I can't stop crying~ why can't I be B Positive?

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:crying2: I just got off work in the PICU, My patient is a 12 year old boy who came in with N/V rapidly progressed to liver failure. I have been taking care of him for 3 nights and tonight he went encephalopathic on me, confused and combative, such a waste for a sweet boy's life

There are no B positive livers to harvest, and parents, siblings, extended family aren't compatible.

I have developed an attachment and am sooo upset, I am not depressive at all, but I feel as if there is nothing I can do, and just feel crappy. I guess I had to write it b/c I have noone to cry too:crying2: have any of you felt the same?

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Specializes in critical care.

I am sorry. :crying2:

I feel loss on certain pts also. It says alot. Dont ever lose this. I wish I could offer some wisdom. All I can offer to you is validation.

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Kudos to those of you special people who can work peds. I just melted into a quivering mass in my peds clinicals when a child was hurting/suffering. I became an adult ICU nurse as its easier to handle the suffering of adults vs innocent children.

Hugs to you and please take care of yourself.

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Yes I have and I understand.

Not with patients as a nurse, because I haven't had time to have any yet. But with people I cared for, in the sense that I took care of them, and friends with progressive problems related to their DM, and with one client who despite what I now know were obvious, obvious sx of multiple myeloma, was not diagnosed for several months and who died a young woman, a few hours after I last visited her.

Yes, I understand.

Personally, I have found that my own faith, and how I have developed a sense of belief in how things are--personal philosophy might be what I am talking about--has helped me manage grief about the suffering of others. But dealing with these losses--especially impending losses, anticipated losses--that's something I still have to ride like a really nasty speeding train I cannot get off.

I think we go through those stages of grief in situations like this. And I think all I can offer you is what I need when I am where you are.

The assurance that you are not alone--at least we are here. Depending on your particular persuasian, there is a higher power as well.

The comfort of an empathic "listener."

The gratitude that you trusted us enough to share your pain.

If you ever read a book called The Camel Knows the Way, by Lorna Kelly, I think she included this metaphor I want to paraphrase and hopefully not mangle too badly. I also heard her speak (she's incredible) so that may be where I got it. Be that as it may.

If you consider that your pain is like a tablespoon of salt, think of dissolving it in a single glass of water. It's terribly, terribly salty. But if you dissolve it in a lake, it disperses into essentially nothing. When we keep this kind of pain to ourselves, we are like that glass of water. But if we share our pain with a larger group of supportive people (like you are doing here), soon the pain becomes manageable.

Please know that you are cared about. By me. By others who know you. And by others on this board.

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Kudos to those of you special people who can work peds. I just melted into a quivering mass in my peds clinicals when a child was hurting/suffering. I became an adult ICU nurse as its easier to handle the suffering of adults vs innocent children.

Hugs to you and please take care of yourself.

Kudos right back atcha. I worked adult ICU for a short time and I RAN back to NICU/PICU as fast as my legs would carry me.

OP - hugs to you. I've been there and I understand - it's not easy...nothing we can say can make it any easier. But we are here for you.

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it goies with the profession i guess...i had a long term pt...as a child he was in genus range....this year in college he started to show shizophrenia signs...he was an only child and his parents could not stand to see their brilliant child become the person he was, and they never visited...he lived his entire life in a physe facility getting up when someone else said, eating bad food because that was all he ws ever going to get...before he died he said 'i have never had a life..i don't know why i was born...i tried to say something but ithere really wasn't anythong else to say

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I want to say thank you to all of you who responded. It really helps just to share how much it hurts me to think of my poor patient and his famiily. I am usually the person who keeps my feelings inside, figured I'd open up for once and it is like a weight has been lifted. I Thank you again for responding:)

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Specializes in ICU/CCU/CVICU/ED/HS.
I want to say thank you to all of you who responded. It really helps just to share how much it hurts me to think of my poor patient and his famiily. I am usually the person who keeps my feelings inside, figured I'd open up for once and it is like a weight has been lifted. I Thank you again for responding:)

ERRN1028....We, as medical people, see SO MUCH pain and suffering that if we try to keep all our feelings inside, WE will be the ones suffering. It is a GOOD thing to vent. Either by crying, talking to someone else, or, my favorite:rolleyes: , go out and chop wood! By the way...I am B- or I would try and help:crying2: .

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Specializes in Hospice specialty.

Im sorry. He is so young. I had a patient for months, she was a young adult...and had an autoimmune liver disorder where her body attcked it as a foriegn object. We had waited so long for a liver, and I gave up hope. The many doses of LActulose for the enceph were tiring for her to take and me to constantly give. Her blood sugars were always out of wack...even going down to 12 one evening. The D50 brought it up but she was still doing so badly.....then the dialysis had to start. We were all hoping that her kidneys would stay healthy until he transplant instead of the prerenal cause of kidney failure ina liver patient. BUT~ the liver and kidney came....months down the road. She hung on somehow. She rejected the kidney immediatly and had to have it removed. Her liver worked great and her kidney kicked in. she was weaned off of dialysis last week. No more TPN, No more jaundice, she's even walking around and due to be discharged this week. So, sometimes even when we lose hope....miracles can happen. She is doing very well

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To all of those who wrote, he r'cd his liver and he is doing great! His brother donated !! I am so happy for him and his family:)

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Specializes in Palliative, Geriatics.
To all of those who wrote, he r'cd his liver and he is doing great! His brother donated !! I am so happy for him and his family:)

Thank goodness, i hope the liver takes to his body okay. I loathe the thought of any child suffering.

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To all of those who wrote, he r'cd his liver and he is doing great! His brother donated !! I am so happy for him and his family:)

Thanks for sharing that..we all love happy endings don't we...specially when kiddos are involved. :)

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