Do any of you have trouble caring about what patients, residents, or anybody does anymore?
Today the nurse on 3rd shift was telling me that so and so just will not get out of bed anymore. All I could do is look at her and say I do not care.
If she wants to lay in that bed and rot let her. I have talked until I am blue in the face with this A&O X 3 resident and she chooses to not get out of bed. I am sick and tired of teaching people and they do not do a single thing I ask them to do.
I think that the residents, management, and my co-workers have sucked the passion of nursing out of me to the point that I do not think that I will ever care about a whole lot again. The well of compassion is dry and I do not think that it will ever fill up again. Oh, I will give good nursing care to my residents and their needs will be met one way or another, but that little bit extra will not be there. This breaks my heart in a way, but I can no longer get enough energy to do anything about it.
What do the rest of you do when you can no longer give a care anymore?
We, as nurses, tend to take out job too personally. After all, we are dealing with flesh and blood....the very basics of life. But when burn-out sets in, you want to say to h**l with flesh and blood and everything else. Nurses are different from nurses aides. I respect what aids due but it is the nurse who is held responsible for EVERYTHING!!! We are forced to care about people who do not care about us; that's what makes us special. Just wait until you get the call in the hospital from your very-well educated patient that says I need to see my nurse and no she cannot bring me anything and when you get to them, their comment is, "my air conditioner is not working properly and hasn't been all day." And you are like W-T-F!!!!!! It is 3am in the morning, you have not begun to chart anything on the fast approaching end to a 12-hour shift because your patients keep calling you for non-nursing things that the secretary could have taken care of...but NO!!!!!!!! They have GOT to see their nurse.
My solution to days (in my case, nights like that), I never work 2 days in a row anymore. I work M-W-F or T-T-S as a prn nurse on med/surg floors. Working prn means that you work only when you feel like you can handle the BS for that day! Look into it! When I started breaking those days up like that, my husband began to remember why he married me in the first place! Also, my kids are grown so I work just enough to pay my bills....the more I want, the more I had to work. So I quickly weened out a lot of the things that I could truly live without! My life is so much better now. You have to change your focus because the patients are not going to change. They want what they want when they want it or they threaten lawsuit. We are nurse because we are the only ones who can deal with people like that. Your A&O X3 resident is in a nursing home for a reason. If that person has family, the family probably could not deal with the behavior so they would rather pay someone else to put up with that. This is just one scenario, of course. I loved working Geriatrics but I had to leave it because administration expect you to do the impossible with some of these folks even when they or the families cannot and the resident AND nurse are the ones to suffer. If possible, try working part-time there and part-time somewhere else. I actually looked at getting 5 part-time jobs at one point because of the severe burnout. I figured I could only look at a given job on one day a week!:angryfire But that is taking it to the extreme. Take a vacation and try to break up your days. Remember...YANA (You Are Not Alone)!
I wouldn't care about someone making an informed decision to remain in bed regardless. I would respect the person's wish and not try to undermine her autonomy, being sure to document appropriately.
Unless you have trouble caring when something truly tragic happens (e.g. a kitten or toddler gets hit by a freight train) I just don't see what the problem is. It does sound like you might benefit from a vacation and/or change in setting, though.
jb, is it possible that you are stuck in textbook theory of nsg...
meaning for example, if a pt is isolated, we would have a bunch of interventions that we'd care plan.
the problem is, often these interventions do not work in the real world.
and, while there may be a blurb about a pt's right to exercise self-determination, ever notice that these text book interventions, never seem to consider a pt's self-will?
welcome to the reality theory of nsg...
where we realize and accept there is only so much power we have.
that our chronically depressed or demanding pts will not change:
and we only have so much to give.
reality is recognizing that we cannot be all things to all people.
we won't become overburdened when we can fully accept our limitations.
i'm just wondering if you are truly being realistic with yourself.
I agree that it IS difficult to muster up the care and concern for those who do not care about themselves. In my psych setting, patients are FORCED to get out of bed(by staff having to physically placing hands on the patient) and attend psychiatric treatment sessions. If they don't take their psych meds orally, then IM back-up meds are given. So much for patient rights, eh? At times it feels like we're in the middle ages in our setting!!!!
Like others suggested, take a vacation---and it sounds as though you have one planned---and pamper yourself. If those don't work, change work settings if possible.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
You know what is best for you. I can relate to not wanting interaction with other people besides my family. I do not like to be around a bunch of people when I'm off work. I just want to chill out at home with my hubby and kids. I think that our psyche is so darned expended from being around difficult people that we want to avoid any kind of confrontations or any kind of interaction that requires us to have to have any kind of empathy for others.
We live in a small town and I dread going to the grocery store or local fast food place because I invariably run into someone that has to tell me about soandso's health issues or someone died. There's this one man I dread seeing because he's like a walking obituary, he tells you everyone that has died within the last 50 freaking years!!!! ARGH! Yeah, I'm kinda weird too.
You know, I've been in healthcare for 15 years, and I never thought of my own social life (or lack thereof) in those terms before. Makes all kinds of sense, though.
Before I started nursing school, I used to be involved in all sorts of community projects, church, Job's Daughters etc., but for years now I've preferred staying home. I'm not depressed or antisocial; I simply would rather be here in my own space, surrounded by my family and pets, than anywhere else on earth. I have friends, but most of them are here at Allnurses, where I don't have to worry about keeping lunch dates or attending parties.
Now I understand why. I give and give and give at work, and I guess it takes more out of me than I give it credit for. In fact, I often find myself letting personal and family matters go that really should be confronted, because I don't like confrontations and I lack the energy to deal with the fallout that may result.
This is why I'm taking a "stay-cation" in the middle of a slack economic time......even though I can't afford to "get away from it all", home is very much a haven for me and thus I'll be renewed and refreshed when I go back to work late next week. I would advise the OP to take some time for herself as well; it's amazing how much your mind clears and your perspective changes with a little time away from the job.
Thank you everyone for your well thought out and kind responses to my post. I have had some things happen both at work and with my personal life that have me at the end of my rope. I am exhausted physically, mentally, and spritually. I will be taking a vacation very soon. I hope that this will help me redefine my personal boundries so that everyone does not drain me dry. Also, I think that I am going to start doing something to be kind to myself daily.
I canunderstand your frustration, thats why I left nursing for 5 months 2 yrs ago. I only returned to nursing for a part time teaching job. I remembered why I love nursing. Yes I still teach and I am working on being able to teach full time, but I have a renewed spirtit that no vacation could replace. I still work long term care and I still have nights I want to go home screaming, then I have a clinical rotation with a group of eager new nurses and I remember the time when I too felt that way. Your burn out you need to try nursing in a different area before totaly giving up. You may just not be where your heart wants you to be.:redbeathe
First of all I want to say that I am not a nurse. I was reading all of your posts from the day of the first one and I must say that they are pretty bad, and they just seem to get worse and worse with each one. You are on a downward spiral to a possible depression if you do not make some immediate changes in your life. It almost made me cry to see how your state of mind (and your situation) from last year to now hasn't changed much and how your soul is aching for some sort of freedom from it all. You must be miserable.
I do not know what it is like to be a nurse, but I can tell you that if you cannot change your work enviroment right now, you have to work on changing the way you look at things. Its easier said than done, but you have to learn how to be indifferent. It doesn't mean to not care, but to just adjust your attitude to one of detachment to all the issues of others. Stop letting your emotions and what you believe is right and wrong take over your perception of how you think things should be, and just let things be as they are and do the best job you can without getting so wound up about it. Let it all be and just know that one day you will be out of there and you have to work hard on getting out of there.
Try hard to look for another opportunity, nothing is worth what you have being done to you. You can't change things in nursing, but you can change the way youl ook at things. Try to be more positive. Maybe you can try yoga or meditation to help relieve some stress. When I get really stressed, in my mind I take deep breaths and just say, "I am at peace with myself and others". Don't let them get to you mama. Don't let THEM define what you are and who you will be. Try to go to a book store and go to the self help section. They have some awesome guides on how to not let life get you down.
I wanna see some happier posts of your situation. Life is not all that bad. Take a vacation and take that time to really assimulate your mind and spirit to function more peacefully and indifferent to what you cannot control. Rather than not care just know that each person has different backgrounds and different paths in life and react in different ways, and you can't control that or judge it, because you have only lived your life. In turn you cannot let it bother you, only change what you can and let the rest roll off your shoulder. Good luck to you, I hope and pray for you that things get better. That after the storm, will be a beautiful sunny day for you. Just have hope and faith. Do not despair or you reality will become that.:heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat
LOL at all the "anti-social" nurses on here -- because I have also become one of them. I also could NOT figure out for the life of me why I was behaving this way -- but now I get it. I just want to be home, alone, on my off days -- totally FREE, also, to just live in an unconstructed way. I like being with the family, and that's about it. I don't call anyone -- in fact, I sometimes avoid calls. I just don't want to "chat." Really hate chaos and crowds also.
I like my gardening, my computer, my errands, chores, and totally immersing myself in the family issues -- that's about it. Oh, and I like to watch TV. I get very absorbed in movies, and politics. All of these things get my mind off of work and make it seem less important.
I have never worried about helping these sorts of people. There are some that just cannot fight their demons. I don't feel sorry for them -- I think it's just the human condition. All of us have our habits, our addictions, areas of life that are out of control. I don't even judge them. In fact, I see them as more human than anything.
What I can't stand is people who try to make you think they're perfect. Those annoy me more, actually.
You can just educate, document that you did, and hope for the best. If you break challenges into small bits, perhaps you will give someone a start that can lead to something bigger.
First of all I want to say that I am not a nurse. I was reading all of your posts from the day of the first one and I must say that they are pretty bad, and they just seem to get worse and worse with each one.
I do not know what it is like to be a nurse,
>> Stop letting your emotions and what you believe is right and wrong take over your perception of how you think things should be, and just let things be as they are and do the best job you can without getting so wound up about it. Let it all be and just know that one day you will be out of there and you have to work hard on getting out of there.
>>> Try hard to look for another opportunity, nothing is worth what you have being done to you. You can't change things in nursing, but you can change the way you look at things. Try to be more positive.
I wanna see some happier posts of your situation. Life is not all that bad.
Simply put. Nursing is an extremely difficult and "self taxing" job. When I worked with other nurses, I remember having to take a few of them in the break room or off the floor and comfort them. Some of them really started to break down because they REALLY do care about their patients. Sometimes so much it truly affects them. I know..., I know.. that's not supposed to happen on TV but the reality is that it really does happen in real life....
Nurses often find comfort in one another because they are the only one's who can truly understand one another. Gawd... there are some damn good nurses I have worked with over the years... They truly, truly, deserve a shrine built for them in their name! Then again, I recall having a few nurses as patients on occasion I ended up taking the callbell away from too... just cause I can... :) ..It was all in fun anyways.
You see..., I say nursing is an extremely demanding "profession" because unlike a job with one boss to answer to, in nursing you have patients, their families, physicians, your co workers and management peers who are all sometimes demanding a very different set of expectations of you. ...At the same time in some cases.
99% of the time, the patient has no idea how many different angles of expectations are placed upon the nurse for the patients delivery of care when the "patient" is making their own expectations known to the nurse. They actually think their own expectations are the ONLY expectations that really matters.. when it really isn't...
So.. Yes.. the nurse sometimes becomes frustrated "inside"... They DO try to continue on their cheery little way, but sometimes different sets of expectations from different sources causes conflict. The burden is ALWAYS left on the nurse to deal with it all and make EVERYONE happy.. Which is impossible to do by the way.. It's no one's FAULT.. It's simply just not possible to accomplish the impossible...
It's not that nurses let their emotions and what they believe is right and wrong take over their perception of how THEY think things should be. On the contrary, rather it's in the fact there are several versions of Rights and Wrongs which are perceived by those who place "different" demanding expectations on them that is the problem...
Not sure how a person should "change the way they look at things" in this particular situation exactly but I am open to any suggestions.
I notice a lot of people feeling this way where I work. I think we are all tired. We have been dealing with the war in the middle east, terrorist threats, pandemic threats, economic struggles, a broken health care system, etc. for the last several years now. It's hard to get away from negativity these days.
It's not just the OP and a few people on allnurses. It's a large segment of the population.
You must be miserable. 
ladside, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN
162 Posts
We, as nurses, tend to take out job too personally. After all, we are dealing with flesh and blood....the very basics of life. But when burn-out sets in, you want to say to h**l with flesh and blood and everything else. Nurses are different from nurses aides. I respect what aids due but it is the nurse who is held responsible for EVERYTHING!!! We are forced to care about people who do not care about us; that's what makes us special. Just wait until you get the call in the hospital from your very-well educated patient that says I need to see my nurse and no she cannot bring me anything and when you get to them, their comment is, "my air conditioner is not working properly and hasn't been all day." And you are like W-T-F!!!!!! It is 3am in the morning, you have not begun to chart anything on the fast approaching end to a 12-hour shift because your patients keep calling you for non-nursing things that the secretary could have taken care of...but NO!!!!!!!! They have GOT to see their nurse.
My solution to days (in my case, nights like that), I never work 2 days in a row anymore. I work M-W-F or T-T-S as a prn nurse on med/surg floors. Working prn means that you work only when you feel like you can handle the BS for that day! Look into it! When I started breaking those days up like that, my husband began to remember why he married me in the first place! Also, my kids are grown so I work just enough to pay my bills....the more I want, the more I had to work. So I quickly weened out a lot of the things that I could truly live without! My life is so much better now. You have to change your focus because the patients are not going to change. They want what they want when they want it or they threaten lawsuit. We are nurse because we are the only ones who can deal with people like that. Your A&O X3 resident is in a nursing home for a reason. If that person has family, the family probably could not deal with the behavior so they would rather pay someone else to put up with that. This is just one scenario, of course. I loved working Geriatrics but I had to leave it because administration expect you to do the impossible with some of these folks even when they or the families cannot and the resident AND nurse are the ones to suffer. If possible, try working part-time there and part-time somewhere else. I actually looked at getting 5 part-time jobs at one point because of the severe burnout. I figured I could only look at a given job on one day a week!:angryfire But that is taking it to the extreme. Take a vacation and try to break up your days. Remember...YANA (You Are Not Alone)!
Good luck!!