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efsrous

efsrous

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efsrous's Latest Activity

  1. If a particular post is too long or uninteresting for you to bother reading, feel free to not post a response. Some other people resonated with this topic enough to discuss it and have been helpful to me and other readers. I want to thank everyone who made the point that there is a big distinction between the experience of being a nursing student and the experience of being a nurse. It is possible to not enjoy being a nursing student and still enjoy being a nurse. This gives me hope. I'm definitely not quitting nursing school but hearing from people who can relate to how I'm feeling and still have fulfilling nursing careers gives me extra motivation to push on through.
  2. Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm lucky in that the philosophy in my program is not a hunger games style attempt to weed out the weak ones, but rather one where they want to give you the support you need to complete the program. Your post made me think about how I should take greater advantage of that and use the resources I have. I think being unnecessarily hard on students produces a toxic environment that is hard to flourish or thrive in.
  3. Thanks for your response. I was never really considering quitting. I fantasize about it constantly and it's definitely a struggle for me to get through the week, but quitting isn't really an option for me at this point. It's encouraging to hear that someone can hate nursing school and still have a fulfilling career as a nurse. I can't quit for practical and financial reasons, but another part of why I am sticking this out is that I feel like I owe it to myself to try give nursing a real try and see if I can learn to like it. I don't want to quit and spend my life wondering what might have been, especially given that there's no guarantee I would like whatever else I decided to do. I feel like I won't be able to tell if it's nursing itself that I dislike until I am actually a nurse. So I'm committed to continuing, but I feel miserable in the meantime. But nursing school is only until May, I just need to keep that in mind.
  4. Thanks for the encouragement. I know I need to be a little kinder to myself. The breakdown wasn't really about the alarm, I think that one incident was just the straw that broke the camel's back, unfortunately.
  5. I'm sure there are many posts on here from nursing students boohooing about how hard nursing school is and how they want to quit. I hate to add to that chorus but I've been keeping these feelings inside so long, I just need to get them out somewhere, so forgive me. I'm in my third semester of a four semester program, and I've hit such an emotional wall. I've lost all my focus and motivation and my grades are dropping, though I can probably still make B's. This semester is peds/ob, and it doesn't help the situation that I have no interest in kids, babies or birth. But it's more than that. Clinical makes me incredibly anxious, and I feel like such an incompetant fool all day. I haven't ever had a very bad clinical experience however. I've never made a horrible mistake or been chewed out, and my clinical instructors have either given positive feedback or at least thought I was safe and performing adequately. Still I feel like I'm not independent at all in clinical, like I'm operating at a first semester level still. I'm not fully taking over care for 2 patients like I'm supposed to. Even when my anxiety levels are low I hate clinical. I think the feelings started in second semester when as students we began to have more independence and responsibility. It became more real. I push my negative feelings down until clinical is over, and then for the next few days after I reflect back on it and feel depressed and cry. I don't want to be responsible for people's health and safety. I don't want them to look to me for health advice. I don't know if I can attribute these feelings to anxiety about nursing that will eventually fade or if this is a genuine dislike of the field. I feel like I have no way to distinguish that. There was an incident this semester where I had an emotional breakdown at the hospital. I had spent the morning in the NICU, and it was fine. All the babies were stable feeder growers and the nurse I was working with was friendly and taught me how to feed and care for them. I'm not a baby person but feeding babies is kind of fun. Then when I left the unit I accidentally set off an alarm because I forgot to swipe my ID. The unit secretary was annoyed and chewed me out a little. I apologized profusely, and as I got into the elevator tears sprung to my eyes. I knew this was silly and tried to swallow them down, but it was as if the floodgates had opened and there was nothing I could do. All my negative feelings were pouring out and I couldn't pull myself together no matter what I tried. I ended up going to clinical conference, fooling no one about the emotional state I was in. My instructor pulled me aside after, probably thinking I saw something upsetting in NICU, but of course there was no such logical reason for my breakdown. She was very kind to me about it, but didn't want me to finish the day because I couldn't be crying on the unit. It was humiliating. Nothing like that has happened to me before or since, thankfully. But it kind of illustrates where I am emotionally. I have to finish the program at this point, so maybe there is no point to posting this. If I graduate in May like I am supposed to I will have a good degree and no debt. If I try to change my major now I will be adding over a year of school and lots of debt. There's no viable plan B, but it's just so hard to go to clinical and study for exams with this voice in the back of my head chanting that this is all wrong for me, that it was a mistake and I won't be happy. I have talked about this with nursing school friends, and they are sympathetic but no one can seem to really relate to how I'm feeling. They all really want this. I suppose I hope my preceptorship will change my mind. Do any other students feel this way? Have any nurses felt like this? Is it possible for me to feel this way now and find my way to an enjoyable nursing career? I hope so, because I don't know what else I would do. I'm sorry this is so long, but it was cathartic to write.
  6. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    Oh, ok thanks for letting us know!
  7. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    I named the group Sac State BSN Fall 2014, but I think I'm going to change it to our graduating year, Spring 2016.
  8. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    Hey guys, I saw no one had started an FB group yet so I went ahead and made one. Here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/251036691768583/ Hope that works!
  9. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    I'm in! So relieved. Can't wait to meet those of you who will be attending in the fall!
  10. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    I called Stanislaus and they said a fee waiver for the intent to enroll exists for students applying for nursing, but it was due early April. I wish I had known about this, I've scoured their nursing program's website and never saw anything about it. It seems like I'm probably going to be out $200.
  11. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    The intent to enroll isn't refundable. I feel like I will probably get in to Sac, but it just feels like so much hubris not to have a backup!
  12. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    milkpearl, I think they expect some people to accept their admission and then withdraw it later; that's why they have alternate lists. I don't think it will be a problem if you accept at San Diego and then change your mind later. It just sucks having to forfeit deposits...
  13. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    So I guess we're not going to hear until tomorrow; that's so frustrating. I was admitted to CSU Stanislaus' nursing program, so I guess I will have to submit my intent to enroll there along with $200 so I have a back up. I was selected as alternate 46 for CSU Chico's program, and they only have 40 slots per semester, so I feel like it's not worth it to submit an intent to enroll there right? I don't want to end up forfeiting $400 if I get into sac.
  14. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    Wow, thanks for digging up that email for us! Now, will it stop me from obsessively checking all day? Probably not...
  15. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    I don't think there is any way of knowing what time they will send it out. I've gotten decisions from other nursing schools at various times of the day. Sac is my first choice, so of course it's the last one I hear from! I've resigned myself to checking my email every 5 minutes. It will be hard to resist checking during my organic chemistry lecture tomorrow!
  16. efsrous

    Sacramento State (CSUS) Fall 2014 Applicants

    Thanks so much for all the info! It's nice to have a clearer picture of what the program really demands. The frontloading process will be intense, I'm sure. I was thinking about taking medical terminology over the summer, do you think that will be helpful? A couple other questions, if you don't mind: Do you get much support from the school in terms of resources for finding a job after graduation? Also, did you or someone you know do a nursing internship after the first year of the program? Did they find it to be good experience?