I just want to be a stay at home mom!

[Lavendergal]

So I am in my final semester of nursing school. I am a mother of five and have been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years. I am dreading becoming a nurse. I want to help provide for my family but The transition to becoming a nurse makes me so sad. I am remarried to a man who is not the best with my children and I am so afraid that my kids will now be losing their only sense of security. Sadly, their real father has been out of their lives for five years. I love caring for people and comforting them, but a lot of things about nursing scare me. Like me making mistakes, not being organized, and messing up. Honestly I wanted to quit nursing school in the first semester but I kept going because I did not want to quit before I gave it a fair chance. I am on night shift for my practicum and the hours are killing me. Any advice is welcome! I want to feel great about becoming a nurse and I do not even feel excited. Is this normal?

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I'm just blown away by how out of hand and off topic this thread got.

It's disappointing that so many nurses think they should tell someone to leave her marriage when 1. That wasn't the question she was asking and 2. She gave a half sentence of info about the marriage.

[lindseylpn]

My mom married my step dad when I was 10 and he really wasn't the "best with me" either, he'd never been around kids much and had unrealistic expectations on how he thought a 10 year old should act. There were definitely a few rough years there in the beginning while we learned how to be a family. My mom and step dad have been married almost 25 years now and he became an absolutely wonderful father, to both me and my younger brother. The statement "he's not the best with my kids" could mean anything, maybe some family counseling or parenting classes would help? The statement that bothers me though is "they might lose their sense of security", now that's another story if the kids don't feel secure around him or are afraid.

My opinion is that you go to work, use your education, set a good example for your children, gain some financial Independence, maybe find some alternative child care or possibly seek some family counseling, regardless if you stay with your husband or not. Being afraid of failure is normal, don't let that stop you from getting a job. We all feel insecure in the beginning, confidence comes with time. Good luck.

[Workitinurfava, BSN, RN]

Is it possible you and your husband can work on your problems? Can you get counseling? Some marriages are worth saving and some aren't. I won't tell you to divorce off the bat as I don't know if the relationship is a total loss. Everything has its positives and negatives but you must pick the lesser of the two evils. I hope the sacrifice to become a nurse will be worth it for you because being a nurse can put a strain on an relationship. Just keep that in mind. Your husband will have to step up a lot more and help you if you stay married. Be prepared to go it alone if you choose to become a nurse. Have back-up help in place. He could sabotage your chance of becoming a nurse. Maybe things will work out for the best. There are a ton of post from nurses on this board speaking on some of these things.

[Lavendergal]

Oh my goodness...these comments make me laugh and feel supported all at the same time. I actually didn't realize I had most of these messages until now, as I just posted another question--- so ladies, you are all awesome to give me your feedback. I thought it might be nice to hear what ended up happening in my life since then...well, I graduated in May from nursing school. I got hired at a local community hospital 15 minutes from me, and so far so good! My husband has only had two evenings with my kids, in which he did really well- making them dinner, etc. He has never been abusive or mean- just doesn't know how to "connect" with kids. My youngest daughter is his, so I'm not ready to divorce him by any means. I do feel a sense of confidence that if things got bad, I now have a degree...and I could provide for my kids no matter what. That's an amazing feeling! I'll keep you all posted on how things continue to unravel in my career! Thanks for all your amazing support! you're awesome!

[Miss.LeoRN]

I think the line what set off everyone's warning bells was "I am so afraid that my kids will now be losing their only sense of security". I mean, saying "he's not the best" probably left a bit of unease, but I get what you're saying. New dad, new husband, new step-dad, he's trying to find his fit. Sometimes the best way for a dad to get to learn how to be a dad, is for mom to step out of the way and just let dad learn how to be dad.

I'm glad everything worked out for you.