Barlan

Thanks everyone for your in depth replies. I will try to stick with it and understand I am new to this role and have so much to learn. But it so hard when one is trying her best and it feels it is not good enough. ONe day last we had a meeting with the nurse educator, the NM and my preceptor. Most of the concern my preceptor has raaised is time management she says she sees how careful and safe I am when given meds she's not worried. Honestly, I agree with her but I over check and recheck several times when it comes to meds. But she says if I check twice no need to check a third time because this method is slowing me down. When I have so much to do at times I just froze not knowing what to do first and my preceptor comes along "move it, move it". Next week when we sit down again, I will admit to my NM, Nurse educator that I am a bit overwhelmed and take it from there. Again, it is great to know that I am not alone and thanks so very much to all of you for responding and for giving me hope. I will keep you all posted. Barlan

1) i work in a med surgical floor. 2) i have one preceptor and she has 18 years of experience, well respected among her peers. 3) my orientation is 10 to 12 weeks long. i am on my 4th week. 4) i lack time management, experience, knowledge about most meds, the different types of iv pumps, machines, cannot remember where everything is, the various paper works 5) i recently passed my boards and have been working as rn for a 6 weeks 6) one of my strength is that i have good interaction with the patients and family, a team player, someone who is willing work hard and learn. my weaknesses are i am getting intimidated very easily, terrified of making mistakes, very slow at everything, whether is passing meds, triple check meds before and after drug administration, mortified someone will die on my watch because i don’t understand what i am doing. 7) i feel comfortable with my preceptor, i share a lot of my concern with her and she usually replies welcome to the real world of nursing. i don’t trust my nurse manager as most of them are backstabbers who mostly look at for management. what i’ve realized is that the hospital care more about how many patients you can take each week, more about speed rather than safety. ps. thank you for your quick response. looking forward to your post.

Hello everyone. Okay here it is! I am a recent grad and newly licensed registered nurse, studied for a few months and took my boards late August, thank God I passed on my first try. Fast-forward a year and half ago, during my last year of nursing school I took a part-time NA position at a reputable local hospital, but shortly after being hired, I was so disappointed at what I saw that I wanted to quit nursing completely, became profoundly depressed, truly hated being there. The lack of care, the politics, the backstabbing I've witnessed made me question my decision to become a nurse, but after countless of soul searching, seeking professional help and finding out the true cause of my depression. I am back and determine to be the best nurse that I can be. I left the previous hospital and took a nursing position after passing my boards and. Despite my previous experience, I was very optimistic and very enthusiastic to start. SO I THOUGHT UNTIL I STARTED ORIENTATION A MONTH AGO. I honestly feel that I cannot do this, at least not in a hospital setting. As a brand new nurse, I truly feel unprepared for the fast pace and pressured orientation that is provided. I am constantly being pulled or thrown into situations that have no idea about; I started initially with two patients and every week one more patient is added. It is so overwhelming that there are times I don't even do my daily assessment because I've no time. 99% of the time I don't get anything to eat until 4:30 or 5pm. At times, we are so busy that we only take half an hour while we're being deducted one hour. I gave an IV push without my preceptor's presence, she didn't even bother to ask whether I knew the steps, just guess the needle and syringe to use. Thank God I knew that it has to be a 2-minute process. Endless paper work and MD orders, winning family members that make my head spin and unexpected deviations that can change or ruin your day. Every time I think I understand something the next day I go it seems I didn't learn a thing. My preceptor keeps on saying "hang in there honey". Frankly, I can't keep up with the constant changes. I hate the fact that I have no time to compare the MAR with the patient's main chart like we were shown in school. I feel my license which I work so hard for is at risk. So my question to you all is, should I leave the hospital and go work for a nursing home where things are more routine and the pts are more stable. I truly feel that I don't make any difference while in the hospital. I don't even have time to speak to my patients because I've been told that I must learn to cut them short. I have been giving this a lot of thoughts should I hang around a little longer. Please understand that I love my patients and always wanted to become a nurse and am heart-broken. I've discharged several pts without assessing them. Every coworker in my unit is cutting corners. As a new grade I should be given thorough orientation I feel cheated. Is that orientation usually goes because a lot other orientees share the same concern. Please help I need guidance.:angryfire

I have spoken to someone recently regarding my anxiety and fear and she stated since I've never had any depression and anxiety issues prior to working as an N.A- she says she thinks that my depression and anxiety are comming soly from the work that I do- and because I feel so trapped in it- this can cause a great level of sadness. What I find amazing is that even though nursing school was challenging while raising a family, I never once felt sad or experienced such level of anxiety. In fact, I always looked forward to attend class and clinical equally. I adore my family and my husband, although I feel bad confessing that nursing isn't what I want to do. Seriously, I would not do anything to cause them any kind of sadness as I already mentioned above they depend on me for love and a sense of stability in their lives and my husband is so wonderful, therefore, he only deserves a good partner. Venting was my inention and I never meant to cause such a scare, but I did listen to your input and saw a mental health professional (shrink) yesterday. And I was pretty honest with her. So I could find out what is causing to feel so sad.

Thank you so much everyone for responding and caring. I just would like to clarify when I stated that I wanted to "commit suicide" it's meant more in a figure of speech--just to describe how much I despise the tasks that are involved in an NA job, as well as how boring and unchallenging this job is to me. Rather than actually hurting my self, I am happily married with children and love my family endlessly and they depend on me tremendously. So, I have no intention whatsoever to hurt my self- I guess I'll have to look for another more powerful word instead of suicide n the future. I agree with all of you not give up my hard work as of yet, I will give nursing a chance and only if after trying different nursing positions and nothing works, will have no choice than tol move on and look into another carreer path until I find my niche. Finally, for some of you who might have wondered what exactly I meant by there is no difference between an NA and RN is for the simple fact after the RNs are done dealing with mountains of paper work, rude and ungrateful family members, then they must do patients rounds with their Nursing Assistants and wipping poops, empty foleys and colostomies, all the things that I don't like. Certainly, there is a major difference between the two, but it seems the RNs are never done, way too much responsabilities.:bowingpur

Ever since I was really young- all I ever wanted to be when I grew-up was/is to be a registered nurse. I've even taken a part-time nursing assistant position (three times a week) at a local hospital after my first year of nursing school- because I felt the more interactions I've had with the patients and staff the more comfortable I'd become at it. Big mistake! I hate it even more now. But no one knows it because I NEVER complain and ALWAYS treat all the patients with the outmost respect, kindness, dignity, promptly answer all call-lights, do my diaper changes on time, work well with the nurses. Therefore, management and everyone else I work with always assume, compliment and express how much of a great nurse I will be. Unfortunately for me I hate this field to the corps, I hate dealing with feces, urine, vomit, lifting people and having to work on a floor where I am the only nursing assistant- having to be responsible for so many clients who are complete care. I am so burned-out and so done that sometimes I want to commit suicide. I hated the whole hospital scene from the moment I started orientation last year, but hoped that my feelings would change after a few months, sadly, they haven't changed, DON'T think they ever will. This job depresses me so much I can't begin to tell you how ill it makes me, my anxiety level rises to the roof each time I have to go to work. Now that I have graduated from ADN nursing school, thank God! But, I don't want to have anything to do with this profession call nursing. I am presently studying for the NCLEX in order to be licensed but I don't really want to practice nursing, at least not in a hospital setting. Another thing that saddens and disgusts me is the lack of supports among nurses which was shocking to me, the constant back-stabbings, and the endless gossiping make me sick to my stomach. I work so hard to get to this point, finishing nursing school was a challenge while raising a family and now I really despise it. How do I break this news to my husband and close relatives? I never thought I could hate a job as much as I do this one. Every one always tells me that one day I will be rewarded for doing what I do, but I don't see it happening. Finally, another point I would like to make is that at my local hospital, there isn't a major difference between the NA's and the RN's job's description other than maybe the RN's pay check. PLEASE HELP ME at liking and appreciating nursing for what it is.