I guess I need encouragement or experiences or something. I’m so depressed I cannot even think straight.
I’ll try to make this short. I was in a LVN program up until this past Thursday. I was doing very well. I was passing everything and I have so many A’s and 100’s at that and I was so proud of myself. I know the book. Test me on it now and I know I will pass. I didn’t memorize it, I learned it. And my skills, my grades are nothing but 100’s. But at my school you must pass everything you do with no less than a 70.
If all your grades are 100’s and your final average is an A or a B or even a C but you fail the final, you are out. You must pass everything you do. And I was passing. But my very last final, the very last thing, last test, last sheet of paper I would be touching for this portion of my courses, I got so nervous while taking our test ( a skills test!) and I went into panic mode and I froze. And I am now paying for it. I made a 66. I missed it just by 4 points.
This was only my first semester and only the first portion of a year program. I am 26 years old I will be 27 in September. I feel so old, if I wasn't busy with my husband when I was 21 I would have been finished with this by now I think.
I know there are other nurses out there that don't start till 41+ but I had/have goals I have set for myself and this has set me back. I feel so bad and so low and so dumb and worthless. They make us pay for all our uniforms and our classes for the semester at the beginning of the program before we even need our uniforms and classes for the 2nd half which I did not make it to, you pay of it and if you do not make it you are just out of luck and stuck with 4 ugly sets of scrubs that you will never use again that cost a total of $300. Not to mention the classes that I paid for that I don’t even have a chance to take and I can’t get my money back for now.
I go tomorrow to talk to the head of the department and see if she will let me back in the program. They have a rule that you may have a chance to redo the program but you are given only 1 redo but they make you take the entire level and all the classes over again just because you messed up on one test. If I get a chance at my 1 redo I know I will do good I will keep myself calm.
It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I was doing, it was that I froze. I have been doing so good. I was so proud I wish I could show you all my 100’s. I’ve been devoting my life to this.
I’ve wanted to be a nurse since I was 6 years old and I put off everything for my husband when we were younger. We got married young and he was in the military. Now I feel so sad and depressed.
I’m not looking for pity here, I’m looking for options and to see if there is anyone out there who can say, hey I was where you are and now I made it, this is how…I have a 2 year old daughter. My mom even quit her job so she could stay home and watch my baby for me. That makes me feel like crap. I do everything for my daughter and feel so bad, I feel like I let her down. I feel so low.
I was a medical assistant before I started this program so I knew a little going in and I love working with patients and I’ve always wanted this. I feel like it is the end of the world, although people tell me it is not, I can’t help but think it. I need to work on my test anxiety, I was doing so good. It wasn’t that I didn’t know what I was doing. I just can’t believe I did this to myself. I do have dreams of getting my MSN and for my daughter I still want to get there.
I have 6 more classes to take to be able to start a BSN program. I had a plan to just start with LVN and get better at skills and also a way to get my foot in the door over all. But now I’m just so depressed. If I get another chance I will not be able to start school again till August, it is to late to enroll in any other classes at the moment and I quit working so I do not have a job at the moment.
I feel like sewage, if it wasn't for my daughter I wouldn't have even got out of bed today. Prayers and any info or thoughts, experiences, anything, anyone can give me would be nice. Thanks.
Ok now, deep breath. You didn't blow up the World Trade Center, nobody died, you failed a test (albeit, an important test.) Your situation is painful, but not irreparable. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself today but you can't allow it to become your identity. That's called sitting in your own poo, and you sure don't want to do that. You have someone depending on you to make it.
First, let's wait on the recriminations until you actually talk to your dept head. Perhaps there is something they can do. Try your hardest to keep control of your emotions in the meeting. I would point out that all your scores and feedback has been excellent up to this point. It wouldn't hurt to ask for a retake, since you froze up. If a retest is not possible, then ask how soon can you re-enter the program and start planning accordingly. It's not the end of your nursing career unless you let it be. You're only 27. I know you said that you have aspirations. Well, don't stop having them just because things didn't happen the way you thought they would! That *would* be disastrous.
Have you always had test anxiety or is this a new thing? The reason I'm asking is that if this has been a life-long thing, you can get therapy for it. It's possible that medication might help, too. If you have legitimate test anxiety, you will like qualify for accomodations under the ADA. It might be worth pursuing.
Please go easy on yourself tonight. I know you're terribly disappointed but you're get through this. I doubt that your mother is upset with you--if anything, she's probably heart-broken for you. You're a mother. Would you feel disappointed just because your daughter failed a test and had to postpone her studies for 6 months? I highly doubt it. But you'd probably try to console her and boost her up so she can try again. Let your mother in on your pain so she can help you through this. You really are going to be all right.
Okay, now. Out of the poo.
Thanks, I am very sad, but you are right. I need to get out of this nasty poo and just keep going. And yes, I have always had anxiety over all but I have been able to control it. And test anxiety I have always had it but I also was able to control it or it never got THIS bad. THIS was bad. I got dizzy and started to almost black out to where by the time they told us TIME, our 5 mintues they gave us was up and what got me was I didn't write all I should have wrote. Instead I stood there frozen trying to get myself together. I think I will talk to a doctor. My husband has been telling me I should go to one as well.
You can do this!!! Like I said its HARD but it takes the dedicated hard working person and being a wife and mother and trying to go back to school you are that person. Life his wasnt the way you have school planned, but thats what makes us stronger. I believe you will do great.
ok I really cant type. I meant life doesnt always go as planned and im sure that isnt how you planned school to go, but that is what makes us stronger.
Thanks, I am very sad, but you are right. I need to get out of this nasty poo and just keep going. And yes, I have always had anxiety over all but I have been able to control it. And test anxiety I have always had it but I also was able to control it or it never got THIS bad. THIS was bad. I got dizzy and started to almost black out to where by the time they told us TIME, our 5 mintues they gave us was up and what got me was I didn't write all I should have wrote. Instead I stood there frozen trying to get myself together. I think I will talk to a doctor. My husband has been telling me I should go to one as well.
Sounds like you might have had a panic attack. Definitely schedule an appt with your doctor and/or a therapist. I'd hate for this to repeat itself on the next test. Lots of people have test anxiety but it doesn't mean you won't be a good nurse.
First off, no respect JohnnyDoGood, but you are doing no good.
Anyway...
You have to believe in yourself. If this is a dream...then do not let anything get in your way. I am thirty years old and have two children. I just recieved my results and am now officially an RN. It was a struggle, but well worth it in the end. Nothing is supposed to be easy...when things are tough and rocky you just have something more to be proud of in the end. I don't even know you, but I can see that you are compassionate and know what you want...don't stop until you get there.
I know it is difficult and in the beginning we not only feel we let ourselves down but others as well. with time it is going to feel a little better. when you go in to ask to retake the course dont go in pitiful and really sad. Take time now to tell them different strategies that you are going to do to make it work the next time so, you wont fail again. Example: if you usually sleep 3 hrs before an exam tell them this time you make sure to sleep 8 hrs and eat a balance breakfast. Remember when you go in to them tell them different strategies that you are going to do. They really like to hear this and not nursing students who come in crying and dont know what to do next. Be strong you are going to be fine.
I know it is difficult and in the beginning we not only feel we let ourselves down but others as well. with time it is going to feel a little better. when you go in to ask to retake the course dont go in pitiful and really sad. Take time now to tell them different strategies that you are going to do to make it work the next time so, you wont fail again. Example: if you usually sleep 3 hrs before an exam tell them this time you make sure to sleep 8 hrs and eat a balance breakfast. Remember when you go in to them tell them different strategies that you are going to do. They really like to hear this and not nursing students who come in crying and dont know what to do next. Be strong you are going to be fine.
Specifically for this type of test scenario, you might want to prepare again by visualizing and going over the steps while practicing deep breathing and calming behavior. Get yourself a table, put the paper on it, actually do the write-up and physically have yourself do the procedures by pantomiming them and describing everything out loud to yourself. You can break down the anxiety barrier by creating memory for doing the task successfully. Hope that they allow you to do a retest, but if you have to repeat the term, at least you will have another chance and you will gain further reinforcement of the basic material. HTH
I know exactly how you feel. I got kicked out of my LPN program 3 weeks b4 graduation because of 3 clinical warnings, which were really minor errors, they really should have worked with me, but I digress. Your feelings of letting everyone down I can relate to ): Now you just gotta get up dust yourself off and try again. That's what you have to do, really what is the alternative? Now for people who have never experienced a panic attack or severe test anxiety, it is easy for them to say oh just study harder, you didn't know the material, ect.
However severe test anxiety or a panic attack can cause you to totally lose any and all focus because your bodily symptoms ( pounding heart, lightheadness, numbness and tingling, shortness of breath, and feelings of absolute terror) TAKE OVER. No one else who has not experienced severe test anxiety or a panic attack can even imagine what it is like. It is absolute hell.
Hang in there, I hope you can get back into the program. Good luck!!!
I think you should be allowed to do a re-take as well. You've done well in your program other than this one blip. And that's what it is. A blip. A hiccup. A temporary set-back. You will get through this and you will be a tremendous asset to the profession as a nurse when you are done.
But---if for some reason your school is particularly anal and you don't get back in---since you are doing so well other than this one test, you would likely be successful in an RN program. If the worst happens, check out ADN or BSN programs. You had one bad test due to anxiety. I don't see that anyone would deny you admission to another program over that.
I know how you feel because I am a very nervous test taker... once someone told me that I needed to learn how to deal with it bc in patient care we have high stress situations. However, I cannot really think of time when I felt nervous whilst actually with a patient! So, I understand the "freezing" and I would think they would too, especially if its four points, and especially if you passed your clinical... don't you need to use the same skills in clinical to pass?
I hope this worked out for you! Sending positive vibes. xo
you can do it!!!
MakeMeABird
11 Posts
Thanks, I am very sad, but you are right. I need to get out of this nasty poo and just keep going. And yes, I have always had anxiety over all but I have been able to control it. And test anxiety I have always had it but I also was able to control it or it never got THIS bad. THIS was bad. I got dizzy and started to almost black out to where by the time they told us TIME, our 5 mintues they gave us was up and what got me was I didn't write all I should have wrote. Instead I stood there frozen trying to get myself together. I think I will talk to a doctor. My husband has been telling me I should go to one as well.