administrators around). You probably won't see the light now, but I'm willing to bet once you're a Nurse... Years from now you'll be telling another Nursing student who is having a break down, how you broke down but pulled yourself together.
LPNtoRNin2016OH, LPN
541 Posts
Even if you end up NOT like direct patient care after you graduate and get your first job, that doesn't mean you have to leave nursing, it just means you need to look at other avenues. I understand what you mean by saying financially quitting isn't an option at this point and do not let it be. I know how exhausting it is, I am in my last semester of pre-reqs before I start my LPN to RN bridge next summer, and I am already drained, so I know it will be 10x worse in clinicals.
There are MANY other paths in nursing that isn't revolved around bedside care. My LPN position previous to my current PRN position was in an Occ health clinic inside a huge production factory. While I saw patients (supervised by my RN and MD) who were injured, it was pretty much wrap em' and send em' (translation: apply pressure, bandage, off to the hospital you go) or minor fix ups and back to the line. I rarely spent more than 30 minutes with a patient and if I did it was because I was assisting in worker's comp paperwork. I point I was supervised by my RN because her job entailed even less patient care. She merely monitored what I was doing (and after I was trained and trusted she hardly had to do that) but the majority of her job was doing travel medicine for the higher ups in the company and administrative duties.
So don't give hope. Get through this part and know you do absolutely do not have to do this type of nursing. There is very much a corporate side to nursing as well that involves zero bedside nursing if that's not your thing.
Good luck friend, keep on keeping on, and repeat to yourself that this will get better. Your so close!!