I need advice! please read

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I start my first nursing job Monday. I have a 3 year old son who is home with me when im not at school or busy with important appointments. I will be working in a hospital with a daycare facility that I intend to use. I will be working 3- 12 hour shifts and feel like this is way to long for him to be at daycare. Is this something I need to get over or should I find a friend or someone that could pick him up earlier and go to my house and sit with him until I get home. I feel like a bad parent with either of these decisions, but I know I worked too hard to become a stay at home mom. Any input will be appreciated. Thanks.

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Specializes in ER.

you must be a single mom?

It sounds like the decision is made to me. You say you are going to be doing those shifts, and by necessity he will need someone else to take care of him. My gut says that staying with one provider is better than shuffling between two. You may need to give a second person a few regular hours to maintain them as your back up plan. Many have done this exact same thing, and their kids have survived. Someone has to pay the rent, right?

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Specializes in Labor/Delivery, Pediatrics, Peds ER.

I have a lot of regrets about time my child spent with others while I worked, and I was only working 8 hour shifts. We had several bad experiences. We did a lot of moving around during his early years because my husband was in the service from the time our son was 18 months old until he was about 4. During the best of times, before my hubby was in the service, and once we were back in our home town, my mom would pick up our son from whomever was watching him when she finished work and he would stay with his grandparents until whichever one of us got off work first would pick him up. We both worked odd shifts.

My son had special times with his grandma and grandpa while they watched him for us, and that is one thing I do not regret. If you have a relative or a close friend that he knows, I would really look into having them pick your child up at daycare and watch him for a partial day. Any time spent with someone close to him as opposed to being at a facility for 12 hour days is an improvement, IMHO.

My son has never said anything about feeling "shuffled around." He was always glad to see his grandparents. I don't care what anyone says about daycare; it's not a great environment for children, it's just a last ditch failsafe.

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Im not a single parent but my husband works 12s too. And will be on some of the same days as me. I would love to say that we have a grandparent that would do that for us...but we dont. I feel like I would rather someone close to me keep him and let him eat a decent dinner that's not from a daycare, but I dont have many options. Thank you so much for the responses.

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Specializes in Labor/Delivery, Pediatrics, Peds ER.

I'm sorry if I made it sound as though a grandparent was the only option - I didn't intend that. But anyone close to you, IMHO, would be a good thing. I know how it is to not have many options, and the times we could call on grandma were probably not the majority. My cousin's wife watched our son part time during some of the periods, sometimes I called on friends (and paid them) and those were the situations which worked out best for us and gave me the most peace of mind.

I have to say I had experiences which were bad enough that when we adopted our second child and I was in a position not to have to work, it was a huge relief not to have to constantly worry about whether a caregiver was treating him well or not.

All the best to you, and I hope it works out well for you and your son.

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Specializes in ccu.

We cant' answer this question.

Only you and your husband know what is best for your child/family.

My kids have primarily had grandma watch them over the years. In March of this year, I accepted a MON-FRI job and had to put my youngest in day care 2 days/week. It was a wonderful experience, and now that she no longer goes, she tells me all the time about how much she misses her teachers and friends from there. It was a nurturing extension of home, exactly what I wanted for her. I interviewed several places before making a decision. I only add this b/c a PP apparently had a very negative daycare experience, and I wanted you to see that there is another side to that coin :)

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I didn't ask for an answer. Only input of others expiences. Thank you for your advice. I am going to pray about it and hope that I am able to make the right decision.

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I'm sorry if I made it sound as though a grandparent was the only option - I didn't intend that. But anyone close to you, IMHO, would be a good thing. I know how it is to not have many options, and the times we could call on grandma were probably not the majority. My cousin's wife watched our son part time during some of the periods, sometimes I called on friends (and paid them) and those were the situations which worked out best for us and gave me the most peace of mind.

I have to say I had experiences which were bad enough that when we adopted our second child and I was in a position not to have to work, it was a huge relief not to have to constantly worry about whether a caregiver was treating him well or not.

All the best to you, and I hope it works out well for you and your son.

Thank you so much! I wish I had family that wanted to be more supportive and spend time with him. I am finding out that family isnt always the best choice for me.

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Specializes in Labor/Delivery, Pediatrics, Peds ER.

You're very welcome! I'm sorry that your family has not been very supportive of you. That definitely makes things a good bit more difficult. You will be in my prayers. :)

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

I am so sorry your family isn't supportive. I am so glad mine is. My husband and I both work and he works M-F and the hours are odd too. I couldn't have done it without my family.

I know many who have had good luck with day care. Could you work opposite of your husband so you or him are home with your little one?

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we had a very positive daycare/grandma experience...my kids went a few days a week starting when they were 2 - they needed the socializing, and I needed to go back to work full time (I was part time from the time they were born)...

I've been out of work for the past 3 years and started today after graduating and passing boards - this summer (because I'll be on day orientation) they will be with a sitter a few days a week and my mom a few days a week - and they get the best of both worlds!

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

If the day care is on site with you, how about taking your lunch over and spending a little time with him during the day?

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