I feel demoralize and I feel i cannot go on.

[curiousnurse2009]

One of our doctor came to me and told that he went down to the radiology department and spoke to the technician regarding his patient for CT SCAN.. I told him we already informed the radiology department about your patient and just waiting for the schedule. He answered I'm telling you i went down and the CT SCAN is empty. I replied saying we have a process and I just cannot shift your patient without their go signal. He started to get irritated and now talking in a loud voice. I dialed the radiology reception and put it in a speaker so that he may heard that we already informed them. But sadly the receptionist change their shifts and did not endorsed our patients. He make a smug face and began to shout at me telling to shift my patient now. Which I told him im waiting for the receptionist answer. He gets angry and says who is your supervisor i will not go back unless you apologize for your attitude or i will make an OVR (like I.R) to you. I called my supervisor and head nurse. He was telling them that he wants me to apologize or else he will see to it that the owner of the hospital will know what happened. I denied yelling at him. I even told him don't shout at me doctor I'm pregnant. And he said i don't care about you. My three colleagues who was there stand by my side and informed my superiors that I am not the one who was shouting. Even the other doctor who was there informed my superiors as well. But ti my surprise my superiors told me to apologize because i will not lose anything. I told them, i will apologize to him but just tell me that you believe in me. They told me that they cannot say that. I felt very disheartened and without a choice apologize to the doctor. I cried because i know i did not do anything. I feel lack of support. All the three colleagues and a doctor already help me but still they didn't believe me.

[RN403, BSN, RN]

In the future "I would be happy to speak with CT regarding our patient, but, first you need to adjust your tone" should do. You do not have to respond to anyone's nonsense as nobody has the right to speak this way to you.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

OK - What you have described is a classic conflict escalation. One of the most valuable skills any nurse can have is conflict management so you have the tools to effectively deal with situations like this. My heart goes out to you. But - you will NEVER win in a verbal beat-down with a doc. Looks like your choices are to humble yourself & "apologize" or find a job somewhere else. (been there, done that). If possible, see if you can negotiate - in exchange for the apology, maybe your manager will arrange for Conflict Management training for you. It would be a good investment, because physician behavior is not going to change anytime soon.

Quick tip. The next time you get cornered by this type of demand, a good response is "I am so sorry that we have been unable to meet your expectations . . ." You're not admitting to any personal fault, but it is perceived as an apology.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

I was expected to apologize when I'd done nothing wrong. AN schooled me on how to apologize without apologizing.

It was exceptional advice, and I enjoyed reading every single suggestion.

I consider making nice with hateful people to be a part of the job. Even when I'm right.

The apology doesn't have to humble you unless you let it. Consider it a requirement for employment.

And become proficient at apologizing without apologizing.

[Cola89]

Ugh. You shouldn't have to put up with that.

[curiousnurse2009]

I keep that in mind thank you. It really helps that I was able to share this to all of you guys.

[curiousnurse2009]

Thank you dear. I will follow your advise. But here in our institgution we don't have this trainings and seminar's for conflict management. I really want to attend one. As of the moment I cannot get the experience out of my mind. And everytime I remember it, I feel disheartened.

[NurseSpeedy, ADN, LPN, RN]

Ugh, "Say your sorry" is something I would expect a mother to demand her child to do after not playing nice in the sandbox with their friend, not a supervisor of a nurse. The doctor has got to know that any apology that he would get at that point is simply lip service and nothing more. Sounds more like a psych issue than a oversized ego on his end. Many doctors will yell when they aren't happy about something. I'm not saying that screaming is okay but it happens. I've never been told to apologize by a doctor or supervisor. Thankfully I've worked with people who realize I'm not a child and talking to me like I'm one will get them nowhere.

[betterinthesun]

Sorry, it sounds like he was just looking to scream at someone and you were the first person he saw. Your supervisors don't seem too supportive but at least you have witnesses who can refute your statements. But you mentioned telling him to stop because you are pregnant - does this mean he was making aggressive gestures or seeming like he was becoming physically threatening? Because then that is really serious and should be reported.

I hope you feel better.

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

He looks like an ass for forcing you to apologize. Just try to remember that when you feel demoralized.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

Thank you dear. I will follow your advise. But here in our institgution we don't have this trainings and seminar's for conflict management. I really want to attend one. As of the moment I cannot get the experience out of my mind. And everytime I remember it, I feel disheartened.

You need to seek out your own conflict management training. Your facility is not expected to provide training on the many issues you need to keep up on.

[curiousnurse2009]

Ugh, "Say your sorry" is something I would expect a mother to demand her child to do after not playing nice in the sandbox with their friend, not a supervisor of a nurse. The doctor has got to know that any apology that he would get at that point is simply lip service and nothing more. Sounds more like a psych issue than a oversized ego on his end. Many doctors will yell when they aren't happy about something. I'm not saying that screaming is okay but it happens. I've never been told to apologize by a doctor or supervisor. Thankfully I've worked with people who realize I'm not a child and talking to me like I'm one will get them nowhere.

They said that here in UAE it is a natural occurence to be scolded by anyone. And I am not getting used to it. The previous hospital I worked was full of good people. Instead of shouting you will hear laughs of the staffs and patients. They have this " No shouting policy". And every time I said this to my colleagues they always tell me not to expect too much. If i did not need a big salary, I woudn't dare to come here. So I open up to my Family and told the what happen. It lifts the burden. Now I decided to move on. To continue working for the sake of my children. Thanks for the support Im getting to all of you..