First off recognize. Part of this is simply my venting. Part of this is a form of self pity. I also would be interested in any ideas, as I am rather beyond any new ideas.
Background: My beloved and I have been together for 10 years. He was a practicing physician. Last year he had a stroke, recovery has been about 95%. At the time his physician wrote out an FMLA for me, even though in my heart o hearts and knowing federal guidelines that it would not be granted as we are not married nor is he a blood relative of any sorts. Of course it was not granted, We managed to get by. I only missed 4 days of work due to his stroke, rather remarkable in its own way. At my last PI meeting with my supervisor of course she happened to bring up the fact the fact that I had missed 3 days last year which were excused and 1 which was not excused. She did take off the one day as she remembered that it was during the time of his stroke and when he first came home. While I appreciated her consideration it also made me mad and worried all at the same time.
We are now facing CHF and stage 4 renal failure. This has been much more problematic than the stroke. As of yet I have not had to miss any work due to his health, but more due to the fact that I was en conned so many times over the summer until this past Sept. I am now concerned as there are several doctors appt coming up which I am scheduling for my days off. No problem there, but his condition so far is not improving.
I found myself wondering on my way to work this morning, what will I do as things worsens. I thought of should I , could I get an FMLA due to the mental duress that most assuredly is coming for myself? I am not depressed, I am not anxious all would be valid. What possible excuse could I use even. I recognize I can not get it for his condition and needs, we aren't married. And it is not something at this point in which I want to do. Anyone got any answers? Aside from fear for his health. I fear for the future. I realize no one can give me answers regarding his health. the outcome is pretty clear, it will only be a matter of time. Not meaning the end is near, but we are in the decline phase, which will then become the phase of peritoneal dialysis until that would quit working.
He is ;73, and I am 57. I am scared. I need to work, it is not an option. Is somehow obtaining an FMLA for my own job protection right? That is what I wrestle with.. Anyone have thoughts on this?
Please no I am sorry's. Pity is not what I want. I want some ideas to help me figure out what to do in balancing my personal responsibilities and my need to work.
I am not an expert on FMLA but I hope you find some answers ASAP. Lots of good advice here about wills, bank issues, etc. I hope you get everything arranged to your benefit and protection.
I think your boss is a jerk. You took off 3 sick days in a year, huh? Shame on you. NOT!
The state of Florida does not recognize domestic relationships, and yes my DON went personally to the head of HR last year and also to the CEO of the hospital, they all know us both, as darlin practiced in the same system for 30 years. There was nothing which could be done in regards to being up front as to the FMLA due to his health. But I will certainly check into it based on myself. I am thinking mental stress should do, worse comes to worse I will say stress is bringing on migraines.
Yes, the house is in both of our names. It is already too late to protect it by putting it in my name only unless of course he would move out. That is not something I am willing to have happen. I have already thought of it, and if a lien were put against the house, due to nursing home. so be it. I do not believe they can force a sale. Heck in bankruptcy is one party who is not married files for bankruptcy the home can not be touch against he other owner. Again, thanks for all the suggestions and support. I hope at some point to get him into a lawyers office. I have talked with his CPA, and he has given us some advice such as keeping our checking accounts separate, taking his name off of our joint savings account so that in worst case scenario funds would not be immediately frozen. Until probate. Mind you I am not killing him off, but I am a planner, and have always felt I could handle anything as long as I know what to expect and plan as best I can. Now if I can just get darlin to be a proactive planner. lol...
Please consult an attorney ASAP. So many of us go on heresay. So many of us think we know the law etc. and are either surprised that it is in our favor or shocked to find out what we thought was in our favor is not. My dh practices family law. The stories I hear are heartbreaking, and at times incredible tales of misfortune because of wrong information. Good luck to you in arming yourself with the information needed and following through in a correct legal manner which will give you peace of mind. God bless you and your SO in this very difficult time.
I agree to call a lawyer ASAP. It's best to get some legal advice here and it prob won't cost much or take up too much of your time which I know is very valuable right now.
Well , its christmas eve morning, and soon we are headed to the hospital. My loved ones hemoglobin has been steadily dropping now down to 7.4. He will received 2 units of blood today. I am praying for no fluid overload, so that we will back home for the family to come celebrate the holiday tonight.
The state of Florida does not recognize domestic relationships, and yes my DON went personally to the head of HR last year and also to the CEO of the hospital, they all know us both, as darlin practiced in the same system for 30 years. There was nothing which could be done in regards to being up front as to the FMLA due to his health. But I will certainly check into it based on myself. I am thinking mental stress should do, worse comes to worse I will say stress is bringing on migraines.
Yes, the house is in both of our names. It is already too late to protect it by putting it in my name only unless of course he would move out. That is not something I am willing to have happen. I have already thought of it, and if a lien were put against the house, due to nursing home. so be it. I do not believe they can force a sale. Heck in bankruptcy is one party who is not married files for bankruptcy the home can not be touch against he other owner. Again, thanks for all the suggestions and support. I hope at some point to get him into a lawyers office. I have talked with his CPA, and he has given us some advice such as keeping our checking accounts separate, taking his name off of our joint savings account so that in worst case scenario funds would not be immediately frozen. Until probate. Mind you I am not killing him off, but I am a planner, and have always felt I could handle anything as long as I know what to expect and plan as best I can. Now if I can just get darlin to be a proactive planner. lol...
You certainly have enough on your plate to have a diagnosis of depression. I should think that would be a reason for a fmla leave.
I guess I just don't understand, and there is no way that I could, because I am not you, nor am I in your situation. But if I loved my significant other enough to stick it through to the end of his life.. I mean,, that is forever, right? Then I would love to marry him also. Putting financial reasons aside.... There are upsides to being married also, you just need a DIFFERENT advisor to tell you those advantages. Don't ask your current legal advisor, as he has convinced you that NOT marrying the love of your life is better, somehow. I don't know. I just don't understand.
So, you need to work, you've made that clear... but you also love him enough to take off from work for him, and even put your job in jeopardy,,, but, not enough to marry him. I'm sorry, that just doesn't seem right? to me, atleast. I am sure there are many people that do understand.... I am married to a man that not one of my family members wanted me to marry, and it took 5 years for them to realize what a good man he is. He is also disabled. He does not get SSI because he's married to me and I make too much money. But we love each other, and I couldn't see it any other way.
Babas, I would not/ do not meet critera for depression. I have not asked my doctor, but I am aware of what the 5 signs of depression are. I am thanful I am not depressed, that would be that straw that broke the camel's back.
I would not ask my doctor to lie for me. Yes, I am under stress, simply not depressed. Perhaps that might change . Somehow things will work out as God plans.
I will be working every weekend and mondays in order to be able to meet his needs. His children are available on the weekends to help out.
Easttexas, I am happy things have worked out for you and your family has accepted your husband. We made our decisons based on our circumstances and our ages . God understands, our families understand more importantly we are okay with our decision. That is what matters.
I am wondering how long before he feels better from the transfusion he received yesterday.
Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.
(((LPNflorida))) Not sure if Fla has a "homestead act"...simple form you have filled out at town hall that protects your home from various lawsuits and liens etd... one more step to protect you.
Whether to marry or not is a personal decision between you and your man...but if you do not have the power of attorney or health care proxy in place everything, including decisions will be left up to his children; not you...and if they are not close by it could become difficult for all of you (believe me MIL is in Fla and we get the 4 am phone calls from the hosp when she goes into chf)
(((LPNflorida))) Not sure if Fla has a "homestead act"...simple form you have filled out at town hall that protects your home from various lawsuits and liens etd... one more step to protect you.
Whether to marry or not is a personal decision between you and your man...but if you do not have the power of attorney or health care proxy in place everything, including decisions will be left up to his children; not you...and if they are not close by it could become difficult for all of you (believe me MIL is in Fla and we get the 4 am phone calls from the hosp when she goes into chf)
HOpe you are able to have him home today!!
I do not know if Florida has homestead act or not. I will check on that. His adult children are wonderful, When he had his stroke last year, they all looked to me to help him makes his decisons. That will not change, we all have a wonderful relationship. I am already listed now as go to personal on his medical records. His doctors are great at keeping me in the loop of information.
Vito Andolini
1,451 Posts
I am not an expert on FMLA but I hope you find some answers ASAP. Lots of good advice here about wills, bank issues, etc. I hope you get everything arranged to your benefit and protection.
I think your boss is a jerk. You took off 3 sick days in a year, huh? Shame on you. NOT!