Husband doesn't understand... advice?

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I'm a couple months into my first job, and I'm still adjusting to everything as a new nurse. I just completed my first 3 12hour shifts in a row. It was the first time I've done it, and it has been a tough week for me with my patient load/acuity.

My husband isn't in the medical field. For the past few weeks, I have been coming home completely exhausted especially this week. He just doesn't get it. He thinks I'm over exaggerating my workload. Coming home past 8pm then having to wake up the next morning and do it all over again takes a toll on me. I'm still trying to adjust. Does anyone else have similar experiences and would like to give some tips/advice?

So you would let your kids starve? I didn't say I cooked for my my husband, I took care of my kids. Just because you have long shifts... Doesn't mean you forget about your kids... Or don't take care of them...

Pretty sure that's not what she said. I think she meant she would pick food up or heat up a pizza or something rather than slave in the kitchen to make a full dinner for everyone.

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Pretty sure that's not what she said. I think she meant she would pick food up or heat up a pizza or something rather than slave in the kitchen to make a full dinner for everyone.

That's not the way she put it... And I never said I slaved in the kitchen cooking for everyone either. But I do believe my kids need a good home cooked dinner.. Not a frozen pizza. Or processed food full of sodium from a drive thru. Everyone has there own ways of doing things. I'm not judging you nor do I know you.. All I did was put my opinion in the help the person who asked the question. Just saying it does get better. But everyone's life is different.

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So you would let your kids starve? I didn't say I cooked for my my husband, I took care of my kids. Just because you have long shifts... Doesn't mean you forget about your kids... Or don't take care of them...

Why is the choice between you making your kids dinner or your kids starving though? Is your husband incapable of feeding his own children? I think that is what the poster meant.

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Why is the choice between you making your kids dinner or your kids starving though? Is your husband incapable of feeding his own children? I think that is what the poster meant.

Ya he's pretty worthless... I never said yes, I have a great husband, and that's neither here nor there. If I don't do it, it won't get done. That's exactly what I put in my post. If I don't cook them dinner, they won't eat. I just wanted to post saying that things get better. Trying to help someone out... But I guess I made people mad because I cook for my kids after working. And even if I didn't have a husband.. It would still need to be done. I know a lot of single moms who work three shifts in a row and still make time to cook for their kids.

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No, you are absolutely right and you sound like an awesome mother. It is just infuriating to me that some people husband's don't help out more :/ I apologize if my post came off as harsh.

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No, you are absolutely right and you sound like an awesome mother. It is just infuriating to me that some people husband's don't help out more :/ I apologize if my post came off as harsh.

No problem :)... And thank you for that..

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Specializes in CEN, CFRN, PHRN, RCIS, EMT-P.
So you would let your kids starve? I didn't say I cooked for my my husband, I took care of my kids. Just because you have long shifts... Doesn't mean you forget about your kids... Or don't take care of them...

I agree

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
Why is the choice between you making your kids dinner or your kids starving though? Is your husband incapable of feeding his own children? I think that is what the poster meant.

A husband who comes home after a 9-5 or 8-4 job is in a much better position to feed the kids than mom, who doesn't get home until 8:30 and then has to be in bed by 9:30 to get up at 5:00 again and do it all over. Whether or not he cooks them a home cooked meal, he can feed the kids and get them ready for bed. I'm sure he's exhausted from his demanding 8 hour shift, but better he step up than make them wait until Mom gets home.

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A husband who comes home after a 9-5 or 8-4 job is in a much better position to feed the kids than mom, who doesn't get home until 8:30 and then has to be in bed by 9:30 to get up at 5:00 again and do it all over. Whether or not he cooks them a home cooked meal, he can feed the kids and get them ready for bed. I'm sure he's exhausted from his demanding 8 hour shift, but better he step up than make them wait until Mom gets home.

Some husbands do work a 6am to 6am job out in the heat in the 114 degree weather here in AZ. Still no excuse.. But most wives are just stronger than their husbands..

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A husband who comes home after a 9-5 or 8-4 job is in a much better position to feed the kids than mom, who doesn't get home until 8:30 and then has to be in bed by 9:30 to get up at 5:00 again and do it all over. Whether or not he cooks them a home cooked meal, he can feed the kids and get them ready for bed. I'm sure he's exhausted from his demanding 8 hour shift, but better he step up than make them wait until Mom gets home.

Ohhh that's the story of my life .....

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Specializes in Critical Care; Cardiac; Professional Development.

My husband is a pretty understanding fellow and was VERY protective of my sleep time when I was working night shift. He would even make me "dinner" and have it plated for me in the fridge when I got home from work in the morning so that I could just heat it up. He would be gone to his own day shift job by then and it was a nice treat to come home to those homecooked plates of food. He bought me very expensive blackout curtains, remodeled the bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub so that I could soak my legs and back. He encouraged me to have a glass of wine before bed just like I did sometimes when my schedule was day shift.

Now that I am back on day shift, he is still pretty understanding, but somewhat less so than when I was on nights. He usually gets that I need to be in bed early when I am working several in a row, but sometimes that seems to make him think I am hinting at wanting to get frisky since I am eager to be in bed around 9:00 or 9:30. I love him and we have a strong marriage....I hate turning him down, so sometimes even those early nights wind up being later than I wanted. I can get quietly frustrated about that from time to time but it is rare enough that it isn't worth the negative feelings it could cause if I made it an issue. It is hard to be upset that after 12 years he still wants me. He isn't disrespectful at all. Just....amorous. I make sure to make lots of romance time when I have days off and that helps to make both of us feel like there isn't a lack of connection on the dry days when I am working several in a row.

My biggest issue is that he has the tendency to ask me to do stuff on my days off. I feel like I have to justify my time or he will ask me to call this entity and straighten out that issue and run this errand, etc. He definitely doesn't understand my need to just sit and veg and watch some trash TV or read a book and do nothing or go to a movie alone. It isn't just physical fatigue. I work a busy, high acuity step down unit and sometimes the things I do and see weigh heavy on my heart and I just need to be alone and let the world go. I am slowly learning to say "I can't" but it is hard. I feel like I have to justify why and it is something that is hard to put into words.

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My husband is a pretty understanding fellow and was VERY protective of my sleep time when I was working night shift. He would even make me "dinner" and have it plated for me in the fridge when I got home from work in the morning so that I could just heat it up. He would be gone to his own day shift job by then and it was a nice treat to come home to those homecooked plates of food. He bought me very expensive blackout curtains, remodeled the bathroom with a Jacuzzi tub so that I could soak my legs and back. He encouraged me to have a glass of wine before bed just like I did sometimes when my schedule was day shift.

Now that I am back on day shift, he is still pretty understanding, but somewhat less so than when I was on nights. He usually gets that I need to be in bed early when I am working several in a row, but sometimes that seems to make him think I am hinting at wanting to get frisky since I am eager to be in bed around 9:00 or 9:30. I love him and we have a strong marriage....I hate turning him down, so sometimes even those early nights wind up being later than I wanted. I can get quietly frustrated about that from time to time but it is rare enough that it isn't worth the negative feelings it could cause if I made it an issue. It is hard to be upset that after 12 years he still wants me. He isn't disrespectful at all. Just....amorous. I make sure to make lots of romance time when I have days off and that helps to make both of us feel like there isn't a lack of connection on the dry days when I am working several in a row.

My biggest issue is that he has the tendency to ask me to do stuff on my days off. I feel like I have to justify my time or he will ask me to call this entity and straighten out that issue and run this errand, etc. He definitely doesn't understand my need to just sit and veg and watch some trash TV or read a book and do nothing or go to a movie alone. It isn't just physical fatigue. I work a busy, high acuity step down unit and sometimes the things I do and see weigh heavy on my heart and I just need to be alone and let the world go. I am slowly learning to say "I can't" but it is hard. I feel like I have to justify why and it is something that is hard to put into words.

I so hear you. I haven't started working yet, but this is my situation as well. I am one of those introverts that seems extroverted in a work/social environment and need some down time to recharge. My guy is great at making an extra effort to support and assist me. He is great at laundry and feeding the kids and keeping the house going. But I do really need time to recharge (I use the "my bucket is empty" analogy a lot) and his idea of recharging is very different from mine. Not a lot to complain about in the scheme of things, I suppose, but I totally understand.

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