How much quiet do you need?

Hoosier_RN, MSN · Oct 28, 2021

Sometimes after 8 hours, depending on how intense of a shift it was. My hubby has the TV going, cooking, etc. Me, I just crash into the chair and call it a day. My drive home is 35 min

DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN · Oct 29, 2021

Working nights alters the whole scenario. It's home, half hour wind down with the TV news and then straight into bed.

When I worked days I didn't need wind down time. I was often rearing to go out for a few drinks straight after work.

Kitiger, RN · Oct 30, 2021

On 10/27/2021 at 9:38 PM, NightNerd said:

After you've been at work for 12+ hours, do you *need* some quiet time to recover right away? If so, do you actually get any?

We were talking at work yesterday about this, and it dawned on me that I need a looooot of quiet time (too much?), especially after a few shifts in a row. I adore my boyfriend, but when I get home from work he's trying to talk and listen to music while cooking and watch our TV shows - but I just can't fathom doing anything but sitting in silence for a while, LOL. Usually my alone time after work is a ten-minute drive and a shower. This week he's been out of town, and although I miss him terribly, I've actually been a little more refreshed after my three shifts because it's just me here. ?‍♀️

Have you talked to your boyfriend, told him what you need? Maybe he just doesn't know.

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Oct 30, 2021

20 hours ago, DavidFR said:

Working nights alters the whole scenario. It's home, half hour wind down with the TV news and then straight into bed.

When I worked days I didn't need wind down time. I was often rearing to go out for a few drinks straight after work.

That is too funny; when I worked night shift, I was often happy to go out to breakfast with coworkers after a shift. I've been on day shift for two years now and am WIPED afterward; no happy hour for me!

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Oct 30, 2021

On 10/29/2021 at 9:09 PM, Kitiger said:

Have you talked to your boyfriend, told him what you need? Maybe he just doesn't know.

Oh, I'm not complaining about him! Sorry if that's how this came across. Yeah, we've definitely talked (and laughed) about our differences in this area, especially now that he's working from home most of the time and is more than ready to interact with someone by the end of the day.

I'm actually getting ready to move back to night shift, which I think will work better for me and us. I'm a night owl anyway, so I'll get a little extra alone time on my nights off after he goes to bed - but we'll still have our evenings together so he hopefully won't feel too isolated. We both try to be accommodating of each other's needs since COVID has affected our work in different ways; there's just not a perfect way to do it, which isn't anyone's fault.

I was just curious about others' needs in this area after talking with some coworkers about it. It amused me how many of us drive home after work with no music on, don't want to talk or touch anyone, etc.

Davey Do · Oct 30, 2021

"Silence is golden."
-Simon & Garfunkel

"Duct tape is silver."
-Dopey Joe

Being an asocial recluse whose most favorable companion is Henry David's solitude, I've lived my life, as much as possible, in the woodwork. That's one reason why over half of my 36 year nursing career was working MNs.

On my 40 minute drive home, I listened to Bach's Brandenburg Concertos, as I didn't want any singer or other voice on the radio to tell me what to think.

And, it's one of the many reasons why my medical nurse wife Belinda and I get along so well- she can be comfortably silent for long periods of time.

It's easily understood why your boyfriend's absence is rejuvenating and also makes your heart grow fonder, NightNerd. After professionally giving of oneself as selfishly as possible, our loved ones can be just another entity that needs.

I think of what the character Suzy said to Doc in the movie based on John Steinbeck's Cannery Row:

"I like you just fine when you're not around."

ladedah1, BSN, RN · Nov 2, 2021

I wouldn't say that I need "quiet" time so much as I need me time... though - to be fair - I don't exactly like a whole lot of excess noise or commotion disturbing that either! If me time counts, I would definitely say I need a lot of it! I work 12 hr night shifts and typically need a couple hours after I get home... and also a couple hours before I go back in.

My husband has more or less figured out my typical expectations for a multi-shift stretch: (1) Don't ask me to do anything for you, (2) Don't turn the TV volume up to a million, (3) If I put on noise cancelling headphones (so I can watch what I want) and sit down with breakfast after work (or coffee, if I just woke up), I'm done talking.

It took a while for him to figure out that violating any of the aforementioned rules results in a very grumpy wife, but now he just knows my routine (and even makes my coffee!). I am seriously grateful that he gets it and doesn't pick fights about how horribly selfish / distant I can get between shifts.

Dealing with people non-stop for 12 hours can certainly be draining! I put out a rediculously upbeat, high-energy persona at work... so I guess it would only make sense that recharging might entail a brief period of grumpy couch potato. Oddly enough, my husband was laughing just the other day about how violating one of the aforementioned expectations on a work day is "... a lot like pouring water on a gremlin" ?

NightNerd, MSN, RN · Nov 2, 2021

@ladedah1 exactly! After a 12-hour shift of being everything to everyone, even the most innocuous request threatens to push me over the edge.

For me, though I certainly have my grumpy moments, it's more than I am just not tuned in to what's going on around me. We'll be talking after I get home from work and somewhere deep in the conversation I'll realize I just... haven't been listening and have no idea what we're talking about. It's quite unintentional; my boyfriend is, in my opinion, intelligent and hilarious and a hoot to talk to, and once I've gotten somee rest we have a blast hanging out. But after a long day where I've had to listen indiscriminately to what other people find important, it's like my brain seals itself up on the drive home and simply will not accept any additional input for a while. I was a little sheepish when it started happening with alarming regularity, but through trial and error we're both more mindful of this phenomenon, so it's easier to work around.

ladedah1, BSN, RN · Nov 2, 2021

6 minutes ago, NightNerd said:

@ladedah1 exactly! After a 12-hour shift of being everything to everyone, even the most innocuous request threatens to push me over the edge.

For me, though I certainly have my grumpy moments, it's more than I am just not tuned in to what's going on around me. We'll be talking after I get home from work and somewhere deep in the conversation I'll realize I just... haven't been listening and have no idea what we're talking about. It's quite unintentional; my boyfriend is, in my opinion, intelligent and hilarious and a hoot to talk to, and once I've gotten somee rest we have a blast hanging out. But after a long day where I've had to listen indiscriminately to what other people find important, it's like my brain seals itself up on the drive home and simply will not accept any additional input for a while. I was a little sheepish when it started happening with alarming regularity, but through trial and error we're both more mindful of this phenomenon, so it's easier to work around.

THIS! Definitely this! ???

SilverBells, BSN · Nov 3, 2021

After working 12-21 hour shifts 5 days in a row, I always cherish any quiet time I can get. My weekends are often spent in peace and quiet as my body and mind both need time to recover from people constantly needing something from me.

MHDNURSE · Nov 3, 2021

I need my quiet time at the beginning of every day. I get up 45 minutes before anyone else so I can enjoy my coffee without having to engage with anyone. Really gets me in the right headspace for the day.