How would seeing a dead patient affect you personally?

vamedic4, EMT-P · Jan 3, 2007

I am interested in knowing how will you feel, if a patient were to pass on you, or if you witnessned it etc. I ask because, when I did my clinicals... The patient I chose for my careplan, was fine and jolly as could be. The next day when I returned, she was gone. I felt really really sad. And other confusing feelings of which I dont have the words to explain. I know that in the Nursing profession, I will be encountering a whole lot of that...........................
Did you have any similar experience and how did you feel?

Many years ago we had a patient come in to our facility on DOL two, he needed surgery pronto or he was not going to survive, as his heart defect was not compatible with life beyond a few days.

He arrived on a Friday afternoon and we all got the story...mom and dad have "issues", one couldn't get over the death of a parent in the last year...anyway, support for this child was withdrawn. I'll never forget how I felt when I heard that.

Our little boy lasted the weekend and died in my arms right before shift change on Monday morning. I don't think he spent more than a few necessary moments in the Ohio warmer his entire life.

Having dealt with little ones for the past 12 plus years I can only say that it is one of the hardest things to do. "Seeing" a dead patient isn't the worst thing in the world, it's the thought of "what would they have done had they lived" that I ponder. Then I go home, cry, and hold my children until they can't stand me any longer.

And I thank God every day for the opportunity to help others.

Have a good day, everyone.

vamedic4

GeminiTwinRN, BSN · Jan 3, 2007

Daytonite: I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing, god bless you and your family. Losing my granma was equivilent to if i had lost my own mother. She raised me from a baby till just before my 17th birthday when i came to the US to live with my mom and to start my college education. I never got to say goodbye to her, she passed before I could get back. I was devistated and angry but I believe in my heart that she did not want me to see her in the state she was in, that she wanted me to remember her as she was. Its been 4+ yrs and its still a very hard thing for me digest, there is still that shock and disbelief and i still cry sometimes because i miss her terribly. My grandma was my heart. So my heart goes out to you for your loss, its not an easy thing to handle.

I can totally relate to your grief about losing your grandma. My grandma, too, was my "mother". She raised me and my brother from the time we were 11. My brother went to live with my grandparents when he was eleven, and then 3 years later, I went to live with them when I was eleven. I had spent significant portions of my childhood with them as well, before I went there permanently, and so to me, they were my parents.

I cared for my Grandmother as the only relative who lived in the same city when she became ill. She was ill for several years before she passed away, and I received a phone call (as I did every day of our lives, MANY calls a day) from her early in the AM the morning that she died. She asked me to come to her assisted living apartment, and I told her I would be there within the hour, after dropping my son off at school. When I got there, I let myself in with my key and she was sitting up in a chair in front of the door, waiting for me to get there. She was wearing her pajamas, and didn't respond when I asked her why she was sitting at the door... she was already gone. I was heartbroken that I hadn't been able to be with her during her last moments. I still think what if? why didn't I? etc.

To make matters worse, I had moved into her condo (at her insistence) when I started the pre-reqs for nursing school and she moved into the assisted living apartment. It proved to be a wonderful arrangement. It was her intention that I and my son would be able to live in her home until graduation, but after her death my Aunt and my mother (her daughters) forced me to move out so that the condo could be sold. It has cost me a relationship with my Aunt. We haven't spoken since the service and the final disbursements from the estate. The sale could easily have waited the two years until graduation, neither of them needed the money, but I certainly needed the home.

I graduated December 16, 2006. How I wish my grandmother could have been there in person.. I believe she was there in spirit, but I cried that day because she wasn't there. Of course, neither was my Aunt nor my mother. My brother lives in another state, with his family, and wasn't there either.

The only relationship that remains for me and any of my family is with my brother and his wife and my 2 wonderful nephews. I thank God for their love and hope that someday we can live closer together in order to have our children be near each other. The only person I have where I live is my son, and were it not for his father being a huge part of his life, I would have already moved to my brother's area. However, growing up in the situation that we did, I refuse to take my son away (geographically) from his father.

Anyway, sorry for the long post.

I'm sorry for your loss, and for yours too, Daytonite. What a blessing to have been able to be there for your mother when she passed.

Take care and have a healthy and prosperous New Year!

allnurses Guide · Jan 3, 2007

Depends on how well I knew them, most deaths in the ER are fairly sudden and with unknown (to us anyway) people so there isn't that much of an emotional attatchment. Kids still get to me though. Most of the time, its "this one didn't work, call organ donor and OMI". Have to be able to detach and move on, because the ER is still full of people who need to continue to be cared for. Emotional let down usually comes at home, after the shift is over.

When I worked the floors, had one fellow, terminal, in a lot of pain, and I couldn't understand why he didn't go. I prayed hard about it, and got an answer, the few more hours of pain was worth it to be with his family.

prmenrs, RN · Jan 3, 2007

I always felt sad and a little lost when an adult died. When a baby dies, I need to hold him/her. The last one I held had had numerous surgeries and was leaking serum thru every available portal. I swaddled him in a chux and held him any way.

It's ok to cry. Families actually feel validated when staff mourns their loved one. You can usually function even when tearing up and feeling sad. If it's more than that for you, you may be over-identifying w/the family, and counseling (think Employee Assistance) may help you.

When I was supervising, I tried to help w/postmortem care. And, I was very insistent that new nurses had a more experienced RN go to the morgue w/them and the security guard, rather that just the nurse and guard. It's a time when, IMO, staff should be supported, just like the family.

SA2BDOCTOR · Jan 3, 2007

I always felt sad and a little lost when an adult died. When a baby dies, I need to hold him/her. The last one I held had had numerous surgeries and was leaking serum thru every available portal. I swaddled him in a chux and held him any way.
It's ok to cry. Families actually feel validated when staff mourns their loved one. You can usually function even when tearing up and feeling sad. If it's more than that for you, you may be over-identifying w/the family, and counseling (think Employee Assistance) may help you.
When I was supervising, I tried to help w/postmortem care. And, I was very insistent that new nurses had a more experienced RN go to the morgue w/them and the security guard, rather that just the nurse and guard. It's a time when, IMO, staff should be supported, just like the family.

Your post touched my heart. WAW....

SA2BDOCTOR · Jan 4, 2007

Thanks for sharing everyone.

nd deb · Jan 4, 2007

I have worked as a Cna in the past in a hospital and ltc and so I have some experience in seeing people die and caring for them. It didn't really bother me then.

I was at one time interested in working in neonatal icu since both of my sons were preeemies. I thought it was interesting. Now however, since my 2 yr son unexpectedly this past aug had gotten AML leukemia and died from it I don't know if I could work in that area. I don't know how I feel or deal with a loss of an infant that I would be taking care of. I think it would remind me of my son and really tear me up inside.

SA2BDOCTOR · Jan 4, 2007

I have worked as a Cna in the past in a hospital and ltc and so I have some experience in seeing people die and caring for them. It didn't really bother me then.
I was at one time interested in working in neonatal icu since both of my sons were preeemies. I thought it was interesting. Now however, since my 2 yr son unexpectedly this past aug had gotten AML leukemia and died from it I don't know if I could work in that area. I don't know how I feel or deal with a loss of an infant that I would be taking care of. I think it would remind me of my son and really tear me up inside.

nd deb, I am really sorry to hear about the loss of your son. How are you holding up? What is AML ?

nd deb · Jan 4, 2007

Thank You.. There are good days and bad days. It is one of the hardest things I have gone thru in my life. Only thing worse or harder would be losing my hubby. I have read that losing a child is worse then losing a spouse. I don't know, I think I would be pretty lonely if I lost my spouse.

For xmas we went to disney world so that kept our minds busy and not dwelling on not having him here for xmas. He would have really gotten into this yr too. His 3 rd birthday is coming up January 12th. Not sure how that day is gonna go. He had acute myeloeous luekemia. It starts in the bone marrow with the myelocytes and then spreads into the blood. It is rare and hard to treat. The Acute lymphantic leukemia is the more common form of childhood leukemias and it is easier to treat, pronogisis and survial rate is higher. If I remember correctly I think AML has about a 60% survial rate. I had been told and read that with the chemo treatments it gets worse before it gets better. The body's chemistry really gets messed up and meds, bloodtranfusions, procedures are to done quite frequently to balance things out.

shippoRN · Jan 4, 2007

To make matters worse, I had moved into her condo (at her insistence) when I started the pre-reqs for nursing school and she moved into the assisted living apartment. It proved to be a wonderful arrangement. It was her intention that I and my son would be able to live in her home until graduation, but after her death my Aunt and my mother (her daughters) forced me to move out so that the condo could be sold. It has cost me a relationship with my Aunt. We haven't spoken since the service and the final disbursements from the estate. The sale could easily have waited the two years until graduation, neither of them needed the money, but I certainly needed the home.
I graduated December 16, 2006. How I wish my grandmother could have been there in person.. I believe she was there in spirit, but I cried that day because she wasn't there. Of course, neither was my Aunt nor my mother. My brother lives in another state, with his family, and wasn't there either.
The only relationship that remains for me and any of my family is with my brother and his wife and my 2 wonderful nephews. I thank God for their love and hope that someday we can live closer together in order to have our children be near each other. The only person I have where I live is my son, and were it not for his father being a huge part of his life, I would have already moved to my brother's area. However, growing up in the situation that we did, I refuse to take my son away (geographically) from his father.
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I can totally relate to this as well, something similar also happened when my gran passed. What can you do you know? you always see people's greed and selfishness at some of the worse times.

Curious1alwys, BSN, RN · Jan 4, 2007

For me there won't be anything worse than watching my own father waste away from cancer and then watching him die. Seeing his dead body there, only a shell of the person he used to be.

Even though every death brings an emotional experience, nothing will ever compare.

I think those of us who have watched family members die can agee with what I am saying...

nd deb · Jan 5, 2007

Yeah. I think it is sometimes perhaps better if one doesn't know what is all happening. When my son had gotten admitted to the hospital I could sense something was wrong when they had a chaplain visit with me before he got transferred to the other hospital. Then when we got up to other hospital I see where it was going. My hubby on the other hand didn't really know at first how serious, awful it was. I was unfortantely the only one there when the dr had told me he had leukemia and he didn't think he was gonna make it thru the first night. Before he talked to me, the staff kept asking me where my hubby and family was and that they should be there. I had to have hope but it was hard when I could see he was going down hill.