I Need Major Guidance!!!

[nurseinalabama]

i have a very touchy subject that i really need some help in dealing with. so, your advice is greatly appreciated. my brother is living with and having sexual relations with a woman he met and moved in with about three months ago. the problem is that this woman made a comment to me today that she doesn't care for blood donor centers. after much persuasion, she explained that she had received positive hiv results approximately 5 years ago. i asked if she had further tests and she stated, "no, they are full of it and just trying to get my money". i don't know if she has ever discussed this with my brother and i know that it is not going to go over really well if this comes from me. worst part of all this, the sexual relations are unprotected and anal sex is a major part of their relations. any suggestions? this has been going on for three months. help!!!!

[NurseFirst]

meanwhile he would continue to engage in unprotected sex with this possibly HIV infected woman....no I disagree with you. The approach must be direct. She must do it in a supportive way, but it must be direct. No beating around the bush about this one!

Please don't read into what I wrote.

I said nothing about waiting days before telling the brother.

It's just like, when I was told about my Mother's death, my sister opened with "Something's happened to Mom"; that was much better than her coming directly out and saying "Mom died." The point is to be able to deflect and defuse as much anger as possible that may come mostly from the element of surprise, when peoples' defenses are down. "Sliding in" information is simply "warming up" to tell them the truth, doing it in such a way that they have a chance to react a bit at a time. It's sort of like going from the top of the building to the bottom. It's much more direct to jump off the top; but it's much safer to take the slower stairs :)

NurseFirst

[jschut, BSN, RN]

Cyndi~

Have you heard anything else?

I'm glad you approached your brother..I would rather have my brother be angry at me than to have him dead....

I think you did fine.

Good Luck to you!

Hugs~

Julie

[nurseinalabama]

Cyndi~

Have you heard anything else?

I'm glad you approached your brother..I would rather have my brother be angry at me than to have him dead....

I think you did fine.

Good Luck to you!

Hugs~

Julie

My brother has agreed to undergo HIV testing, he had a blood workup yesterday, so now we have the fun waiting game. His girlfriend is still telling him that she doesn't know what the big deal is because it had to be a "fluke". And, they are still together and STILL having unprotected sex. I have stressed how important it is to be protected regardless unless he and she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, but he says he doesn't "like the way they feel". See, that really irritates me, a person doesn't like the way a condom feels so lets not wear them and then maybe they won't get something. If they don't like them, they shouldn't be having sex.

I will keep you posted on the results.

Cyndi

[kbclary4]

I am glad he has agreed to go for testing. I am hoping that everything turns out fine. I also hope that he insists his girlfriend get re-tested (just to make sure whether or not the first test was a fluke) before he has sex with her again. Even if his tests turn out negative, they are still not in the clear until they know for sure about hers. I would rather know what I am dealing with now than kick myself later for not finding out. And I'm sorry, I cannot leave this post without saying she sounds like a real piece of work. If she really loved/cared for him, she would be concerned for his health and would not run the risk of putting him in harms way when it can be so easily avoided. She needs to get over her pride or embarassment and deal with reality. That's just my two cents.

I really hope it works out.

KC

[nurseinalabama]

And I'm sorry, I cannot leave this post without saying she sounds like a real piece of work. If she really loved/cared for him, she would be concerned for his health and would not run the risk of putting him in harms way when it can be so easily avoided. She needs to get over her pride or embarassment and deal with reality. That's just my two cents.

I really hope it works out.

KC

I agree, I don't think I could live with myself if I thought I might be putting someone else life in jeopardy. This goes above and beyond ridiculous. But no, they are still having sex, and still playing with a loaded weapon in the meantime. Thanks for your input.

Cyndi

[heron, ASN, RN]

Cyndi -- GOOD FOR YOU!!! Please pardon the "shouting", but I worked for 11 years on a dedicated AIDS unit and took care of more than one person who was infected under circumstances similar to your brother's. One woman married a man who was infected, his family knew he was infected and no one told her until she got pregnant and was tested by her ob/gyn. Luckily, this happened just as they started giving meds to pregnant women, so her kid wasn't infected. She outlived her husband by about one month. You are not only protecting your brother but everyone he may have contact with as well as any children he may conceive. The information is in his head ... he can't not know it ... he's lucky you're his sis! Heron

[USA987, MSN, RN, NP]

Any word on results yet???

Your brother is in my thoughts....

[RNKITTY04]

Im sorry and maybe Im being ignorant but is having anal sex with a (possibly) infected person worse than "regular" sex? I always thought sex was sex and if a person has AIDS you have the same chance of contacting it whether it be lady partsl or anal.

Sorry Im so dumb :stone

[MQ Edna]

Im sorry and maybe Im being ignorant but is having anal sex with a (possibly) infected person worse than "regular" sex? I always thought sex was sex and if a person has AIDS you have the same chance of contacting it whether it be lady partsl or anal.

Sorry Im so dumb :stone

I heard it is more dangerous having anal sex than lady partsl sex because of

the rectum is designed to absorb liquids hence: Anal sex is one of the highest-risk activities for transmitting HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. Other sexually transmitted diseases can be spread through anal sex as well.

[z's playa]

Im sorry and maybe Im being ignorant but is having anal sex with a (possibly) infected person worse than "regular" sex? I always thought sex was sex and if a person has AIDS you have the same chance of contacting it whether it be lady partsl or anal.

Sorry Im so dumb :stone

Why are you aplologizing for being "so dumb"? You just asked a question!

I don't understand all the people coming here and putting themselves down.

Back to thread :chuckle

[Da Monk]

Are not people who are infected with deadly diseases such as HIV liable and prosecutable for having unprotected sex and not informing their partner? I would contact your local police or health department or an attorney to find out about possible law violations.

[z's playa]

Are not people who are infected with deadly diseases such as HIV liable and prosecutable for having unprotected sex and not informing their partner? I would contact your local police or health department or an attorney to find out about possible law violations.

Heeey!!! That's right! I forgot about that. There can be charges brought against her . If he turns out positive or not (god forbid) charges of attempted murder can be brought against her.There's one case in the news right now about that exact scenario.