I just want to be a stay at home mom!

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Feb 27, 2017

The long-term security you will gain for yourself and your kids is immeasurable. You can raise a family on an RN's salary and you will no longer be dependent on someone who is 'not the best' with the people you most love and need to protect.

You are also setting an example for them.

Lavendergal · Feb 27, 2017

Thank you! All good points--I'm gonna keep going and doing what I'm doing. I just hope at some point I adjust to this new role as a working mom. I'm sure I will. :)

allnurses Guide · Feb 27, 2017

If your husband isn't the best with your children, you should consider leaving the marriage. Put your children first.

The best thing to do, in my opinion, when you are a divorced parent, is stay single. Remarriages fail at approximately 70%. Your kids have already been abandoned by their bio dad. Now this step-dad is not a good parent. Why put kids through that?

Is there a way you could move back in with your parents or other family members?

I'd personally dump this guy ASAP. Your kids come first.

As to the nursing career, make sure your kids come before that as well. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, get your family to help you out.

I know I'll probably be chastised for being so blunt but you have to put your kids first, especially in regards to someone who is not good to them.

I wish you the best.

meanmaryjean, DNP, RN · Feb 27, 2017

If your husband isn't the best with your children, you should consider leaving the marriage. Put your children first.
The best thing to do, in my opinion, when you are a divorced parent, is stay single. Remarriages fail at approximately 70%. Your kids have already been abandoned by their bio dad. Now this step-dad is not a good parent. Why put kids through that?
Is there a way you could move back in with your parents or other family members?
I'd personally dump this guy ASAP. Your kids come first.
As to the nursing career, make sure your kids come before that as well. If you want to be a stay-at-home mom, get your family to help you out.
I know I'll probably be chastised for being so blunt but you have to put your kids first, especially in regards to someone who is not good to them.
I wish you the best.

I cannot disagree with this. My father (a single dad with full custody) married a woman who hated us. It was miserable while it lasted, and made me think less of him as a man and as a father.

AliNajaCat · Feb 27, 2017

Second the "setting a good example for your children" part. They will see you working hard to finish an educational program so you can provide for them, sticking it out even though it's hard, overcoming your fears (you will, you know-- we all had exactly the same ones) and, if it comes to it, exemplifying the very important life lesson of, "It's stupid to stay with somebody who makes you feel bad." Think about how they will see you in 15 years, and you'll see what I mean. Life is too short.

I am happy to say that my kids got those messages from their childhood on, and have had much happier marriages than the one I had with their father. And I have been a nurse for mumblemumble years.

You can do this. Warm best wishes! Stay in touch.

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Feb 27, 2017

I don't know if you have daughters, but the strongest role model for a girl is the same sex parent. What kind of role model do you want to be. A stay at home wife and mother who dependent on a man that doesn't treat his step children right? or the role model that went out and got her degree, became a working nurse, stood on her own two feet and got her children out of a bad situation? As for sons, the male role models in their lives are not good. Biological father isn't in their lives and the only male around is their step dad that doesn't treat them right and probably doesn't treat their mother right also. Your current husband is teaching them how to treat their future girlfriends and wives unless you break the cycle and get them out of the situation.

allnurses Guide · Feb 28, 2017

I don't know if you have daughters, but the strongest role model for a girl is the same sex parent. What kind of role model do you want to be. A stay at home wife and mother who dependent on a man that doesn't treat his step children right? or the role model that went out and got her degree, became a working nurse, stood on her own two feet and got her children out of a bad situation? .

:blink: I know we tread into deep waters when we start talking stay home moms vs. work outside home moms . . . but I'd like to add that deciding to stay home with your kids doesn't mean you are a dependent woman who can't stand on her own two feet.

Just sayin'

I think the first priority needs to be to find a way to get this man out of the lives of her children. If for awhile she will need to move back in with family (healthy family that is) . . . then that's ok too.

The OP herself said she wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. She is "dreading becoming a nurse".

I think she hitched her wagon to a guy when she shouldn't have . . . this messes kids up so much when you make the wrong choice.

Be a mama bear - don't let anyone mistreat your kiddos.

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · Feb 28, 2017

I know we tread into deep waters when we start talking stay home moms vs. work outside home moms . . . but I'd like to add that deciding to stay home with your kids doesn't mean you are a dependent woman who can't stand on her own two feet.

That wasn't my intention. I did not intend to imply that all stay at home moms were subservient to their husbands and don't stand on their own two feet. Many stay at home moms are expert managers of the home and their kids lives. But, in her case, her home life is not ideal and she is fearful of her kids "losing their only sense of security" when she goes to work. There are only to solutions: get her degree, nursing job and get out of the relationship or be a stay at home mom and continue the status quo which is not fair to her children.

allnurses Guide · Feb 28, 2017

That wasn't my intention. I did not intend to imply that all stay at home moms were subservient to their husbands and don't stand on their own two feet. Many stay at home moms are expert managers of the home and their kids lives. But, in her case, her home life is not ideal and she is fearful of her kids "losing their only sense of security" when she goes to work. There are only to solutions: get her degree, nursing job and get out of the relationship or be a stay at home mom and continue the status quo which is not fair to her children.

:) Look at us . . . trying to plan her life.

And I knew it wasn't your intention . . . I just had to mention it as that is what stood out to me.

As a child of divorced parents whose parents remarried more than one time . . . I just had to add my thoughts about putting aside the adults "needs" and focus on the children.

I disagree with the order you placed for her life choices. Her first job is to get her kids away from a man who isn't good for her kids. She owes them that first.

In my opinion.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Feb 28, 2017

Second the "setting a good example for your children" part. They will see you working hard to finish an educational program so you can provide for them, sticking it out even though it's hard, overcoming your fears (you will, you know-- we all had exactly the same ones) and, if it comes to it, exemplifying the very important life lesson of, "It's stupid to stay with somebody who makes you feel bad." Think about how they will see you in 15 years, and you'll see what I mean. Life is too short.
I am happy to say that my kids got those messages from their childhood on, and have had much happier marriages than the one I had with their father. And I have been a nurse for mumblemumble years.
You can do this. Warm best wishes! Stay in touch.

And I'm going to "third" this part.

"It's stupid to stay with someone who makes you feel bad" is smart advice.

Double-Helix, BSN, RN · Feb 28, 2017

I think we need some more details before we can pass judgment on the OP's marriage and advise her she should be getting divorced. The only thing she stated was that he, is not the best with my children.â€ It's wrong to jump to the conclusion that the relationship is unhealthy or harmful without knowing what that statement means.