I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.
One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.
OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?
Amusing, but very untrue. Apparently Freud was having a very ordinary sexual fantasy of his own when he dreamed up this dx.
So please don't base your behavior to the women on that. I can assure you, it'd go even worse than "killing them with kindness" did.
I'm of the opinion that you should just go about your day as best you can and back off completely. Let them come to you. Because underlying all this hostility that women have toward men is..... drumroll......ta-da!.....fear.
So here are the rules I suggest:
Stand your ground. Act normal. Do your job. Offer to help. Don't hit on anyone. Don't let anyone hit on you. Take your lunch. Don't do overtime (unless they beg and offer extra money and you really feel like it).
Every day will build on the respect that you engender by being a really good nurse. It's hard at first when you're not really feeling like a part of the team, but that will happen. It just takes a little more time for guys. But it happens to women too, I assure you.
Best wishes!
Your advice was quite good! There really is alot of male bashing in the nursing workplace. That being said, your insight, and advice is well received. Tell us some more.
we are here defending men's rights to practice nursing harassment free. Or did you not bother to notice it, Jay? No not likely. You are way too busy slamming us here.
If the shoe fits wear it/ if you are not part of the problem, then be a part of the solution.
Just two of the thoughts that come to mind. That is why I asked the question, "Where in the heck are you when these acts of discrimination occur? If by telling the truth is considered by you as Slamming then I suppose I should keep my mouth shut, and my thoughts on this particular subject to myself
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Just two of the thoughts that come to mind. That is why I asked the question, "Where in the heck are you when these acts of discrimination occur? If by telling the truth is considered by you as Slamming then I suppose I should keep my mouth shut, and my thoughts on this particular subject to myself
I suppose you could find a less offensive way of expressing them, and maybe THINK before you post them? It was offensive, frankly. And not true, to boot.
I've been working in our ER for nearly a year, and in lieu of recent events, was prompted to open this thread. I am the only male nurse in, not just the ER but in the entire hospital. The nurses I work with are very good at what they do, save for one fault. THEY HATE MALES! Despite their "friendly" and helpful demeanor there has always been some underlying hostility towards me. Not only that, I tend to overhear comments like "They only hired him because he's a male nurse." and "Guess who's YOUR partner today?" Even though this is a male nursing forum, Marci, I hope you are reading this.
One of the nurses I used to work with (who I miss dearly) suggested I try to "kill them with kindness." It didn't work. I brought homemade cheesecake. They ate it like hyenas at a slaughter, but not a single thank you from any of them.
OK here's my question: How do I attempt to solve this problem, without quitting my job (which I do love) without having to resort to murder? Has anyone run across this problem? How did you deal with it?
Dont waste time worrying about it, I dont think one bit about what people think of me, I know I am good at what I do.
Outside of that I golf and I exercise and I golf, and usually then I will play more golf,
This might no go well here ,but oh well. At 46 I'm a new male nurse, I had worked 20 yr's in a job that was all male. If anyone thinks bashing is a female thing please think again. WE are nurses and if there is strife in the workplace the PT, the family members, the DR's all sense it . If it is that bad move on . Thanks CRG
This might no go well here ,but oh well. At 46 I'm a new male nurse, I had worked 20 yr's in a job that was all male. If anyone thinks bashing is a female thing please think again. WE are nurses and if there is strife in the workplace the PT, the family members, the DR's all sense it . If it is that bad move on . Thanks CRG
The same way that females that are nurses deal with female-hating male nurses....and female-hating male doctors, respiratory therapists, physically therapists, pharmacists, etc.
The same way that females that are nurses deal with female-hating male nurses....and female-hating male doctors, respiratory therapists, physically therapists, pharmacists, etc.
So true...we can find 'haters' everywhere, as well as good folks.
If we cannot find ANY good folks among coworkers and its too hostile, then we have a choice to leave. I've left hostile work environments...but I don't blame the harassing environment solely on one gender.
Uh, well, there are a lot of good white people in the world, too, but that isn't much of a defense of the Klan. There are some black racists...but again, that doesn't excuse the Klan.
Personally, I haven't met many nurses who weren't supportive of a guy wanting to be a nurse, and none at all who were outright hostile, so I certainly don't think it's a universal problem.
On the other hand, a fair number of the responses to this thread have been defensive and/or dismissive. The fact that women have had to put up with it, too, does nothing to address the original question, and with all due respect, that does divert conversation from the topic at hand.
Is it "divisive" to post about man-hating female nurses? If one is, in fact, being harrassed or belittled or criticized for being a man, that division clearly exists, and calling attention to the problem does not create the problem.
I don't mean for a moment to suggest women shouldn't have an opinion or post on a thread like this. But I do think it would be in order to consider whether one really means to say it's ok for men to be abused, since women have, or that the victims don't have as bad as they think they do, before posting a reply that amounts to just that.
The point was not to belittle you....the point is that it should be handled in a similar manner.
If someone was to post "as a minority race nurse how do I deal with minority hating white nurses, I assure that I would say the same thing. Or as a nonChristian nurse, how do I deal with Christian nurses that cannot understand or belittle me because of my beliefs (a topic which I have commented on any number of times). Witness a few posts of "How do atheist nurses deal with death? Answer: much the same way as nonatheist nurses".
The problem deals with ignorant, small minded individuals with poor self esteem that lash out(hate) at anyone that is different from the "standard/typical" coworker. Difference be it gender, sexual preference, religion or color is moot. The root cause is the same and the coping mechanisms are the same.
The point was not to belittle you....the point is that it should be handled in a similar manner.
If someone was to post "as a minority race nurse how do I deal with minority hating white nurses, I assure that I would say the same thing. Or as a nonChristian nurse, how do I deal with Christian nurses that cannot understand or belittle me because of my beliefs (a topic which I have commented on any number of times). Witness a few posts of "How do atheist nurses deal with death? Answer: much the same way as nonatheist nurses".
The problem deals with ignorant, small minded individuals with poor self esteem that lash out(hate) at anyone that is different from the "standard/typical" coworker. Difference be it gender, sexual preference, religion or color is moot. The root cause is the same and the coping mechanisms are the same.
Fair enough.
I've seen times in an all-male, blue collar workplace where the only way a new guy could get any respect was to find someone and kick his butt. Clearly, not a very professional approach, but I do think there's an analogy, here. There may be instances like Jay alludes to where nothing works--again, not having seen them, myself, it's hard to comment--but in the case of having to fight your way onto a crew, I think what it's really about is establishing limits: this is how much I'll tolerate, but beyond that, I'll fight. Maybe a new nurse has to be ready to make a similar (nonviolent) stand. Push me this far, I'll roll with it or laugh it off, but push me farther and you may need to hire a lawyer. Of course, I don't think it would be satisfactory to have to go to court every time you change jobs, but in "guy world" you don't really have to resort to fisticuffs every time there's a conflict, either. Sometimes just showing you're willing to is enough. So, for a beseiged guy (or any other victim) I would think rising above it is the best first step, but if the problem persists, a more aggressive approach is in order. Documenting the incidents sounds prudent. A talk with management might be the next step. At some point, depending on how likely you think management is to rectify the situation, a letter from your attorney to your manager is pretty sure to get some attention. That might be the second step, if you're pretty sure management is already aware of the problem and unwilling to intervene.
If I ever did find myself in the position where I needed to hire a lawyer to write my boss a letter, you can bet I'd send a copy to her boss, too.
Silverhawk
55 Posts
Your advice was quite good! There really is alot of male bashing in the nursing workplace. That being said, your insight, and advice is well received. Tell us some more.