How to protect job, without FMLA

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Specializes in psych. rehab nursing, float pool.

First off recognize. Part of this is simply my venting. Part of this is a form of self pity. I also would be interested in any ideas, as I am rather beyond any new ideas.

Background: My beloved and I have been together for 10 years. He was a practicing physician. Last year he had a stroke, recovery has been about 95%. At the time his physician wrote out an FMLA for me, even though in my heart o hearts and knowing federal guidelines that it would not be granted as we are not married nor is he a blood relative of any sorts. Of course it was not granted, We managed to get by. I only missed 4 days of work due to his stroke, rather remarkable in its own way. At my last PI meeting with my supervisor of course she happened to bring up the fact the fact that I had missed 3 days last year which were excused and 1 which was not excused. She did take off the one day as she remembered that it was during the time of his stroke and when he first came home. While I appreciated her consideration it also made me mad and worried all at the same time.

We are now facing CHF and stage 4 renal failure. This has been much more problematic than the stroke. As of yet I have not had to miss any work due to his health, but more due to the fact that I was en conned so many times over the summer until this past Sept. I am now concerned as there are several doctors appt coming up which I am scheduling for my days off. No problem there, but his condition so far is not improving.

I found myself wondering on my way to work this morning, what will I do as things worsens. I thought of should I , could I get an FMLA due to the mental duress that most assuredly is coming for myself? I am not depressed, I am not anxious all would be valid. What possible excuse could I use even. I recognize I can not get it for his condition and needs, we aren't married. And it is not something at this point in which I want to do. Anyone got any answers? Aside from fear for his health. I fear for the future. I realize no one can give me answers regarding his health. the outcome is pretty clear, it will only be a matter of time. Not meaning the end is near, but we are in the decline phase, which will then become the phase of peritoneal dialysis until that would quit working.

He is ;73, and I am 57. I am scared. I need to work, it is not an option. Is somehow obtaining an FMLA for my own job protection right? That is what I wrestle with.. Anyone have thoughts on this?

Please no I am sorry's. Pity is not what I want. I want some ideas to help me figure out what to do in balancing my personal responsibilities and my need to work.

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I know this sounds kind of stupid but why not just get a quick JP marriage? That would solve the FMLA problems.

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Specializes in psych. rehab nursing, float pool.

Kryshamarks

The reason not to marry, is also financial. We own our home together. As long as we are not married, if it should ever come down to one of us having a financial burden the home can not be taken away from the other one. Mind you we have a mortagage, and even with worst case scenario ( the death of either one of us ) it will not be paid off. It is simply set up so that the other person has rights of survivorship.

So it has been in the last year, due to his health. I have not wanted to get married. It probably makes no sense to anyone,somedays it doesn't make sense to me either. I do not want to someday lose him and my home also. In my heart he is already my husband. I am just fearful of the legal ramifications if it were legal with his declining health.

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Specializes in ICU, ER, EP,.

I have a nursing friend who has FMLA due to psyc issues. Because of "home" situations, not his own mental health, he is under too much stress and burden to function safely. A psychiatrist granted the FMLA years ago and renews it faithfully.

Consider this route and don't hesitate the FMLA, without job protection, your finances will greatly increase your stress.

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If you need the FMLA get it for mental health reasons. I would. You need to protect your health, sanity, and job My guess is under the current circumstances you'd qualify.

On a practical note I would be sure he has life insurance and that it is left at least in part to you. Make sure he also has a medical directive and living will which could be vital down the line. Pls make sure the home, utilities, etc. are all in both of your names as well as any banking or financial accounts that are to be left to you. He also needs a will if he doesn't have one and you should have all these things as well. We all should.

Hugs.

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Specializes in ER, IICU, PCU, PACU, EMS.

Does your state have common law marriages? Does FMLA recognize those?

Just thoughts off the top of my head for the moment......

Not giving you pity, just a hug :icon_hug:

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Tele, IM, OB/GYN, neuro, GI.
Does your state have common law marriages? Does FMLA recognize those?

Just thoughts off the top of my head for the moment......

Not giving you pity, just a hug :icon_hug:

No Florida doesn't have common law anymore.

OP: I agree with what others are saying. Go to your MD and tell them the truth, that you're stressed from your home siuation and you need to get FMLA to help ease some of the stress off of you. The only problem that may happen is tha Florida is an at will state so they may find another reason to fire you if you start missing too many days and FMLA won't cover that.

I hope everything works out for you.

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Another consideration since you are not married is that when he dies (whether it be now or many yrs from now) you will not be able to collect any of his social security when you retire...

But check on FMLA--you should qualify. And your employer does not need to know why you are on FMLA as long as you have an MD note. You can take up to 12 weeks off--it does not need to be continuous--per year. If my understanding is correct, you can work part time or a reduced schedule, allowing you to book MD appts on your days off.

Here is the link:

http://www.dol.gov/esa/whd/fmla/

And you both should have a Living Trust. And make sure you are correct about rights of survivorship. When my husband died, the house transferred over to me as we had a joint tenacy with rights of survivorship, even though we were married.

And you still need a hug... :icon_hug:

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Specializes in psych. rehab nursing, float pool.

thanks for the responses.

I will approach my own doctor, and ask if he would be comfortable giving me an FMLA. I needed comfirmation that it would be okay to do. As I said last year it was rightfully denied.

For the moment I am working it out by taking care of things on my scheduled days off. Attempting to save up PTO for future needed time off. I can project to when I will need to take time unexpectedly and intermittently. Hence my need to do something to protect my job such as having the FMLA.

I also hope someday soon he will get a living will and such. He has never had one. To the best of my knowledge he does not have a Will, nor do his children believe he has one. His children have been great. I wished they lived closer. I have told them to quietly start putting their name on the back of the things they would like to inherit someday. Yes, I do need to change some of the utilities on the house to my name, some are already and some were in his.

No health care proxy, or guardian. One can lead a horse to water but one can't make them drink. Makes a case for another thread of how stupid can doctors be,,,,,,,,, maybe its the god thing. lol He is not a good future planner ,denial, on his part. I asked him years ago, what songs would you like played at your funeral, would you want cremation versus burial etc. It was like pulling eye teeth, not something he wanted to talk about. Ever met people like that? He thought it odd that I knew what I wanted for myself and my Will and such state it.

He lists me as the person to contact in an emergency with all his own doctors,and at the hospital they do keep me informed.

Again thank you for taking the time to read and brainstorm. Thanks for the hugs. Those I do not mind at all. As to not being able to collect on his SS someday. This is not an issue as half of his would not equal full of my own SS. Plus if he needs long term care in the future, this is what I most have to protect myself from that and what may very well end up being mounting medical bills in the future.

Excuse my prattle, I am just typing and my thoughts rather jump around .

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i dont know that your home is protected.....i know up here they cant take the family home as long as the SPOUSE is still living in it.....but they will put a lien on it.....as you are NOT a spouse....would they not force sale, to pay for long term care....if i were you, i would see a lawyer asap.....and if the old geyser (said with affection, so to speak) cant see what position he is putting you in, shame on him!...perhaps a lawyer could knock sense into his educated but thick skull....you need a POA...push comes to shove with out the legal paper work, one of his kids will be next of kin, and make those decisions.....take care, and take of your self

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hmm I think that if the company recongnizes domestic partnerships, they also have to recongnize yours. You own a house together and sometimes that's all it takes. I would also by pass your manager to go to your head HR person. Sometimes you are denied just for not have all the paperwork filled out correctly - but they don't usually mention that little fact.

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The home is definitely in both names, correct?! If it isn't PLEASE have that done ASAP. You also need to take a day off to add your name to utilities, contact a lawyer for both of you to get wills, etc. These should should be non-neotiable.

He might not want to do it but he needs to ASAP for your sake, his children's sake, and his own. If he doesn't have a will things will go to probate. His children also stand in line to inherit before you. Pls make sure a portion of his life insurance if he has it is left to you as well as his children.

Make a list so you don't get overwhelmed and just do it so you can have some peace of mind. Hugs.

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