I dont think I have the personality for nursing, and may need to switch majors...

Published

Hi all. I'm a second semester ADN student, set to graduate May 2020 if I keep on going. I always wanted to be a nurse for as long as I could remember and I made sure to get good grades so that I could get into a program my first try applying. I would watch nursing videos on YouTube, I'm subscribed to nurses on Youtube and I would feel so excited watching their videos. I loved being in hospitals--I loved the energy, seeing everyone work, the gadgets (I like messing around with technology), everything. I couldn't wait to be a nurse. I remember anytime I was in the hospital or at a doctors office or something like that the nurses were always so kind and calm and smart and it always put me at ease. I loved seeing nurses out and about in their scrubs and above all I've always felt that nurses are extremely intelligent and I've always respected the field. I've looked forward to possibly working in Public Health, NICU, OR or PACU, research nursing...even aesthetic nursing! It's such a flexible field.

But now im in nursing school, and I'm struggling in so many ways. Last semester I almost failed Fundamentals, but luckily my final grade was rounded. This semester in Med-Surg I I'm doing better in lecture so far--We've only had one quiz (which was more like a test lol!) and I passed it with the highest grade I've gotten so far during my time in the nursing program. It felt good to not pass a test only by the skim of my teeth and I got a 77.5! When it comes to clinical, I find that I struggle. I get very anxious talking to patients, and when my instructor is in the room? Forget it. I feel like everything I know just flies out the window. I'm always afraid that I'm hurting them in some way and I find that I am too gentle. Lastly, I feel as though my assessment skills still need work, despite the fact that I am now in my second semester.

In regards to me being anxious -- I never really know what to say when I'm with a patient. I've never been too good with small talk, but I do want to talk to make them feel comfortable and have them open up. When I get a patient that's not in the best mood (like today) I get so intimidated and flustered and I feel like I fall apart inside, even though I retain my composure on the outside. Today I had to give a bed bath with my instructor in the room and I felt so disorganized and my professor noticed it. I've always been slow at bed baths for some reason ever since I started doing them last semester and to have my professor bring it to my attention (which she did in an extremely respectful manner) really sucked because I felt like if I take so long to do something simple like a bed bath and if I get anxious so easily how could I ever handle working on the floor as a nurse? I second guess myself a lot and confidence it key in being a good nurse. Lab is stressful for me as well--I feel like I fumble when performing skills and always do better when I practice by myself or with a fellow student during open lab. When my professor watches me perform skills during lab I get nervous, forget steps...its awful.

I always worry that I'm going to hurt my patient. Last semester we had clinicals in a nursing home and this semester so far I've had older patients (ranging from 70 to 80 years old). During fundamentals, it was stressed to us how elderly patients are more at risk for skin tears, fractures, bruises, etc. So anytime I have to turn a patient (for example, when giving a bed bath) I'm afraid that I'm going to damage their skin in some way. When I'm cleaning them up, I'm afraid that I'm scrubbing their skin too hard...so many things run through my mind. Its like I treat patients gentle and delicate like their infants, and I'm not sure how to break out of that way of thinking.

And lastly, my assessment skills. There are times when my SBAR seems to be more empty than usual, like for todays clinical. I feel like I always miss things. Like I do vital signs (BP, Resp, Temp, Pulse, O2 sat), I listen to lung sounds, listen to bowel sounds, check the skin for turgor, capillary refill, ask them if they're experiencing any discomfort/pain, check pedal pulses, edema, etc. But theres always things that I forget. Like today, I forgot to check for range of motion, muscle strength, pupillary reflex, etc. I feel like every week I always miss something and on some clinical days my assessment skills are better but on other days, not so much. I feel as though I should be steadily progressing. And there are times when my professor asks me if I assessed for this, or if I assessed for that and it just makes me feel bad like it something that I should have noticed or thought to look for.

I guess I'm looking to vent and I'm also looking for advice. Has anyone else felt this way before? Is it a sign that I should switch my major to something else? I've been thinking of getting my BS in Biology and then getting my masters in Genetic Counseling instead. That way I'm still in medicine, still helping, but not on the front lines of patient care so to speak. I'd had to prolong my education, but I'm going to be turning 22 in a few months so I'm still pretty young...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Neuro.

Reading this I thought to myself well that is normal, that is normal....that is also normal.

1) Your assessment skills will improve the more you do it---some days are better than others...always. Also, I didn't start feeling slightly nurse like till block/semester 2-3. I felt like an idiot student most of the time and still do sometimes. And if someone asks me to repeat knowledge I've studied and retained religiously, it immediately goes out of my mind when put on the spot or under pressure. I'll remember it as soon as I leave a patients room, but int he moment, deer in the headlights who also get amnesia for some dumb reason when asked to instantly recall some profound knowledge.

2) Skills check-offs are always better when you don't have an instructor closely watching you. Almost everyone I know turns into a bumbling mess when they check off...unless they are psychopaths--kidding...well, maybe.

3) Oh my Lord, my first clinical I had the grouchiest resident (my first semester and half was in a geriatric population and they are different from what I expected, most I found sweet, fragile but sweet, some were grouches, but that is probably par for all patient areas). I had no idea how to talk to him and left feeling like a socially inept a-hole. And I consider myself one who can easily talk to people...nursing is different.

4) If you are not good at making small talk, just tell them what you are doing as you do it. Example during head to toe, just tell them, now I'm going to check your eyes, see if your eyes react to light, op, they sure do, etc. You get my drift. If fills the gap of silence, shows you are friendly and doesn't leave you fumbling to make up something to say.

5) You just went through all the pre-reqs being the super student with likely straight A's and then nursing school slapped you in the face with a malicious laugh. I was that straight A-er, then got to nursing school, learned my study style is not effective, can't study like I did before and *gasp* not getting A's is okay--you've probably learned this by now I'm guessing though. I'm in last semester and my last exam I got an 80% (C in nursing school land)...awful in any other realm of my life, but in nursing school...I've never been so proud of that "C" on an exam in my life, that's the honest truth. I studied very hard for it. Only a few others scored higher, no one in my class got an A that exam either.

So the point of all this? Growing pains, you are going through growing pains and probably are really doubting yourself for maybe the first time ever. My advice, everything you expressed, I've felt or still feel sometimes. Point is, if you still want to be a nurse, but are just lacking in confidence, then don't change majors. If it's what you still want to do, then do it, don't quit because it is getting tough. Now if you are beginning to hate it or hate the idea of doing the work of a nurse, then that would be good grounds to examine if perhaps it is time you get out of it.

Also, I think fantasizing about doing this for so long, you get like rose colored glasses of what it will be like and of course you will excel at it. Then you're in it and all of a sudden you're thinking this isn't exactly what I'd thought it be. I joined AN during my pre-nursing and it helped me take those glasses off well before I got started, so wasn't a shock...by the way thank you AN for that. Maybe that was the case for you, you built up an ideal and it is different than what you imagined and now you are questioning? Either way, be honest with yourself. Are you just scared and unsure and your initial thought is this isn't for me? Or do you genuinely hate it? Ask yourself, will I regret if I choose to switch majors and not be a nurse? Ask yourself these questions and you should then get an answer to your question. I wish you the best and everything you said seemed normalish to me.

12
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Psychiatric and Mental Health NP (PMHNP).

Honestly, you are a typical 2nd semester nursing student. I felt everything you described. Assessment just takes a lot of practice. Don't be so hard on yourself! Good luck.

5
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sit down and compile a list of why you want to be a nurse and also write down what you want in a job. Next look at the reality of the things you are writing down. See the work for what it is, and not what you want it to be ( don't see it as a fantasy). You can't fight city hall or let all of the animals out of the zoo because you want things how you want things. but you can make a difference if you are in it for the right reasons.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Adult Primary Care.

Everything you shared here sounds NORMAL to me. Take a deep breath and try to relax. You can do this.

3
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Totally normal. Practice your head to toe on a family member, dog or doll until you can do it in your sleep. Small talk? Just ask questions about them. People love to talk about themselves, children, pets, job, etc. And you can ask assessment-related questions (do your legs hurt when you walk? Do you sleep with a lot of pillows or in a recliner? Do you snore? Is this edema normal for you?). And you can do patient education (this pill is for, these are the possible side effects, etc). I never talk about myself.

It gets better, but there’s no shame in switching if that’s what you want. But don’t let your fear/anxiety make the decision.

4
Up Vote Up Vote ×
3 hours ago, beekee said:

Totally normal. Practice your head to toe on a family member, dog or doll until you can do it in your sleep. Small talk? Just ask questions about them. People love to talk about themselves, children, pets, job, etc. And you can ask assessment-related questions (do your legs hurt when you walk? Do you sleep with a lot of pillows or in a recliner? Do you snore? Is this edema normal for you?). And you can do patient education (this pill is for, these are the possible side effects, etc). I never talk about myself.

It gets better, but there’s no shame in switching if that’s what you want. But don’t let your fear/anxiety make the decision.

Hi there @beekee! I will do just that--practice more in my free time. And I will definitely work more on my small talk skills haha.

I know for a fact that trying to get my anxiety under control is of upmost importance for me right now, because I know that it is the source of so many of my issues. Anxiety truly can be paralyzing and it makes it hard to think and do even the smallest of things.

4 hours ago, AnnieNP said:

Everything you shared here sounds NORMAL to me. Take a deep breath and try to relax. You can do this.

@AnnieNP Thank you! I recently had a chat with a faculty member on my campus that involved learning how to switch my mind frame. Essentially I have to learn how to tell myself that I will succeed and to truly belive in myself.

On 3/1/2019 at 6:53 PM, Workitinurfava said:

Sit down and compile a list of why you want to be a nurse and also write down what you want in a job. Next look at the reality of the things you are writing down. See the work for what it is, and not what you want it to be ( don't see it as a fantasy). You can't fight city hall or let all of the animals out of the zoo because you want things how you want things. but you can make a difference if you are in it for the right reasons.

Hi there @Workitinurfava I will do just that. From the top of my head, this field matches a lot of what I want in a job, but I will definitely take the time to explore this further.

On 3/1/2019 at 1:54 PM, FullGlass said:

Honestly, you are a typical 2nd semester nursing student. I felt everything you described. Assessment just takes a lot of practice. Don't be so hard on yourself! Good luck.

@FullGlass Thank you for your support!

On 2/27/2019 at 5:36 PM, MiladyMalarkey said:

Reading this I thought to myself well that is normal, that is normal....that is also normal.

1) Your assessment skills will improve the more you do it---some days are better than others...always. Also, I didn't start feeling slightly nurse like till block/semester 2-3. I felt like an idiot student most of the time and still do sometimes. And if someone asks me to repeat knowledge I've studied and retained religiously, it immediately goes out of my mind when put on the spot or under pressure. I'll remember it as soon as I leave a patients room, but int he moment, deer in the headlights who also get amnesia for some dumb reason when asked to instantly recall some profound knowledge.

2) Skills check-offs are always better when you don't have an instructor closely watching you. Almost everyone I know turns into a bumbling mess when they check off...unless they are psychopaths--kidding...well, maybe.

3) Oh my Lord, my first clinical I had the grouchiest resident (my first semester and half was in a geriatric population and they are different from what I expected, most I found sweet, fragile but sweet, some were grouches, but that is probably par for all patient areas). I had no idea how to talk to him and left feeling like a socially inept a-hole. And I consider myself one who can easily talk to people...nursing is different.

4) If you are not good at making small talk, just tell them what you are doing as you do it. Example during head to toe, just tell them, now I'm going to check your eyes, see if your eyes react to light, op, they sure do, etc. You get my drift. If fills the gap of silence, shows you are friendly and doesn't leave you fumbling to make up something to say.

5) You just went through all the pre-reqs being the super student with likely straight A's and then nursing school slapped you in the face with a malicious laugh. I was that straight A-er, then got to nursing school, learned my study style is not effective, can't study like I did before and *gasp* not getting A's is okay--you've probably learned this by now I'm guessing though. I'm in last semester and my last exam I got an 80% (C in nursing school land)...awful in any other realm of my life, but in nursing school...I've never been so proud of that "C" on an exam in my life, that's the honest truth. I studied very hard for it. Only a few others scored higher, no one in my class got an A that exam either.

So the point of all this? Growing pains, you are going through growing pains and probably are really doubting yourself for maybe the first time ever. My advice, everything you expressed, I've felt or still feel sometimes. Point is, if you still want to be a nurse, but are just lacking in confidence, then don't change majors. If it's what you still want to do, then do it, don't quit because it is getting tough. Now if you are beginning to hate it or hate the idea of doing the work of a nurse, then that would be good grounds to examine if perhaps it is time you get out of it.

Also, I think fantasizing about doing this for so long, you get like rose colored glasses of what it will be like and of course you will excel at it. Then you're in it and all of a sudden you're thinking this isn't exactly what I'd thought it be. I joined AN during my pre-nursing and it helped me take those glasses off well before I got started, so wasn't a shock...by the way thank you AN for that. Maybe that was the case for you, you built up an ideal and it is different than what you imagined and now you are questioning? Either way, be honest with yourself. Are you just scared and unsure and your initial thought is this isn't for me? Or do you genuinely hate it? Ask yourself, will I regret if I choose to switch majors and not be a nurse? Ask yourself these questions and you should then get an answer to your question. I wish you the best and everything you said seemed normalish to me.

@MiladyMalarkey thank you so much for this!! Deer in headlights is definitely something I'm struggling with, as are most if not all nursing students. I just worry if im more anxious that I should be, but it's nice to know my feelings are pretty normal. I resonate with a lot of the points that you made in regards to being an A-student and yes...it's all growing pains. Its so hard to keep that in mind, but I will.

I've actually been browsing the forums here at AN for quite a while and I do think it helped give me a more balanced perspective on what this field could be like--the good and the bad. And I know that if I switch majors and give up on myself I will regret. When I'm calm, I feel like I can do it...but when I get anxious I start to worry if this isn't for me and I just feel so anxious about school all of the time. I'm in the process of getting help for my anxiety but it's still so hard to keep a clear mind ya know?

Thanks to everyone ?❤️

You guys rock!

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×

A couple of suggestions.

Watch Jody Foster's performance in 'The Silence of the Lambs'.

If you can work at emulating that kind of anxiety control, you'll be ok.

On the other hand, if you really find yourself losing it, now, & cannot overcome this 'overwhelm' sensation through your training (& mindfulness), then probalistically, even if you complete the course, you won't hack 'the life' as an RN.

Best wishes for your future, any which way you choose to pursue it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Aw @WorldEscapes I feel for you. I just want to give you a big hug. You will get through this! I'm so happy to hear that you've idolized those in our profession. If you do keep this up, I know you will be an excellent nurse. Why? Because you obviously care about the patients.

Everything you described was me in my first semester- bed baths, older patients and everything. Have faith that you will find your groove and your niche in time and will feel confident. And even at that point, you will learn something new weekly- or even daily!- and be reminded that this profession requires lifelong learning. Take it humbly and be proud that you've made it so far in such a great, dynamic profession.

Take care. ❤️

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

Reading this made me smile, you are a completely normal nursing student and very self aware. I can tell you really care about doing things the right way and helping rather than hurting. Don't forget, when we're new it's hard to know exactly how it feels to do something correctly, like a bed bath. With more experience your anxiety with those tasks melts away, trust me.

Don't be discouraged, the content and tasks you learn get so much harder, but you can do it if you stick to it and maintain this wonderful attitude you have. Also I am socially awkward and find it tough to talk to patients, but like another poster suggested, just ask them about themselves and their families. This has really worked for me and most patients are delighted to talk to you. From a recent nursing student to you, know that you will get better! I had a lot of anxiety the first couple of semesters, and by the time I was done I was precepting in the ICU and doing great. Keep up the good work!

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×

One more thing.

Perhaps discuss your anxiety issue with an Rx prescriber.

A small test dose of propranolol might be indicated/helpful.

If that is permissable, of course.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

gah! I cannot get to the video from the computer I am on, but please look up nurse Blake's skills checkoff. Honestly, it's how every person in my cohort feels during skills check off and we are in our 4th semester. They video tape us so everyone can see the good and bad after which doesn't help! But honestly, it is totally normal. The video lets you see how normal it is and how we must actually look to our poor instructors!! ?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment