Ever since I was really young- all I ever wanted to be when I grew-up was/is to be a registered nurse. I've even taken a part-time nursing assistant position (three times a week) at a local hospital after my first year of nursing school- because I felt the more interactions I've had with the patients and staff the more comfortable I'd become at it. Big mistake! I hate it even more now. But no one knows it because I NEVER complain and ALWAYS treat all the patients with the outmost respect, kindness, dignity, promptly answer all call-lights, do my diaper changes on time, work well with the nurses. Therefore, management and everyone else I work with always assume, compliment and express how much of a great nurse I will be. Unfortunately for me I hate this field to the corps, I hate dealing with feces, urine, vomit, lifting people and having to work on a floor where I am the only nursing assistant- having to be responsible for so many clients who are complete care. I am so burned-out and so done that sometimes I want to commit suicide. I hated the whole hospital scene from the moment I started orientation last year, but hoped that my feelings would change after a few months, sadly, they haven't changed, DON'T think they ever will. This job depresses me so much I can't begin to tell you how ill it makes me, my anxiety level rises to the roof each time I have to go to work. Now that I have graduated from ADN nursing school, thank God! But, I don't want to have anything to do with this profession call nursing. I am presently studying for the NCLEX in order to be licensed but I don't really want to practice nursing, at least not in a hospital setting. Another thing that saddens and disgusts me is the lack of supports among nurses which was shocking to me, the constant back-stabbings, and the endless gossiping make me sick to my stomach. I work so hard to get to this point, finishing nursing school was a challenge while raising a family and now I really despise it. How do I break this news to my husband and close relatives? I never thought I could hate a job as much as I do this one. Every one always tells me that one day I will be rewarded for doing what I do, but I don't see it happening. Finally, another point I would like to make is that at my local hospital, there isn't a major difference between the NA's and the RN's job's description other than maybe the RN's pay check. PLEASE HELP ME at liking and appreciating nursing for what it is.
I think you have a deep appreciation for nursing. You wouldn't have tried so long if you didn't. However, just someone has an appreciation for nursing doesn't mean that they have to like it. I love being a nurse, and unlike you, I love the clinical aspect of it. I love caring for my patients, and can't think of anything else I would rather do. HOWEVER, I hate, hate, hate paperwork. I don't see how anyone could sit behind behind a desk and do paperwork all day. That being said, all members of the healthcare team are extremely important. Yes, the pt. needs a nurse to physically care for them, but they need their case manager as well. All the nurses that make the huge decisions, but don't really do a lot of physical pt. care are an absolute neccesity. If it were not for them, I wouldn't have any pt.'s to care for. You could be a researcher, a case manager, the possibilities are virtually endless. OR, you could just switch departments. There are units in which you don't really have to deal with the things. I do agree with the above post that if you have truly contemplated suicide, you need to speak with someone on a professional level. And no, although allnurses.com is awesome in every way shape and form, someone a bit more non-nursy would be an excellant idea. God Bless!:heartbeat
Take heart Barlan- be assured, you are not stuck in your current position forever! Nursing is wonderful in that it has many avenues to be explored. First, you are dealing with a lot of anxiety and sounds like you are depressed. Maybe talk to a counselor to deal with the stress until you can change your situation. There are sooooo many jobs you can have (esp. once you become a RN) you are bound to find one you like. I've had some I hated so much I just wanted to walk out the door, but I finally found my "place" I like. You have had a lot of expectations built up in your mind about being a nurse, and unfortunately the reality you are dealing with now is not what you wished for. It's not all bad though- be patient, take good care of yourself, and things WILL get better. :redbeathe
After I recieved my LPN years ago, I felt the same way. In my hospital LPN's were used as CNA's (which prompted me to go to RN school, but it's still a stupid waste of skilled nurses)
Anyway, I was at the point where I was spending hours online trying to find a different career path away from nursing. These things you describe (hateful nurses, unsupportive management) happen in some way everywhere.
The best advice I ever received was from my father who said, "How can you expect it to get any better if everyone who cares leaves?" It was a point well taken and I am 10 years strong in my career.
The point is, some things in nursing will never change (feces, urine, vomit, blood) But there ARE things that can be changed with enough strong nurses leading the charge.
I agree with the other posters who wrote that NO job is worth contemplating suicide. And in that regard, please seek help.:icon_hug:
Specializes in Ortho/neuro, LTC, med-surg, stroke.
i know how u feel- really. if u have a pastor please confide in him/her. i had to do that. i really hated my job ltc at my old facility and when i left: i sang hallelujah! a 500 # gorrilla from the bad place was lifted off and i fetlt free. there are alot of places an RN can go that LPn cant. maybe try a md office- a specialty office if hosp isnt what u like. or try ltc---- its nice when a little resident thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread b/c u care enuff to give her a lax!!!!!! take a little vacation/ time off to look at some options....... it will all work out...... wish u luck!!!!:wink2::icon_hug:
Specializes in LTC, Rehab, Skilled Nursing, Management.
Well, first of all, I want to congratulate you on being able to juggle family, school and a job. That in itself is stressful! I would however speak to a counselor about the anxiety. Some is normal, but not to the point of thinking about suicide and hating life.
I agree with the poster who said don't make any major changes til you are done with the NCLEX. After that point, look at other job possibilites. That really can make a HUGE difference! I've been in a hospital position that really burnt me out on the nursing field, but went elsewhere and honestly felt renewed. I'm sure having the stress of school, family and being the only aide on a floor added to your negative feelings! There are so many different settings you can be in as a nurse.... Pediatric home care can be nice for some. You have one client all shift, some have many technologies such as trach, G-tube, vent, others not much. Anyhow, the demands through the shift are generally much less. Often the lifting consists of lifting a baby or toddler. Other nurses go with their client to school during the day. That may appeal to you. Maybe a clinic setting would be something you'd like more. Umm... MDS, if you want to just deal with paperwork stuff. In other words, there are many different career paths you can take as a nurse. Don't stay in a job you hate! If you try different jobs and still find that you despise life as a nurse, talk to a career counselor at the college you went for your nursing degree or some other college in the area.
Good luck with everything. I hope things start looking up for you.
Specializes in Nursing Ed, Ob/GYN, AD, LTC, Rehab.
Dont give up yet. Nursing jobs can vary so much Im SURE there is a nursing job out there for you that will fit you to a T. Get creative browse the help wanted and see whats out there and dont settle for anything but a great job. It can be found!
"You will have more options as an RN than you would as a CNA"
But the backstabbing and other problems still exist.
My advice....move on. Don't stay in the hospital. Avoid med/surg.
Good luck. After many years of nursing I can say that I hate what goes on. I am ok with the work and content with taking care of patients....when I can. I can't stand what the industry has done and the atmosphere created by childish petty backstabbing personalities.
I'm with you 100% on this. After investing thousands of dollars in the BSN program over three years ago I am still having a hard time adjusting and am sorry I ever did this. Hospital nursing is probably not for you. There are many other areas of nursing you should look into. I am now doing correctional nursing and it is far less stressful. Don't give it up until you try other areas of nursing. You can work in a hospital without being a floor nurse. Look into case manager or maybe working in a smaller unit like dialysis or cath lab. Some hospitals have admissions nurses where all you do is admit new patients. It can take a while before you find the right spot for you. Good luck.
I also despised nursing at first. It took 2 years, 2 hospitals, and jumping from ICU (hated it) to Med-Surg (liked a little better) and now I am in wound care and love it. But I sympathize with you.
Some units can be nasty, back-stabbing groups of people (my first 2 ICU units).
Some units can be wonderful, with great people and a team mentality (my med-surg unit)
So, you may have to jump around a little to find your niche or a unit you like.
But as others have said, please consider seeing a counselor to discuss your anxiety issues, and talk to your doctor about possible meds.
I am a flight paramedic, and I hit a cap on my carreer so I am going to nursing school so I can furthur my education. In the future I can teach, go to a specialty (NP, Nurse anesthesia etc..)
I think everyone has to put in their time, and I know that noone LIKES To play in other peoples' blood and vomit.
Another option for you is to fly....Once you get your time in, flying has all offline progressive protocols depending on where you work. My partner on the helicopter is a nurse and we are trained equally. She can intubate, put in chest tubes, doesn't have to ask for orders for ANY medication and there are 74 medications on our drug box. This is a great opportunity, and every partner I have had (which are all nurses) say the best part is the liberal protocols and not having a doctor looking over your shoulder all the time.
There are options...hand in there. If you are that depressed, though, change carreers! There is no need to be miserable. A job is only a little portion of who you are, and if it takes everything from you, its not worth it.
I understand that you currently hate nursing, but there are other options and choices in nursing. What about doing home health, or work at a doctors office. Unfortunately you will probably get back stabbers and not so great supervisors that you will work with, but that will come with any job. Like some of the others have said take your test, then take a break for a while to gather yourself up and think about what you really want to do and you enjoy to do. :)
Keepstanding, ASN, RN
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