How Many is Too Many

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Ok, I heard about this on "The View" this morning and it got me thinking. A family in Arkansas is expecting their 16th child. Picture of Mum and children getting some sort of award. Then I remembered seeing the family on one of those Baby Story type shows. They were following the pregnancy and talking about the fun family times (like going to a restaurant on kids eat free night -- the restaurant has since limited the number of kids per adult).

I remember looking after a woman who had just delivered her 10th child. Anybody else see this as a trend or does it just depend on the area?

If we were more financially stable, dh and I would probably have had at least 2 more. I have 2 from a previous marriage, had a tubal due to knowing I couldn't afford any more when I was married to their father who didn't work (we won't go there), met my dh and we decided we wanted more. We went with IVF, it took the first time, and we have 2 adorable 18 month olds. We were very fortunate and I wouldn't give any of my 4 kids up for the world. Yes, it can be very trying with 2 teens and the younger ones, but we love them all and make sure to spend time with each of them.I do agree though that if people can't afford to have a lot of children, they shouldn't. Being on welfare isn't a good way to bring up kids, IMO.

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Specializes in pediatrics.
No kidding! I wonder about the degree of pelvic relaxation (and resultant stress incontinence) that these women must suffer.

Back in the old days it was different. My mother is one of 13 children and my father is one of 15 children (all single births). My grandfather (on my mother's side) was a sharecropper and they family ate what they grew, but my mother and her siblings had two choices - you went to school or you worked in the fields. Needless to say, they preferred school. At that time (1930's), you could have that many children and provide food and a productive (but hard) life, that's just not the case today. Interestingly enough, my mother said my grandmother did not want to continue to have that many children, but they would not tie tubes unless a baby would sacrifice the mother's health (or you were rich). It's funny how we fail to appreciate our choices.

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yes choices are hard won but they are worth it...at one time tubal ligations were not done until the fourth child..because the md didn't believe that the mothers were responsible enough to make that kind of decision

the ones that i really get heated up about is the non working parents who have children and get food stamps and welfare payments w/o a thought about how to be a responsible parent

and those mormon conclaves where they have as many children as they can bleed the system with while lazy good for nothing father sits on his duff

if you are a good parent and can accept what you are doing it is one thing but just having children because you can don't cut it

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]The only concern I would have with having that many children would be the ability to do equally for all 16 of them. College, cars, clothes, weddings-well you all get the picture. My husabnd and I just want to be able to offer both of our children the best ]we possibly could! After #2 we both agreed that in order to offer that we better limit it to the 2. Not only that, I am not sure that my nerves could handle a #3 (we have 2 boys). Love them to death, but they are both "all boy" and there is never a dull moment in our home. :chuckle

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and those mormon conclaves where they have as many children as they can bleed the system with while lazy good for nothing father sits on his duff

I agree. They even proudly call it just that-----"bleeding the beast." So, I guess we are the beast, and they feel we owe them.

And, I've heard over and over that the "funny looking kids" that result from interbreeding within close knit families are all the stuff of urban legend---but, if you look at some of those pictures of the resultant offspring among some of those families, it makes me believe that there's more than a grain of truth in those "urban legends." I'm sure the nurses who work in those communities have a story or two to share about birth defects they've witnessed within those huge patriarchal families in which many of the members are somehow related by blood (not just by marriage.)

Poor kids that result from those unions--they haven't a snowball's chance in hell, as they say. It's so sad, seeing all the TV documentaries of the 15 and 16 year old wives; often sisters, who are "married" to the same man----and instead of doing teenage stuff that normal 15 and 16 year old girls are doing, they are pregnant, with a toddler. They never get to be kids, just housewives and minimum wage workers.

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I graduated with a boy who was the baby of 18 children. The oldest graduated a year or two before my mom and the baby with me. This family was very close and they didn't take a penny from the system. I think that if a couple want to have many children and they can support them then good for them. We have 3 boys and like another poster said we get looks from people like we have 3 heads. As far as giving children what they NEED, what they need is not a new car or designer clothes. They NEED love, support, food, shelter, and a strong foundation to grow up on. Yes college is important, and I am sure that they will find a way to provide it. I am all for giving my kids what I think they would like, but hubby and I have talked about it and many children we have seen(family) who grew up with all that they want have little idea of how they got it. I am by no means saying that all children who get new cars and wear designer clothes are like this. I just think that children from larger families have more of an idea about sacrfice and making due. More power to them and I pray that all of their children grow up happy and healthy.

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Specializes in LTC/Behavioral/ Hospice.
The only concern I would have with having that many children would be the ability to do equally for all 16 of them. College, cars, clothes, weddings-well you all get the picture. My husabnd and I just want to be able to offer both of our children the best we possibly could! After #2 we both agreed that in order to offer that we better limit it to the 2. Not only that, I am not sure that my nerves could handle a #3 (we have 2 boys). Love them to death, but they are both "all boy" and there is never a dull moment in our home. :chuckle

Where there's a will there's a way. :) My mother contributed about $50 to my wedding and another $50 to my college education. She couldn't afford to do anything more. I'm still glad she had me! :chuckle Oh, and I went to work at age 16, saved, and bought my own car! The things you mentioned are luxury items and they may not be a priority for some families. (and it's ok that they ARE a priority for other families) It doesn't mean the parents won't provide well for their kids. :)

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Where there's a will there's a way. :) My mother contributed about $50 to my wedding and another $50 to my college education. She couldn't afford to do anything more. I'm still glad she had me! :chuckle Oh, and I went to work at age 16, saved, and bought my own car! The things you mentioned are luxury items and they may not be a priority for some families. (and it's ok that they ARE a priority for other families) It doesn't mean the parents won't provide well for their kids. :)

That's a good point. "The best" isn't necessarily something that can be purchased.

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Man, I am pregnant with my 4th and last. Each pregnancy gets a little harder for me, I just can't imagine having that many. Wow.

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I think the biggest problem with having that many children is that the older ones don't get to be kids. I work with a woman who was the oldest of 8, bye the age of 9 she was doing dishes, ironing, and changing diapers.. while she has gotten over being angry with her parents, she said she would never do that to her kids. That is my biggest concern with big familes.. I am from a family of 4 and being the oldest I of course was expected to help, but not to the extent of having no life like my coworker... I just think you should consider the quality of life of your children before you have that many.

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No doubt Brinley, I have seen families like that and it is really not fair to the kids at all.

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16 children is way too many. i think that couples ought to consider if they have enough money to properly raise lots of children. i just do not understand how regular middle class people justify having huge families that they know they can't afford. i always wonder how the parents of these large families plan to put all of those children through college. it would seem to me that one would have to be a multimillionaire to be able to provide for a really large family. i wonder how many people that have all those children are expecting to be assisted in some way by friends, family, or the government? if they can't raise them w/out expecting others to help pick up the slack, then they shouldn't have alot of kids.

If it's the family from the Discovery Channel show, they have no debt, are not on public assistance, are building their own house, and have the best-behaved kids I've ever seen (although the family is conservatively religious so that doesn't shock me - I'm sure they practice "spare the rod and spoil the child"). Where their behavior is concerned, I'm going on the blurb with the lady in the restaurant who was interviewed - and no, I never heard anything about the "kids eat free night" thing. The father said they buy used and save the difference. None of the kids looked unkempt.

What was funny was the grocery bill - over $800!!

They seem like upstanding people - you should have heard their oldest, who was 16 at the time, talking about how marriage is choosing a life partner and how he looks forward to spending the rest of his life with a special woman - that kid's mailbox must have been PACKED with fan mail! LOL!!

I think that's their decision - as long as the kids are cared for, and they certainly seemed to be - but I do worry about what that may do to the mother - although my great-grandmother had 21 kids (nineteen of whom lived -we have an old picture of her surrounded by them) and lived to be 87!

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