Ever since I was really young- all I ever wanted to be when I grew-up was/is to be a registered nurse. I've even taken a part-time nursing assistant position (three times a week) at a local hospital after my first year of nursing school- because I felt the more interactions I've had with the patients and staff the more comfortable I'd become at it. Big mistake! I hate it even more now. But no one knows it because I NEVER complain and ALWAYS treat all the patients with the outmost respect, kindness, dignity, promptly answer all call-lights, do my diaper changes on time, work well with the nurses. Therefore, management and everyone else I work with always assume, compliment and express how much of a great nurse I will be. Unfortunately for me I hate this field to the corps, I hate dealing with feces, urine, vomit, lifting people and having to work on a floor where I am the only nursing assistant- having to be responsible for so many clients who are complete care. I am so burned-out and so done that sometimes I want to commit suicide. I hated the whole hospital scene from the moment I started orientation last year, but hoped that my feelings would change after a few months, sadly, they haven't changed, DON'T think they ever will. This job depresses me so much I can't begin to tell you how ill it makes me, my anxiety level rises to the roof each time I have to go to work. Now that I have graduated from ADN nursing school, thank God! But, I don't want to have anything to do with this profession call nursing. I am presently studying for the NCLEX in order to be licensed but I don't really want to practice nursing, at least not in a hospital setting. Another thing that saddens and disgusts me is the lack of supports among nurses which was shocking to me, the constant back-stabbings, and the endless gossiping make me sick to my stomach. I work so hard to get to this point, finishing nursing school was a challenge while raising a family and now I really despise it. How do I break this news to my husband and close relatives? I never thought I could hate a job as much as I do this one. Every one always tells me that one day I will be rewarded for doing what I do, but I don't see it happening. Finally, another point I would like to make is that at my local hospital, there isn't a major difference between the NA's and the RN's job's description other than maybe the RN's pay check. PLEASE HELP ME at liking and appreciating nursing for what it is.
One of the great things about nursing is that there are so many different specialty areas inside and outside of the hospital setting. If the hospital setting is not for you maybe you could consider home health care or being a school nurse, industrial nursing, or a doctors office. In the hospital setting you could consider surgery, recovery, OB, or nursing education. I would also have to agree that there is a big difference in being an RN and a CNA. From personal experience the reward in nursing comes when a patient looks you in the eye and says "thank you for saving my life".
On the other hand nursing isn't for every one and there is no shame in admitting that it is just not the job for you, but I still agree that before you give it up completely get some professional help and make sure that nursing is really the root of your anxiety. You have already come so far.
Congrats on your ADN and the best of luck in everything you do!!
There are so many areas of nursing, from interventional radiology to neonatal, labor and delivery, to psychiatric. There are visiting nurses, 1/2 way home, group home, assisted living I could go on and on.
Always have a "real life" outside the hospital. I do not even associate with the people I work with, but get along very well with them at work.
Also NEVER bring the day home with you. I is a JOB not your life.
know "where of I speak" after 35 yrs. It was a long fought for knowledge and I wish someone had given it to me.
Nurses are all generally codependents. But we can't cure the world just make minute differences as we go along.
Thank you so much everyone for responding and caring. I just would like to clarify when I stated that I wanted to "commit suicide" it's meant more in a figure of speech--just to describe how much I despise the tasks that are involved in an NA job, as well as how boring and unchallenging this job is to me. Rather than actually hurting my self, I am happily married with children and love my family endlessly and they depend on me tremendously. So, I have no intention whatsoever to hurt my self- I guess I'll have to look for another more powerful word instead of suicide n the future.
I agree with all of you not give up my hard work as of yet, I will give nursing a chance and only if after trying different nursing positions and nothing works, will have no choice than tol move on and look into another carreer path until I find my niche.
Finally, for some of you who might have wondered what exactly I meant by there is no difference between an NA and RN is for the simple fact after the RNs are done dealing with mountains of paper work, rude and ungrateful family members, then they must do patients rounds with their Nursing Assistants and wipping poops, empty foleys and colostomies, all the things that I don't like. Certainly, there is a major difference between the two, but it seems the RNs are never done, way too much responsabilities.:bowingpur
Specializes in ICU,HOME HEALTH, HOSPICE, HEALTH ED.
Barlan,
I do hear you. There were many times in my nursing career when I wanted to do something other than nursing. I didn't grow up wanting to be a nurse. But my mom was a happy nurse (labor and delivery and newborn nursery) and my older sister wanted to be a nurse too. My sister died at 17 in a car accident, so I took on her dream. There were many times I hated Nursing. Usually because of the particular unit I worked on. The people I worked with were really what made the most difference. But the setting and daily routine mattered too. Freedom from literal walls set me free from wanting to leave nursing. After 11 years of hospital based nursing--med surg, ICU, Same Day Surgery, telemetry, burn/isolation unit... I found Home Health Care nursing, then Hospice nursing. I love this work. Really getting to know patients and families. (and not too much exposure to vomit and poop)I really feel this nursing can make a difference--I know it has in me.
Hang in there. Give yourself time. Many nurses are not cut out for bedpan slinging, running after IVs, ducking barbs from other nurses running that frantic pace. My nursing school rommie vomited when her patients vomited and when she had to empty a bedpan. But,she was happy working many years in a OBGYN office.
The Journey by Mary Oliver
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice---
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
Your knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little, as you left their voices behind,
The level of distress you are experiencing at work tells me you need to talk to a professional about this. Make an apt. with your MD and talk to him/her about the level of anxiety you're experiencing.
Second, if you don't want to be a nurse, don't be one. But take your NCLEX and get licensed, it'll keep doors open for you career wise.
Finally, if it's where you are working, make a change ASAP.
Although I have seen some of the gossip among nurses, I see it among aides and management as well. However, by and large, my nursing coworkers are terrific and supportive. I've been going through a family crisis--my nephew was just dx with cancer and my co workers have been very supportive.
There ARE nursing environments that are supportive, I hope you can find one.
Ever since I was really young- all I ever wanted to be when I grew-up was/is to be a registered nurse. I've even taken a part-time nursing assistant position (three times a week) at a local hospital after my first year of nursing school- because I felt the more interactions I've had with the patients and staff the more comfortable I'd become at it. Big mistake! I hate it even more now. But no one knows it because I NEVER complain and ALWAYS treat all the patients with the outmost respect, kindness, dignity, promptly answer all call-lights, do my diaper changes on time, work well with the nurses. Therefore, management and everyone else I work with always assume, compliment and express how much of a great nurse I will be. Unfortunately for me I hate this field to the corps, I hate dealing with feces, urine, vomit, lifting people and having to work on a floor where I am the only nursing assistant- having to be responsible for so many clients who are complete care. I am so burned-out and so done that sometimes I want to commit suicide. I hated the whole hospital scene from the moment I started orientation last year, but hoped that my feelings would change after a few months, sadly, they haven't changed, DON'T think they ever will. This job depresses me so much I can't begin to tell you how ill it makes me, my anxiety level rises to the roof each time I have to go to work. Now that I have graduated from ADN nursing school, thank God! But, I don't want to have anything to do with this profession call nursing. I am presently studying for the NCLEX in order to be licensed but I don't really want to practice nursing, at least not in a hospital setting. Another thing that saddens and disgusts me is the lack of supports among nurses which was shocking to me, the constant back-stabbings, and the endless gossiping make me sick to my stomach. I work so hard to get to this point, finishing nursing school was a challenge while raising a family and now I really despise it. How do I break this news to my husband and close relatives? I never thought I could hate a job as much as I do this one. Every one always tells me that one day I will be rewarded for doing what I do, but I don't see it happening. Finally, another point I would like to make is that at my local hospital, there isn't a major difference between the NA's and the RN's job's description other than maybe the RN's pay check. PLEASE HELP ME at liking and appreciating nursing for what it is.
Try another hospital..another type of nursing. I HATED floor nursing and I'm so much better in an ICU. Yes, more intense pts, but you know way more about them and can provide better care, I think.
I have spoken to someone recently regarding my anxiety and fear and she stated since I've never had any depression and anxiety issues prior to working as an N.A- she says she thinks that my depression and anxiety are comming soly from the work that I do- and because I feel so trapped in it- this can cause a great level of sadness.
What I find amazing is that even though nursing school was challenging while raising a family, I never once felt sad or experienced such level of anxiety. In fact, I always looked forward to attend class and clinical equally.
I adore my family and my husband, although I feel bad confessing that nursing isn't what I want to do. Seriously, I would not do anything to cause them any kind of sadness as I already mentioned above they depend on me for love and a sense of stability in their lives and my husband is so wonderful, therefore, he only deserves a good partner.
Venting was my inention and I never meant to cause such a scare, but I did listen to your input and saw a mental health professional (shrink) yesterday. And I was pretty honest with her. So I could find out what is causing to feel so sad.
I agree with the responses that advise some counseling/therapy. The fact that you keep persevering in an area that you hate so much is disturbing. Sure, everyone is telling you you're doing a great job, and I am sure you are. Until you snap. Someone is eventually going to pay the price for your misery, most likely it will be you. If you have family that depends on you they will aslo suffer if you are miserable. The fact that you mention suidcide really scares me. Please, get some help. Nursing is a great profession, and it is rewarding to help people. But any job done well with integrity is noble. If all the garbage collectors disappeared from the face of the earth, we'd be in big trouble. You don't have to be a nurse. You can be anything you want, but until you get some help you may have a difficult time understanding your own needs.
Rae83
31 Posts
One of the great things about nursing is that there are so many different specialty areas inside and outside of the hospital setting. If the hospital setting is not for you maybe you could consider home health care or being a school nurse, industrial nursing, or a doctors office. In the hospital setting you could consider surgery, recovery, OB, or nursing education. I would also have to agree that there is a big difference in being an RN and a CNA. From personal experience the reward in nursing comes when a patient looks you in the eye and says "thank you for saving my life".
On the other hand nursing isn't for every one and there is no shame in admitting that it is just not the job for you, but I still agree that before you give it up completely get some professional help and make sure that nursing is really the root of your anxiety. You have already come so far.
Congrats on your ADN and the best of luck in everything you do!!