How Not to Get Taken Advantage Of

[DisneyNurseGal]

So I made a resolution for this upcoming semester... I am not going to let people walk all over me!

I am highly efficient and crazy organized. My notes are renowned, I record every lecture (and type them into my notes), my calendar is impeccable, and I do crazy good outlines. Please do not think me conceited, organization is my forte' and I take it (and my studies) seriously.

The problem is, people know these things about me, and I feel they take advantage of me. "Can you email the lecture that I missed on Thursday", "can I copy your calendar on the copy machine", "I didn't have time to read can I copy your concept map" - you get the idea. There are those in my class that I have no problem sharing and helping, because I KNOW THEY WOULD DO IT FOR ME! These individuals help me when I have questions, or problems, and they are the people I keep in my close circle.

So my question is this, does anyone have some tactful, (possibly witty) responses I can give to people when they ask me for too much? We have a small class of 30, so it is not like I can be rude (NOR DO I WANT TO BE) because I still have to co-exist with these people... I just don't want to be their doormat every time they get behind.

[tenjuna, MSN]

Best answer: NO!

Their retort:

Your volley: Tough t***y said the kitty but the milk tastes fine!

Seriously, I go through this all the time...if you don't want to help just say no, no need for complex reasoning. People give you the cold shoulder for it so what? They will get over it.

Sorry this is a huge pet peeve of mine, I have no sympathy for slackers. Of course, people in honest need of help are a different story and will get it.

[DisneyNurseGal, BSN, RN]

I still see it as selfish not to share that which costs you nothing to share.

I preferred not to spend any energy considering whether various people were worthy; I simply chose to share freely with anybody who asked... actually, just posted materials to a server and sent links to everybody.

So you would send care plans, homework assignments and other graded tasks?? I think not. At some point you should be worried about being accused of plagiarism. You can not trust that people will change things into their own words.

I was happy to hear that my school addressed this issue in a welcome back to school email today. As I mentioned before, I am not the only one in my class who has this problem. They strongly urged everyone to be careful, because the Turn It In Anti Plagiarism software is being used for all assignments. It compares each assignment to other submitted & published works. If one of my classmates uses my phrasing exactly and they submit the assignment first then I get accused of plagiarism. I am not getting expelled from school for doing a good deed. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.

I appreciate what everyone has said, especially the point about some of these people possibly being my boss one day ... that is why I am trying to be nice about telling these people no. Like I said before, I HAVE helped these people. I HAVE stayed after class to help them understand a concept. I am meeting one of the girls after class tomorrow to help her set up her calendar.

It has nothing to do with judging people who I think are worthy... it is about helping those who help not only themselves but me as well.

[QueenAnnissa]

So you would send care plans, homework assignments and other graded tasks?? I think not. At some point you should be worried about being accused of plagiarism. You can not trust that people will change things into their own words.

I was happy to hear that my school addressed this issue in a welcome back to school email today. As I mentioned before, I am not the only one in my class who has this problem. They strongly urged everyone to be careful, because the Turn It In Anti Plagiarism software is being used for all assignments. It compares each assignment to other submitted & published works. If one of my classmates uses my phrasing exactly and they submit the assignment first then I get accused of plagiarism. I am not getting expelled from school for doing a good deed. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.

I appreciate what everyone has said, especially the point about some of these people possibly being my boss one day ... that is why I am trying to be nice about telling these people no. Like I said before, I HAVE helped these people. I HAVE stayed after class to help them understand a concept. I am meeting one of the girls after class tomorrow to help her set up her calendar.

It has nothing to do with judging people who I think are worthy... it is about helping those who help not only themselves but me as well.

I don't think the poster is referring to any type of graded assignments. I believe this entire thread is in reference to class notes, calendars/schedule, and typed lectures from audio recordings as you mentioned, items that would not be handed into instructors.

So you would send care plans, homework assignments and other graded tasks?? I think not.

Nope. I was addressing precisely the situation that you described: Notes, etc.

At some point you should be worried about being accused of plagiarism. You can not trust that people will change things into their own words.

Of course, they would be the ones plagiarizing, not me. However, since we're discussing study aids, not assigned coursework, the point is moot.

I was happy to hear that my school addressed this issue in a welcome back to school email today. As I mentioned before, I am not the only one in my class who has this problem. They strongly urged everyone to be careful, because the Turn It In Anti Plagiarism software is being used for all assignments.

Again, unrelated to the original topic. Not that it matters, but my program also used that same software package.

I am not getting expelled from school for doing a good deed. If that makes me selfish, then so be it.

If your program states that you're not to share class notes or study materials then I would agree completely. I believe that I explicitly stated something along the lines of "if it costs me nothing"... setting oneself up to be sanctioned by the nursing program would be foolish.

it is about helping those who help not only themselves but me as well.

That reads as a selfish statement to me. I'm in the minority opinion so you can feel validated.

Maybe I can ask the management to pull my pharm cards because none of the 10,000 or so folks who've downloaded them have done a darn thing for me.

[DisneyNurseGal, BSN, RN]

I have cut pasted some of my notes right into my papers before so if someone did the same if be screwed.

You don't know me or my exact situation or what I have gone through so to call me selfish is just plain rude. I asked for an opinion on how to deal with people, not for you to attack my character. Goodie for you that 10000 people have used your cards.

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

FWIW, OP, Music has shared with the thousands on AN...so he has helped thousands without even thinking of them as "slackers"...his point is, we are colleagues, helping each other out as notes and strategies are concerned...it would behoove one to think, I helped my colleagues strategize to the point, if I report off to them in my career, they have it together...the spirit of influence is FAR greater than the "sink or swim" "you're on your own buddy" mentality that a lot of posters have interpreted...or shall I say a few good seasoned nurses and professionals who engage every day.

I'm sure his opinion is not a character assassination, but a gentle forewarning of the "real" side of nursing that even nursing school doesn't prepare the student adequately for. Sometimes tone cannot be interpreted on he Internet, it is up to the reader's "tone".

Having the attitude of "I'm not helping that slacker" has produced all sorts of problems when near misses and sentinel events occurs...it has been documented in reports how individuals who had horrible communication styles and "refused" to help their colleagues prior to sentinel events...if that one person fails, then the whole team fails, including the ones who feel their co worker is a "slacker", they are just as culpable.

Again, you are as strong as your weakest link! Especially in healthcare.

I ask anyone who has developed that chip to drop the chip, if one has one... if you are helpful, so be it...if anything, being a model of practice does better for not only your peers, but for the profession.

Again, you will have a culture shock once you hit that floor in most places, especially critical care...nursing is like the military of all professions, you don't leave your team mates behind...most of the time. :)

[DisneyNurseGal, BSN, RN]

I just love how this has turned into how I am going to leave all of my coworkers behind, and how I am not going to help when I get into the "real world". I have worked successfully as a manager in the corporate world for over 20 years, and I know how to work in a team setting - that has nothing to do with my situation now.

I never asked anyone to comment on what they perceived I was doing wrong! I never asked anyone if they thought I was handling a situation correctly. How about you just stay on topic. You don't know me or my situation.

[BrandonLPN, LPN]

I just love how this has turned into how I am going to leave all of my coworkers behind, and how I am not going to help when I get into the "real world". I have worked successfully as a manager in the corporate world for over 20 years, and I know how to work in a team setting - that has nothing to do with my situation now.

I never asked anyone to comment on what they perceived I was doing wrong! I never asked anyone if they thought I was handling a situation correctly. How about you just stay on topic. You don't know me or my situation.

You're upset that some posters feel you're not handling the situation correctly?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were only supposed to post comments that agreed with you.

[SaraMC]

Just say, 'No'. People are afraid to use that word. I find that it works quite efficiently.

[SENSUALBLISSINFL, BSN, RN]

To the OP as you can see you are not alone. My group used to be small, we designed it like this on purpose. It was composed of people who had the same interest, to succeed, and to do so, one had to contribute and do work. My classmates in the group liked me being in the group because I was very proactive, kept great notes, always found sites in the internet that would help us sometimes understand the material better, was assertive to speak in public and kept encouraging each other... well, so I was told It was funny how some how others got around the fact the we used to meet at a particular day, time and place before exams to review, and those not in the group would tag alone. I did not have an issue with this except that they used to slow us down since they were not as prepared as us. It was a dilemma because I want to help, I took time to explain and answer questions, but I drew the line in sharing my notes so they can take them home, if they wanted copies, they had access to my copies during class break and they paid for them, not me.

There was however one time during an Advance Med Surge class, the professor always gave us a review prior exams during lecture , she would stress the importance to remember such and such, a classmate always on her cellphone texting or whatever it was not paying attention, but kept asking us to repeat what the professor was saying, finally one member of the group that sat closed to me told her that everytime she interrupted us to ask us to repeat what was being said we were missing the next part from the professor and if she got off the phone and paid attention she may get her answers, well I cannot tell you how happy I was when she told her that.

Because your class is so small, I can see why you want to act carefully on this, you must be extraordinary that word has spread of your organization skills. I think being honest, but finding a diplomatic way is best. At the end of the day, sharing your work to those slackers will not help. The classmate that kept interrupting us, hid during clinicals and failed her Hesi at the end of the program, to only retake it, I do not know if she passed the second time, but you get my point.

To Lori, in my opinion nursing school is one of those instances where you need a study group. I like working alone as well, but when it came to NS I realized during the first semester that a study group was a way to succeed and also taught me to work with others in a field that requires it.

[rn/writer, RN]

It's fine to share possessions, food, clothing, etc. freely and without reservation, because no one is going to be graded on eating the casserole or wearing the donated jeans. Patient safety won't be riding on the box of dishes you gave a friend. There will not be an exam for the toys you passed on to a neighbor. Sick and vulnerable people will not be shortchanged by your generosity. Learning will not suffer nor will good study habits be compromised if you are motivated to help others.

The same cannot be said for schoolwork.

Although it may seem like you're being kind by giving away your materials freely, ultimately, you are not. I'm not talking about helping a classmate in a bind now and then. But spoon-feeding those who have poor study habits (other than helping them to learn better ones) or enabling people who just want to coast through the class is about as responsible as letting someone copy off your test paper.

Some have protested that it doesn't cost anything to be "nice." I disagree. If you gift-wrap a superficial grasp of the material (just enough, say, to pass a test) you give the message that it's okay to game the system. Undisciplined takers (as opposed to genuine study group participants) learn that ethics don't really matter. The end justifies the means. Besides robbing classmates of the chance to internalize the subject at hand, you may also short-circuit a much-needed reality check. Imagine the difference in outcome between a person who found a way to skate semester after semester and one who, with the clarion call of a failed exam or a flunked class, realized this isn't high school anymore.

Add all of this to the concerns some have stated about plagiarism, and it doesn't appear to be a good idea to post or share certain items. In many (if not most) academic honor codes, the one who assists the cheater is viewed to be as culpable as the one who does the cheating. I imagine this would only intensify if money had changed hands, an arrangement that bears an uncomfortable resemblance to buying and selling term papers on line. It boils down to doing someone else's work for them. That isn't fair to anyone in the group, and it could expose many people to extra risk down the road.

Just to clear up any confusion, I think we're all pretty much in agreement that there is a big difference between a generally responsible person taking part in a study group or needing help through a bad patch and a loafer who just wants someone else to do his or her heavy lifting.

Sometimes being nice means saying no.

[dt70]

I just love how this has turned into how I am going to leave all of my coworkers behind, and how I am not going to help when I get into the "real world". I have worked successfully as a manager in the corporate world for over 20 years, and I know how to work in a team setting - that has nothing to do with my situation now.

I never asked anyone to comment on what they perceived I was doing wrong! I never asked anyone if they thought I was handling a situation correctly. How about you just stay on topic. You don't know me or my situation.

I know how you feel. I'm a team player, but sometimes I wonder if I'm wearing leech spray. It's not just school, seems to be every where.

It taught me to say no to people I would have liked to help, just to keep the cycle broken.