So, I'm a fairly new nurse, practicing just over a year. Can I get through a day? Yes. Do I like my job? Most days. Do I sometimes feel like I made a terrible mistake going into nursing? Yup!
Here's the thing. I cry when I am stressed out. I've cried before on the job, and I get through it. But it makes me feel like less of a nurse, and frankly, like less of a person, for crying. Yesterday, I had a case load of 5 patients (typical), but 3 of them, were time-consuming, constantly ringing their call bells, and one of them, on top of this, was just plain psycho. She demanded a PCA, an egg crate mattress to sleep on, a tennis ball to sit on (to release her puriformis muscle), a massage, 20 mg oxycodone, 2 mg Morphine, 5 mg Valium, AND POT BROWNIES! Seriously. She was just too much to handle. She was a nervous wreck, and an absolute psycho.
So, when bell-ringer (not psycho) was ringing her bell because she was in pain, was uncomfortable, and wanted to know if her soda was diet and what narcotics she would be going home with...
Mr. can't help himself was ringing so I could move his fan 2 inches to the left, move his blanket three inches down because it was too high on his chest, and so I could hold his member in a urinal with tissues in it so it didn't hurt (HE CAN DO THIS HIMSELF)...
And psycho was demanding all of the aforementioned things and services...
I cried.
I made a cup of tea, ran into my boss, chatted with my charge nurse, all while crying. And I felt like less of a nurse, less of a person, the whole time.
So, I've been doing this a year--and while all of the people I graduated with are already precepting new nurses, and thinking about becoming charge nurses, I'm crying in the nutrition room because I'm stressed out, and I'm worried that I've picked the wrong career. I like what I do. Most days, I come home excited about my job and what I've done and seen all day long. But then I wonder, why can't a I keep it together at work?! I'm a strong willed, headstrong person. But, when I'm stressed, I cry. And I feel like less of a nurse.
What do I do? Is there something wrong with me crying? Am I in the wrong career field? Is it okay that I don't feel ready to precept new nurses when I feel like I'm still so new and still have so many questions myself?
P.S., I work on a very busy post-op/ortho floor. 36 beds, patient load is 5, but we see 7-9 a day due to discharges and new post-op admissions. Do I just need a change of scenery? My goal was once to work in the CCU. And I still want to... Am I thinking in the wrong direction? With higher intensity, less patients?
Just looking for any feedback or suggestions, or just let me know I'm not the only one who cries at work!
I really think hospitals and nursing homes should hire people whose only job is to answer call lights, enter the the things requested into a tablet, and then let the nurse log into the system to prioritize and take care of things. That way the nurse doesn't feel like he/she has a million things going on at once.
Your not the only one. When I was a newer nurse occasionally the stress would really get to me, fluster me, a doctor yelled at me, a charge nurse yelled at me etc and if I had a patient that wasn't doing well (but DNR so no recusitation) I would get teary, and occasionally cry when I had a ****** day. Over time however, it is very very rare where a stressful day will make me cry. Actually only emotional moments with patients and families where I've bonded with them and they die is when I will cry. But codes, annoying patients, emergencies...nah doesn't happen anymore. actually I love those situations! I just go into "go mode", or when Mr J the alcoholic calls me bi&$* for the millionth time I just turn around and roll my eyes.
You say maybe nursing isn't for you. Could be, but I really doubt thats true. You work on a busy ortho floor. I did that when I first started nursing for a year. I got through my shifts, but i HATED IT. I hated the patient populations. They need you for every single thing. And its legitimate because they have had hip and knee surgeries, but on an understaffed floor it was too stressful. The thing is, I didn't really realize I hated it until I started working in the step down unit ( I was in a med/surge float pool but floated to oath all the time because of short staffing). They oriented me to step down, which I loved! Still stressful, but in a different way. These patients were sicker and really needed me! Not to say your ortho patients don't, but I just really liked step down better. I had fewer patients, and they were sicker. Eventually I got into an ICU preceptorship and Ive never left and that was 9 years ago. Being an ICU nurse is still stressful, but in such a different way. Ortho is back breaking work. Even with the recent trend of "safe patient handling", the use of lifts and assistive devises, it is one of the most back breaking, physical units to work on.
So that being said, I think it would be worth looking into trying to find a different specialty now that you have a little experience under you. Look for fellowships that will train you to work in specialty units, like ICU, cath lab, pediatrics, NICU, L&D. Or even working in a doctors office or telehealth type stuff, some people just don't like hospital nursing. What really actually interested you when you were a student? Seek those areas out. it will still be stressful learning a new specialty but when you have the mindset that "hey I really like this, its challenging, but I still like it!", you won't want to cry because you had a bad day.
As for the crying, sometimes the best thing to do when you feel on the verge of tears, is just walk by a co-worker, say "can you listen out for my patients for 5 minutes, I'm running to the bathroom", you can hold it hopefully until then, and when you close the door, let it out. Sometimes all you need to get your head back in the game is to have a good quick cry, wipe up the tears, take a deep breath and then you can get back at it.
But I really suggest you seek out something different
I cried, frequently. If someone gets through their first year without tearing up they are an iceberg. When I see coworkers cry it doesn't worry me at all, it's when they don't gather themselves and come back out swinging that makes me concerned.
I think transferring to CCU might help you. I am an ICU nurse and my worst nights are the same as yours - the nights I have the call bell riders. You still get some of them in ICU/CCU, but the most of them you're going to have at a time is two, maybe three if the unit is really short staffed, and a lot of the time you won't have anyone at all because both of your patients could be vented.
The last time I cried at work was when I got into an argument with a confused patient who was sure he was on a boat. He wanted to speak to my commanding officer, I said I didn't have one, I had to have one because this was a military boat, we weren't on a boat but a hospital.... ugh, it just went on and on and on to the point that I just ended up walking out in tears and being really short with the tele monitor who called for the fifth time to tell me his pulse ox wasn't on. Yep, and it wasn't going back on, either, because he was convinced it was all a conspiracy and I just said forget it, he's too strong for me to tie down alone and I'm not tying him down over a pulse ox. That stuff frustrates me a lot more than the codes.
You've hit your year - why don't you go ahead and apply to an open position that interests you? They might just say yes. :)
The last time I cried was when I had 3 patients in an ICU stepdown unit who were GI bleeders-all 3 of them. For 12 hours I did nothing else but clean up bloody poop. As soon as I would try to chart on one patient, another call bell would go off for another patient who had not made it to the bedside commode or who had gone in the bed. It was truly a nightmare day, and I ended up staying a full hour and half late just to get all my charting done. When I got home, I cried hard for awhile and decided I was going PRN, and I notified my unit manager the very next day.
It's not the acuity that stressing me out. Codes, I'm good. PA cut too much out of an abdominal wound he's bleeding profusely? Grab some suction. Patient possibly aspirated while vomiting? Ausculate, oxygen. Not an issue. Just emotions, and absolutes a**holes that make me cry.
I'm the same way. I cry when frustrated, happy, sad, mad, everything, and it sucks! Give me high acuity crashing people all day. Give me multiple people ******** at me like your set of patients and I'd be in the supply room crying or considering punching the wall.
The last time I cried was when I had 3 patients in an ICU stepdown unit who were GI bleeders-all 3 of them. For 12 hours I did nothing else but clean up bloody poop. As soon as I would try to chart on one patient, another call bell would go off for another patient who had not made it to the bedside commode or who had gone in the bed. It was truly a nightmare day, and I ended up staying a full hour and half late just to get all my charting done. When I got home, I cried hard for awhile and decided I was going PRN, and I notified my unit manager the very next day.
Yeah, looking back on it just in writing about this, I wonder how I ended up getting 3 GI bleeders. Maybe I'd pissed off whomever was charge that day, lol.
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Purple_roses
1,763 Posts
I really think hospitals and nursing homes should hire people whose only job is to answer call lights, enter the the things requested into a tablet, and then let the nurse log into the system to prioritize and take care of things. That way the nurse doesn't feel like he/she has a million things going on at once.